The AP is a female physician in our community.

[Anonymous]

My husband is a scum bag, no doubt. But I also feel betrayed by a profession that makes its living by claiming to be healers. I am really traumatized by this, really feel violated in multiple ways. It's really making it hard for me to move on. Thoughts? Suggestions?

The people who try to be helpful saying "focus on you -take a class, save money, do yoga, knit, get a new job" are trying to be helpful, but it really doesn't help. I've been seeing a therapist with some benefit, but can't escape feeling so traumatized.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry to be so clueless.

Can you please clarify what an AP means?

Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry to be so clueless.

Can you please clarify what an AP means?

Thanks.

Not OP, but I believe she means "affair partner"

[Anonymous]

AP = Affair Partner

[Anonymous]

Oh, okay, that makes sense.

Thank you for the clarification guys.

[Anonymous]

Ah. In my day, AP = Advanced Placement

Affair Partner seems too sterile, too politically correct somehow.

[Anonymous]

I'm a wise man. However it will probably take you a long time to attain what I am about to explain to you.

Nothing he did with his AP takes away from his Love for you and your sexual self. He simply needed someone else at this time in his life. It probably would have been a short affair had you not found out about it.

I know it hurts. It still doesn't erase all the Love you have shared together. If you really loved him, then work out the present problems together. You can have a stronger marriage if you don't go ape crazy over your jealousy. Learn from it and forgive him. Someday you may need forgiveness of the same type or another.

Best of luck

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband is a scum bag, no doubt. But I also feel betrayed by a profession that makes its living by claiming to be healers. I am really traumatized by this, really feel violated in multiple ways. It's really making it hard for me to move on. Thoughts? Suggestions?

The people who try to be helpful saying "focus on you -take a class, save money, do yoga, knit, get a new job" are trying to be helpful, but it really doesn't help. I've been seeing a therapist with some benefit, but can't escape feeling so traumatized.

Keep working at therapy. It sounds like you haven't really gotten to the depths of your rage over this yet, so you're displacing it onto her profession. Doctors are no less human, no better or worse than anyone else.

[Anonymous]

Well, if AP is not your doctor, I am not sure what her job has to do with it.... If you think doctors, lawyers or any other professional are particularly different from the guy who owns the burrito franchise, you are mistaken (though they probably did do better in school).

[Anonymous]

I kind of know what you mean OP. My husband's ex wife is a pediatrician. Yet she's conpletely ditched her kids. I'm thrilled my husband has full custody. But I just can't wrap my head around the fact she's a PEDIATRICIAN. Lives locally and refuses to see her kids.

It's hard to separate person from profession but PP is right. Neither one of us should focus on the job. There are good and bad in every line of work. I do believe most people are good. But there are flawed, weak, and self serving people everywhere. Your husband and his AP are two examples. My step kids' mom is another. Try to focus on your own strengths. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

If I understand your post correctly, you feel that "the other woman" was held to some higher standard because she is a doctor and that therefore you are doubly let down because a doctor had an affair with your husband.

OP, I believe that you have been traumatized badly and there is no doubt about it. But with all due respect, I think you are actually looking for fresh ways to be aggrieved here. Doctors are held to high moral standards FOR THEIR PATIENTS. They have a duty of care to their patients. They are under no obligation to the general public to be good people or morally upstanding. In fact, many of them are first class jerks.

You have good reason to feel upset about the affair itself. Why are you digging for new stars to add to your crown?

[Anonymous]

So after five, MDs are under no obligation to be decent people, have above average judgment, or be upstanding members of the community? In a small town, they would have no patients, wouldn't be able to build their practice with such a poor reputation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Well, if AP is not your doctor, I am not sure what her job has to do with it.... If you think doctors, lawyers or any other professional are particularly different from the guy who owns the burrito franchise, you are mistaken (though they probably did do better in school).

+1

[Anonymous]

Would you see a family practitioner that was technically competent but was chasing/bonking your neighbors husband on her off time? It seems creepy. I could think of ten other off hours hobbies that would make me think twice, but this might be one of them. Aren't there enough single me she could bonk without being so disruptive?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So after five, MDs are under no obligation to be decent people, have above average judgment, or be upstanding members of the community? In a small town, they would have no patients, wouldn't be able to build their practice with such a poor reputation.

Why is this particular to physicians? Is trust not so important with your attorney, financial advisory, or anyone else?