The AP is a female physician in our community.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get that if it wasn't her, it would be someone else, I really do. I get my issues are with my husband. I do think I would be a little less upset if it wasn't a person in a profession that demands you trust them with your life using their judgment. Yes, I think other professions have obligations to be better than average citizens. So for instance, you're fine with taking your kids to the pediatrician, who watches child porn on his days off?

That's completely different from what happened to you. It actually has no relevance whatsoever.

[Anonymous]

The question was "realizing my husband is the person who betrayed me, how do I feel less traumatized by the experience that my husband's affair partner was a physician, charging other people for her advice on their health and well being."

The answer seems to be that physicians should not be expected to have good character or be trustworthy above anyone one else. Ewwww. That just isn't helping.

And to the person who said adultery isn't illegal, it is in my state and still a few others.

I'm also surprised at the negativity here. I'm really trying to put this behind me but some of it is so intrusive that I can't get it out of my head. I really thought there would be more empathy in the community.

Peace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The question was "realizing my husband is the person who betrayed me, how do I feel less traumatized by the experience that my husband's affair partner was a physician, charging other people for her advice on their health and well being."

The answer seems to be that physicians should not be expected to have good character or be trustworthy above anyone one else. Ewwww. That just isn't helping.

And to the person who said adultery isn't illegal, it is in my state and still a few others.

I'm also surprised at the negativity here. I'm really trying to put this behind me but some of it is so intrusive that I can't get it out of my head. I really thought there would be more empathy in the community.

Peace.

You really think adultery is on par with child abuse? You're disgusting, and I'm starting to appreciate why your husband might have gotten sick of your histrionics.

[Anonymous]

That was just gratuitously mean and not helpful

[Anonymous]

The comparison was not to say adultery is the same as child abuse but to beg the question, where is the the line when character becomes an issue for healthcare providers. Are they exempt from any standards until they are a Charles Manson?

There was a lot of harm to me and my children as a result of this. I understand my husband was the agent. And even if I was a crappy spouse, that gives my husband every right to leave me and take the children, but no right to lie, deceive, and create this nightmare. And if you want a better analogy, this was worse than being raped, and I can legitimately make that comparison. I'm doing my best to pick up the pieces, and this hasn't been easy.

[Anonymous]

My husband had an affair with a teacher (and someone who worked in my school, as I am a teacher as well). It was a very very hard time in my life. I was angry at both of them and I wouldn't want my child in her class but that didn't mean she shouldn't still be a teacher.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I'm a wise man. However it will probably take you a long time to attain what I am about to explain to you.

Nothing he did with his AP takes away from his Love for you and your sexual self. He simply needed someone else at this time in his life. It probably would have been a short affair had you not found out about it.

I know it hurts. It still doesn't erase all the Love you have shared together. If you really loved him, then work out the present problems together. You can have a stronger marriage if you don't go ape crazy over your jealousy. Learn from it and forgive him. Someday you may need forgiveness of the same type or another.

Best of luck

You do not sound like a wise man. You sound like a man who cheated and did not care about the impact on your wife. My wise mother always taught me, once a cheater, always a cheater. If my husband cheater I would no longer love, respect or want to be with him. The love would be over.

[Anonymous]

Anthony Weiner had to resign over consensual adult "sexting"

[Anonymous]

OP, just keep going to therapy and working on processing your feelings. It takes time.

Don't let yourself get distracted by the moral character of the AP. That is on her. Concentrate on what is within you and your life, so you can learn to accept what happened and move forward. What she did was wrong, but all kinds of people do wrong all the time. Right now you want to punish her or find a way to control what she may do, but that would be a mistake. You have too much in your own life to work on. Don't waste energy. Put yourself first.

[Anonymous]

This is a side issue that distracts you from having to really chew through what your husband did and what you will do about your marriage. Spending time thinking about it occupies your mind, takes us mental real estate, and prevents you from moving forward, but protects you in some way and makes you feel better.

By the way, the answer is no, physicians are no better or worse than anyone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ah. In my day, AP = Advanced Placement

Affair Partner seems too sterile, too politically correct somehow.

She is the advanced placement.

[Anonymous]

I get it. When something traumatic happens to you, you analyze it from all different angles, and each one matters when you're in the throes of it all. This angle will recede in importance over time, I think, but right now it's just one more insult added to injury and another source of shock and pain. I am so sorry, OP. Best of luck to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The question was "realizing my husband is the person who betrayed me, how do I feel less traumatized by the experience that my husband's affair partner was a physician, charging other people for her advice on their health and well being."

The answer seems to be that physicians should not be expected to have good character or be trustworthy above anyone one else. Ewwww. That just isn't helping.

And to the person who said adultery isn't illegal, it is in my state and still a few others.

I'm also surprised at the negativity here. I'm really trying to put this behind me but some of it is so intrusive that I can't get it out of my head. I really thought there would be more empathy in the community.

Peace.

Sex life and professional life are separate. No one is saying you shouldn't feel upset or traumatized, but it wasn't th AP that betrayed you. It was your husband. You can blame the neighbors. You can blame Obama. He's a convenient scapegoat at the moment. It comes down to the fact this is something that happened between you and your husband. Her job has nothing to do with any of it. Take a hard look at your marriage. Distracting yourself with the AP's shoe size, profession, type of car she drives, etc. isn't going to help you move forward. Focus on moving forward, with or without your husband.

[Anonymous]

The AP is a physician, charging other people for her advice on their health and well-being.

That doesn't include moral advice. It includes standard advice on health and well-being. You are reaching here, really reaching.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The AP is a physician, charging other people for her advice on their health and well-being.

That doesn't include moral advice. It includes standard advice on health and well-being. You are reaching here, really reaching.

I would understand if the ASAP were a marriage and family therapist, but I have no real expectation of physicians to have better morals than the rest of us.
OP, I'm sorry for your pain. You did not deserve this. Wishing you strength as you move forward.