6th grade DD has boyfriend - too young!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A "frank and explicit discussion" about sex is also premature at this age.

I strongly disagree. She'll be having frank and explicit discussions about sex with her peers within the next year or two (if not already). IMO you should be ahead of the curve and not behind it.

I agree! A boy just recently asked a 6 grade girl at my DS school through text if she would sit on his face, she declined. That is not all. I can't keep up with the crap I am reading in snapchat and other forms social media communications that the kids have access to before you even know they exist. I have password to my kids' devices but it is not always them you have to worry about it's the stuff streaming in from their friends. And unfriending and blocking friends is social suicide. You or your kids cannot always know what their friends are like until you see how they behave behind a computer screen when no one is looking, then it's to late. I have a 16 and 12 year old and I don't think any parent can really prepare themselves of the impact social media will have in their lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A "frank and explicit discussion" about sex is also premature at this age.

I strongly disagree. She'll be having frank and explicit discussions about sex with her peers within the next year or two (if not already). IMO you should be ahead of the curve and not behind it.

I agree! A boy just recently asked a 6 grade girl at my DS school through text if she would sit on his face, she declined. That is not all. I can't keep up with the crap I am reading in snapchat and other forms social media communications that the kids have access to before you even know they exist. I have password to my kids' devices but it is not always them you have to worry about it's the stuff streaming in from their friends. And unfriending and blocking friends is social suicide. You or your kids cannot always know what their friends are like until you see how they behave behind a computer screen when no one is looking, then it's to late. I have a 16 and 12 year old and I don't think any parent can really prepare themselves of the impact social media will have in their lives.

It is becasue of wise advice like this, that my 12 yr old has no social media accounts (no instagram until she's 13 at minimum and no promises I'll allow it then).

[Anonymous]

There was a huge amount of "pairing up" in my DD's 6th grade class. Lots of handholding in the halls, selfies with the boyfriend, etc.

This pretty much went away after 6th grade. I think it was part of the deal -- transition to middle school, newfound freedoms and hormones, etc.

Definitely talk to her about the important issues and be aware of what's going on, but I wouldn't overreact unless you see red flags.

[Anonymous]

My middle school boy has a phone but we have the "Mom pays for this; Mom has all passwords and can check contents and activity at will" rule along with a lot of parental controls. I highly recommend you implement similar rules immediately, before your daughter gets sucked into the nastier side of internet-enabled portable devices. (Oh, and make damned sure she does not have Snapchat installed on there.)

My son has had a "girlfriend" of sorts for a while, but they don't text each other because she doesn't have a phone. Really, they are just best friends who have verbally expressed their mutual crush on each other and made some nebulous plans to run away together and get married when they turn 16. They go to the movies together, hang out at each other's houses a lot, and are joined at the hip at school, but they're not really physical. I've seen them hold hands once or twice, I know they've never kissed, and most of their touching tends toward the tickling/wrestling (she's a bit of a tomboy).

Their schoolmates tease them about their relationship relentlessly, but I think it's mostly envy -- they are the first in their class to have a mutual instead of unrequited crush. Frankly, I really like the girl and think there's a lot worse things my son could be doing than spending time with her. I do worry that they'll eventually hurt one another, but that's part of growing up. I just hate to see it happen; they're both good kids.

[Anonymous]

^13:25 here. I should note that the "hanging out at each other's homes" and "going to the movies" is always supervised/chaperoned. Neither set of parents hovers, but we're not letting them have long periods of unsupervised alone time, either. That's just asking for trouble.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My middle school boy has a phone but we have the "Mom pays for this; Mom has all passwords and can check contents and activity at will" rule along with a lot of parental controls. I highly recommend you implement similar rules immediately, before your daughter gets sucked into the nastier side of internet-enabled portable devices. (Oh, and make damned sure she does not have Snapchat installed on there.)

My son has had a "girlfriend" of sorts for a while, but they don't text each other because she doesn't have a phone. Really, they are just best friends who have verbally expressed their mutual crush on each other and made some nebulous plans to run away together and get married when they turn 16. They go to the movies together, hang out at each other's houses a lot, and are joined at the hip at school, but they're not really physical. I've seen them hold hands once or twice, I know they've never kissed, and most of their touching tends toward the tickling/wrestling (she's a bit of a tomboy).

Their schoolmates tease them about their relationship relentlessly, but I think it's mostly envy -- they are the first in their class to have a mutual instead of unrequited crush. Frankly, I really like the girl and think there's a lot worse things my son could be doing than spending time with her. I do worry that they'll eventually hurt one another, but that's part of growing up. I just hate to see it happen; they're both good kids.

I should note that the "hanging out at each other's homes" and "going to the movies" is always supervised/chaperoned. Neither set of parents hovers, but we're not letting them have long periods of unsupervised alone time, either. That's just asking for trouble.

That sounds like an innocent and healthy introduction to relationships. I applaud your approach. My son (16) and his girlfriend started similarly and have been dating for 4 years now. They have been very respectful of our wishes, rules, and limits. Over the years, they have shown maturity and earned our trust in many different ways on many occasions.

[Anonymous]

The Kik app is really bad, too. Make sure your kids don't have that one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My middle school boy has a phone but we have the "Mom pays for this; Mom has all passwords and can check contents and activity at will" rule along with a lot of parental controls. I highly recommend you implement similar rules immediately, before your daughter gets sucked into the nastier side of internet-enabled portable devices. (Oh, and make damned sure she does not have Snapchat installed on there.)

My son has had a "girlfriend" of sorts for a while, but they don't text each other because she doesn't have a phone. Really, they are just best friends who have verbally expressed their mutual crush on each other and made some nebulous plans to run away together and get married when they turn 16. They go to the movies together, hang out at each other's houses a lot, and are joined at the hip at school, but they're not really physical. I've seen them hold hands once or twice, I know they've never kissed, and most of their touching tends toward the tickling/wrestling (she's a bit of a tomboy).

Their schoolmates tease them about their relationship relentlessly, but I think it's mostly envy -- they are the first in their class to have a mutual instead of unrequited crush. Frankly, I really like the girl and think there's a lot worse things my son could be doing than spending time with her. I do worry that they'll eventually hurt one another, but that's part of growing up. I just hate to see it happen; they're both good kids.

I'm the pp with the 16 year old. My DS got instagram at 14, my youngest now 12 has instagram too but is not as attached to it. The oldest set the pace usually. Anyway, the pandora's box has been open. From what I have seen I don't think parents can reliably mediate their children social media lives even at 12/13. You have to constantly reinforce your family values and hope for the best. I have patrolled all my children's access to social media: Instagram, Snapchat, Kik, Vine, Twitter, Yik Yak, Ask/FM, Oovoo, Tumblr, again you cannot control what is streaming in and not just from their friends, the sites sometimes get hacked and something vulgar will pipe in. You can buy some time but you cannot isolate them. Instagram and the likes are like hanging out at the park for the kids. By 7th for sure by 8th grade, no one will relate to you unless you're on social media.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My middle school boy has a phone but we have the "Mom pays for this; Mom has all passwords and can check contents and activity at will" rule along with a lot of parental controls. I highly recommend you implement similar rules immediately, before your daughter gets sucked into the nastier side of internet-enabled portable devices. (Oh, and make damned sure she does not have Snapchat installed on there.)

My son has had a "girlfriend" of sorts for a while, but they don't text each other because she doesn't have a phone. Really, they are just best friends who have verbally expressed their mutual crush on each other and made some nebulous plans to run away together and get married when they turn 16. They go to the movies together, hang out at each other's houses a lot, and are joined at the hip at school, but they're not really physical. I've seen them hold hands once or twice, I know they've never kissed, and most of their touching tends toward the tickling/wrestling (she's a bit of a tomboy).

Their schoolmates tease them about their relationship relentlessly, but I think it's mostly envy -- they are the first in their class to have a mutual instead of unrequited crush. Frankly, I really like the girl and think there's a lot worse things my son could be doing than spending time with her. I do worry that they'll eventually hurt one another, but that's part of growing up. I just hate to see it happen; they're both good kids.

I'm the pp with the 16 year old. My DS got instagram at 14, my youngest now 12 has instagram too but is not as attached to it. The oldest set the pace usually. Anyway, the pandora's box has been open. From what I have seen I don't think parents can reliably mediate their children social media lives even at 12/13. You have to constantly reinforce your family values and hope for the best. I have patrolled all my children's access to social media: Instagram, Snapchat, Kik, Vine, Twitter, Yik Yak, Ask/FM, Oovoo, Tumblr, again you cannot control what is streaming in and not just from their friends, the sites sometimes get hacked and something vulgar will pipe in. You can buy some time but you cannot isolate them. Instagram and the likes are like hanging out at the park for the kids. By 7th for sure by 8th grade, no one will relate to you unless you're on social media.

You realize this is entirely the doing of us parents? Eveyone gets this, RIGHT?!?! The only reason kids have this is because we, collectively, have given in to it. Kids cannot access technology in this way without their parents help. And parents do it because they want their kid to be cool and hip and are fearful of their kid somehow being left behind or being different.

My 7th grader does not have a phone and we do not have internet access at home. She has a robust social life and is a happy kid, as are her younger siblings ages 11 and 9. She gets a phone when she is willing and able to pay for it and the monthly plan. And then there will STILL be a contract and heavy monitoring until she is 18.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You realize this is entirely the doing of us parents? Eveyone gets this, RIGHT?!?! The only reason kids have this is because we, collectively, have given in to it. Kids cannot access technology in this way without their parents help. And parents do it because they want their kid to be cool and hip and are fearful of their kid somehow being left behind or being different.

My 7th grader does not have a phone and we do not have internet access at home. She has a robust social life and is a happy kid, as are her younger siblings ages 11 and 9. She gets a phone when she is willing and able to pay for it and the monthly plan. And then there will STILL be a contract and heavy monitoring until she is 18.

Wait a minute- how does she do homework? My kids have plenty of assignments that require the internet- research for projects and papers on google docs.

Another question- how will she be able to pay for a monthly phone plan? Are you seriously going to let her get a job and drive a car before you let her own a phone?!?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You realize this is entirely the doing of us parents? Eveyone gets this, RIGHT?!?! The only reason kids have this is because we, collectively, have given in to it. Kids cannot access technology in this way without their parents help. And parents do it because they want their kid to be cool and hip and are fearful of their kid somehow being left behind or being different.

My 7th grader does not have a phone and we do not have internet access at home. She has a robust social life and is a happy kid, as are her younger siblings ages 11 and 9. She gets a phone when she is willing and able to pay for it and the monthly plan. And then there will STILL be a contract and heavy monitoring until she is 18.

How do your kids get assignments done that require internet research if you don't have internet access at home? By middle school a lot of work is done online through academic websites and portals. Even with homeschooling, I would think you would need some internet access. You sound like you live in a time capsule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound like you live in a time capsule.

When people who make choices like that for their family, I wonder about their own childhood and what they're still rebelling against. Unless its a question of finances, it is far outside the societal norm.

[Anonymous]

I'd be scared she's texting inappropriate photos to her boyfriend. You need to get the password now.

[Anonymous]

I don't want to hijack this thread, so I'm going to start another. My middle-school kid may go next year to a school that is tech-heavy and where the kids need phones.

I want to hear from BTDT parents of middle and high schoolers what their iPhone contracts with their kids entail, before I buy that darn phone. I'd appreciate it if you have a great contract, to clue us newbies in, and if you left anything out that you wish you had included, to tell us what. TIA!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't want to hijack this thread, so I'm going to start another. My middle-school kid may go next year to a school that is tech-heavy and where the kids need phones.

I want to hear from BTDT parents of middle and high schoolers what their iPhone contracts with their kids entail, before I buy that darn phone. I'd appreciate it if you have a great contract, to clue us newbies in, and if you left anything out that you wish you had included, to tell us what. TIA!

Honestly- the contract needs to contain what is important to YOU. What are your concerns? What is important to you?