How to handle upcoming baby showers for friends

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I disagree with most posters. You need to go if possible. Part of being a good person and friend is being happy for others when they have something or accomplish something, regardless if you have. Ow if you became pregnant would you still not want to attend showers? Just like you were a bridesmaid before you met your husband, you need to attend showers. Be thankful for the many positive things in your life and have faith things for you will work out.

I mostly agree, too. Sharing other people's happiness looks good on you, too. The exception would be the previous poster who was in the midst of the miscarriage. That's a really good reason NOT to go.

Also: I skipped a baby shower the day I had one of my failed IUIs. It was just too much for me, emotionally. Looking back, I kind of wished I had gone. Being around other women, mothers who were nursing and mothers-to-be probably would have been good for me hormonally. All those awesome pheromones right have helped!

[Anonymous]

Do not go. My DH made me go to a shower for a good friend of his. It was a low point in my IF journey.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do not go. My DH made me go to a shower for a good friend of his. It was a low point in my IF journey.

Well that's an issue.

[Anonymous]

RSVP no and send a gift. Don't overthink it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Send a gift with a simple "I'm sorry I can't make it!" note.

I recall a memorable time I skipped a co-worker's that was held in the office. I was literally in the middle of a miscarriage at the time. I could barely hold it together that day, and ended up crying in the ladies room while everyone enjoyed their lunch. Ugh.

work showers are the worst; there's no escape

[Anonymous]

I would not go.

[Anonymous]

OP? ::crickets::

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did these same friends celebrate you becoming a new mom at your shower? I'd probably suck it up and go, while planning to leave early before the gift opening ooohs and aaaahs. If all goes well, you might find yourself staying even longer for the gift opening.

I'm a 4 year primary infertility warrior, who has been lapped and attended many baby showers over the 4 years. I can tell you that the 'thought' of attending these events has always been worse than the events themselves. The beginning of a shower is always mingling and eating; when conversations turned to kids, I just scooted over to another conversation as I didn't have any children on earth.

These girls were my friends. I don't think you mentioned it, but if it was just an acquaintance--I 'd skip it. If any of them are not for first time moms, I'd skip them, too. (Sending gifts for both scenarios, of course.)

You are an ass.

I don't think she's an ass. If they are close friends or close family members, she should go, especially if they supported her during her first pregnancy. Baby showers are about the mom-to-be, being with friends, and celebrating a new life on this earth. OP, I mustered up the mental capacity to decide which showers to attend and which to skip. I skipped the shower for the mom who was pregnant with her surprise 4th child because I was so tired of hearing her "and we were using two types of birth control!" and "God, what am I going to do with 4 kids. Three is bad enough!" Yeah, no celebratory feelings there. But I attended the shower of a friend who'd been trying with her husband for her second, his first baby for quite some time. Such a joyful time for them.

OP, you have the right to choose to stay home. But you are also part of a social network of friends and family who support each other. I get that it's painful, but you have the ability to assess each situation and do what you see fit. And like a PP mentioned, you have experienced the joy of pregnancy and having your first baby, so focus on those memories if you need to.

And before I get flamed, yes, I get it, btdt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did these same friends celebrate you becoming a new mom at your shower? I'd probably suck it up and go, while planning to leave early before the gift opening ooohs and aaaahs. If all goes well, you might find yourself staying even longer for the gift opening.

I'm a 4 year primary infertility warrior, who has been lapped and attended many baby showers over the 4 years. I can tell you that the 'thought' of attending these events has always been worse than the events themselves. The beginning of a shower is always mingling and eating; when conversations turned to kids, I just scooted over to another conversation as I didn't have any children on earth.

These girls were my friends. I don't think you mentioned it, but if it was just an acquaintance--I 'd skip it. If any of them are not for first time moms, I'd skip them, too. (Sending gifts for both scenarios, of course.)

You are an ass.

I've read this post 4 times and I have NO idea why you're calling her an ass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did these same friends celebrate you becoming a new mom at your shower? I'd probably suck it up and go, while planning to leave early before the gift opening ooohs and aaaahs. If all goes well, you might find yourself staying even longer for the gift opening.

I'm a 4 year primary infertility warrior, who has been lapped and attended many baby showers over the 4 years. I can tell you that the 'thought' of attending these events has always been worse than the events themselves. The beginning of a shower is always mingling and eating; when conversations turned to kids, I just scooted over to another conversation as I didn't have any children on earth.

These girls were my friends. I don't think you mentioned it, but if it was just an acquaintance--I 'd skip it. If any of them are not for first time moms, I'd skip them, too. (Sending gifts for both scenarios, of course.)

You are an ass.

I've read this post 4 times and I have NO idea why you're calling her an ass.

As the OP of the quote (aka "the ass") I'm happy to hear a few of you do not think I'm an ass. I've had my share of bitter infertile moments, but I work hard to keep them in check. I care about my friends and do not skip out on showers, because of our extremely shitty luck. My sadness over our situation is great, but it doesn't mean I'm not happy for them.

I want to reiterate that the thought of attending baby events FILLS me with anxiety beforehand, but once there--I'm fine. If OP of the thread can't handle going, that is fine, too, but then don't post on here for advice and never come back. You asked for advice, but haven't chimed in at all....unless you are the one that called me an ass!

[Anonymous]

Do not go! I haven't been to a single one and know I am better off for it bc I know myself well enough to know that I could not have behaved normally. I would have felt awkward, looked awkward, and made other people feel uncomfortable. It's just watching them open a mountain of presents anyways. So send a nice gift, your warmest wishes, and go get a pedicure instead. Do not feel guilty! If the mom-to-be really is your BFF, she'll understand 100%.