The AP is a female physician in our community.

[Anonymous]

Your husband is at fault here. I know it's easier to direct anger at the other woman, but it's a distraction from the person who actually betrayed you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would you see a family practitioner that was technically competent but was chasing/bonking your neighbors husband on her off time? It seems creepy. I could think of ten other off hours hobbies that would make me think twice, but this might be one of them. Aren't there enough single me she could bonk without being so disruptive?

With all due respect to the pain you're experiencing, you are not especially aggrieved here because your husband had sex with a doctor as compared to any other wife whose husband screwed around. The woman he slept with is not any worse of a person than any other mistress just because she's a doctor. You need to direct your anger in a healthy direction, this is just a distraction.

[Anonymous]

I get that if it wasn't her, it would be someone else, I really do. I get my issues are with my husband. I do think I would be a little less upset if it wasn't a person in a profession that demands you trust them with your life using their judgment. Yes, I think other professions have obligations to be better than average citizens. So for instance, you're fine with taking your kids to the pediatrician, who watches child porn on his days off?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get that if it wasn't her, it would be someone else, I really do. I get my issues are with my husband. I do think I would be a little less upset if it wasn't a person in a profession that demands you trust them with your life using their judgment. Yes, I think other professions have obligations to be better than average citizens. So for instance, you're fine with taking your kids to the pediatrician, who watches child porn on his days off?

No, because child porn is criminal. Adultery isn't anymore.

And if you can't tell the difference between the hurt you've suffered now, and the grave harm that happens to defenseless children in child porn/sexual abuse situations, your perspective on life is really warped. Grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get that if it wasn't her, it would be someone else, I really do. I get my issues are with my husband. I do think I would be a little less upset if it wasn't a person in a profession that demands you trust them with your life using their judgment. Yes, I think other professions have obligations to be better than average citizens. So for instance, you're fine with taking your kids to the pediatrician, who watches child porn on his days off?

Ugh, that child porn thing is not a good example at all, Op. I would expect that even physicians have sex on their "off days", of course they do. I would absolutely expect them to behave ethically with their own patients. But does that mean that doctors are more guilty than their AP, assuming that their AP is a consenting adult, non-patient? No. It's crappy of them but no more crappy than if she was an accountant or a teacher or a police officer. Again, I am assuming that this did not cross appropriate professional boundaries..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So after five, MDs are under no obligation to be decent people, have above average judgment, or be upstanding members of the community? In a small town, they would have no patients, wouldn't be able to build their practice with such a poor reputation.

Everyone is under an obligation to be a good person and have a good reputation in the community, including this physician, lest they lose standing. She is not under some kind of extra obligation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I understand your post correctly, you feel that "the other woman" was held to some higher standard because she is a doctor and that therefore you are doubly let down because a doctor had an affair with your husband.

OP, I believe that you have been traumatized badly and there is no doubt about it. But with all due respect, I think you are actually looking for fresh ways to be aggrieved here. Doctors are held to high moral standards FOR THEIR PATIENTS. They have a duty of care to their patients. They are under no obligation to the general public to be good people or morally upstanding. In fact, many of them are first class jerks.

You have good reason to feel upset about the affair itself. Why are you digging for new stars to add to your crown?

This. +2

[Anonymous]

OP,

You want to other woman to be uneducated and vulgar because in your mind she will be less threatening to your self-esteem and your pain might be assuaged more easily with a little contempt for your husband at his choice of mistress.

This has nothing to do with doctors and their Hippocratic oath, unless your husband was her patient. If he wasn't, then it's a matter of disrespecting the fact that he was married. Doctors are fallible too. I know, my husband is one. Doesn't make him any more saintly that others.

[Anonymous]

Medical doctors are no different from anyone else. I have two in my family one is an alcoholic and cheats on his wife all the time and the other will sex any guy that gives her the time of day. They have problems and faults like anyone else. I would focus your anger on your husband. His AP is wrong for participating in the affair especially if she knew he was married, but ultimately fault lies with your hubby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get that if it wasn't her, it would be someone else, I really do. I get my issues are with my husband. I do think I would be a little less upset if it wasn't a person in a profession that demands you trust them with your life using their judgment. Yes, I think other professions have obligations to be better than average citizens. So for instance, you're fine with taking your kids to the pediatrician, who watches child porn on his days off?

You entrust physicians to exercise good judgment with your physical health when you are paying them to practice their profession, or when they are operating in their professional sphere. Your expectations of their judgment should not extend to areas outside of their professional sphere - and their private sexual relationships (assuming they are legal and between consenting adults) definitely falls outside of anything related to their professional lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:AP = Affair Partner

Ah! I thought this was reserved for OW. But what do I know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband is at fault here. I know it's easier to direct anger at the other woman, but it's a distraction from the person who actually betrayed you.

+1

I hate it when angry wives blame other women. The blaming starts at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband is at fault here. I know it's easier to direct anger at the other woman, but it's a distraction from the person who actually betrayed you.

+1

I hate it when angry wives blame other women. The blaming starts at home.

She's blaming both. It would take a superhuman to not hate both of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get that if it wasn't her, it would be someone else, I really do. I get my issues are with my husband. I do think I would be a little less upset if it wasn't a person in a profession that demands you trust them with your life using their judgment. Yes, I think other professions have obligations to be better than average citizens. So for instance, you're fine with taking your kids to the pediatrician, who watches child porn on his days off?

I always assumed high stress positions would make it more likely for a person to cheat on their spouse. Positions of power are even worse. Politicians are a prime example.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Medical doctors are no different from anyone else. I have two in my family one is an alcoholic and cheats on his wife all the time and the other will sex any guy that gives her the time of day. They have problems and faults like anyone else. I would focus your anger on your husband. His AP is wrong for participating in the affair especially if she knew he was married, but ultimately fault lies with your hubby.

+1

I am in medical sales and throughout my career I have seen LOTS of doctors behaving poorly - men and women - young and old - doesn't matter. We are all human. Hubby is at fault. AP could have just fallen head over heels and made a very poor decision but overall is a decent person. I know that's hard to digest OP, but time will help heal this wound.