How to handle upcoming baby showers for friends

[Anonymous]

Have a string of upcoming showers I'm invited to, amidst a really tough road with secondary infertility. Advice on how to handle? Really would rather just not go. Unsure how to put on a happy face.

[Anonymous]

Don't go. No need to feel bad about it. Just tell them you aren't available. I've been through some crappy situations like this and it's just not worth the heartache.

[Anonymous]

I didn't attend. It was too painful and apt to destroy the entire day, or longer. Everyone understood.

[Anonymous]

I think it depends on how close you are with the people who the showers are for. If they are casual friends/family members you don't see much, don't go. If it is for your best friend, sister etc., I think you need to go even though it will be difficult

[Anonymous]

Send a gift with a simple "I'm sorry I can't make it!" note.

I recall a memorable time I skipped a co-worker's that was held in the office. I was literally in the middle of a miscarriage at the time. I could barely hold it together that day, and ended up crying in the ladies room while everyone enjoyed their lunch. Ugh.

[Anonymous]

A simple note of regret and a gift is fine. In fact, if you have to, give money to a close friend/someone you trust and have them buy the gift.

I am in my tww from an FET and I RSVPed no to a work colleagues babyshower because I couldn't handle being there. I said I had a meeting and scheduled a fun lunch date.

[Anonymous]

I always say i will not be attending and send a gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it depends on how close you are with the people who the showers are for. If they are casual friends/family members you don't see much, don't go. If it is for your best friend, sister etc., I think you need to go even though it will be difficult

No! I don't expect my best friend, nor the people I love to put on a brave face for a shower. That's crazy!!!

[Anonymous]

Don't hesitate to skip them, and do NOT feel guilty about it.

[Anonymous]

Did these same friends celebrate you becoming a new mom at your shower? I'd probably suck it up and go, while planning to leave early before the gift opening ooohs and aaaahs. If all goes well, you might find yourself staying even longer for the gift opening.

I'm a 4 year primary infertility warrior, who has been lapped and attended many baby showers over the 4 years. I can tell you that the 'thought' of attending these events has always been worse than the events themselves. The beginning of a shower is always mingling and eating; when conversations turned to kids, I just scooted over to another conversation as I didn't have any children on earth.

These girls were my friends. I don't think you mentioned it, but if it was just an acquaintance--I 'd skip it. If any of them are not for first time moms, I'd skip them, too. (Sending gifts for both scenarios, of course.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did these same friends celebrate you becoming a new mom at your shower? I'd probably suck it up and go, while planning to leave early before the gift opening ooohs and aaaahs. If all goes well, you might find yourself staying even longer for the gift opening.

I'm a 4 year primary infertility warrior, who has been lapped and attended many baby showers over the 4 years. I can tell you that the 'thought' of attending these events has always been worse than the events themselves. The beginning of a shower is always mingling and eating; when conversations turned to kids, I just scooted over to another conversation as I didn't have any children on earth.

These girls were my friends. I don't think you mentioned it, but if it was just an acquaintance--I 'd skip it. If any of them are not for first time moms, I'd skip them, too. (Sending gifts for both scenarios, of course.)

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did these same friends celebrate you becoming a new mom at your shower? I'd probably suck it up and go, while planning to leave early before the gift opening ooohs and aaaahs. If all goes well, you might find yourself staying even longer for the gift opening.

I'm a 4 year primary infertility warrior, who has been lapped and attended many baby showers over the 4 years. I can tell you that the 'thought' of attending these events has always been worse than the events themselves. The beginning of a shower is always mingling and eating; when conversations turned to kids, I just scooted over to another conversation as I didn't have any children on earth.

These girls were my friends. I don't think you mentioned it, but if it was just an acquaintance--I 'd skip it. If any of them are not for first time moms, I'd skip them, too. (Sending gifts for both scenarios, of course.)

No, no, no! OP doesn't have to suck it up! Sheesh! She can do whatever she wants to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did these same friends celebrate you becoming a new mom at your shower? I'd probably suck it up and go, while planning to leave early before the gift opening ooohs and aaaahs. If all goes well, you might find yourself staying even longer for the gift opening.

I'm a 4 year primary infertility warrior, who has been lapped and attended many baby showers over the 4 years. I can tell you that the 'thought' of attending these events has always been worse than the events themselves. The beginning of a shower is always mingling and eating; when conversations turned to kids, I just scooted over to another conversation as I didn't have any children on earth.

These girls were my friends. I don't think you mentioned it, but if it was just an acquaintance--I 'd skip it. If any of them are not for first time moms, I'd skip them, too. (Sending gifts for both scenarios, of course.)

You are an ass.

[Anonymous]

I think you really know the answer just have nothing to do right now. Answer is obvious, if you are sensitive about this issue - don't go. If you aren't sensitive - why even ask, don't go? that's all.

And no, I am not an a s s I am just been direct, that's all.

[Anonymous]

Totally do not go if you can't deal. Cut yourself some slack. If she's a true friend she'll understand. And if she's not a true friend, then it's not a big deal to skip it. Send a nice email and a gift and call it good enough.

The only situation where I would consider sucking it up is if your friend has experienced infertility, or if she came to a shower for your first baby while she was experiencing infertility herself.