God I hate the ex wife

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Omg, just shut up already. Fuck.

Don't click on the thread if you don't want to read it. Jesus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Sorry I did not address the court order. The court order dictates the amount of the support. He covers their health insurance. Not sure how medical bill work, they probably split them bc he paid for half of glasses and braces. They split activities, except she never pays for when the activities are with us in the summer. They split travel, except she never pays him back for tix. The last thing she told DSD was that she couldn't get an updo for homecoming bc dad wouldn't pay half for it. Not "you're a freshman and we are not spending $120 on your hair." Not "if you want an updo you can do extra chores to pay for it."

Ok so you know exactly Jack about their agreement. Educate yourself first before you make yourself sound like an idiot.

No I just don't remember exactly what the arrangement is for medical. Just bc I don't have the thing memorized verbatim doesn't mean I know "Jack". Regarding the $500 per kid amount, curious what people think would be more appropriate. She is a GS13 in Houston so prob making a high 5 figures. He makes a bit less than her and lives in DC area.

And he's active duty with BAH etc... Tax free shopping? Oh dear you are a bitter one

What tax free shipping. For food you pay a surcharge and the bx/nex is often more than target. Active duty depending on their rank do not make that much money and their lives with deployment suck. Though if kids are on prime, their medical expenses should be minimal. $1500 with extras is reasonable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She hates you, too. Quit nickel and dimeing three innocent kids. God, you terrible step moms on here have made me just terrified of divorce. Those poor babies.

Ummm I don't personally have any support obligations to her kids. I pay for tons of stuff for them. I personally (not DH) just flew everyone to Universal Studios and Disney so we could geek out to a family Harry Potter vacation. I spend my own money taking them on a back to school shopping trip at the end of each summer and then we do a girl's trip to the beauty salon. I took four weeks of my own personal leave this summer to be with them, take them for horseback riding lessons, basketball clinics, volleyball camps etc bc my husband was called away to the field (but he has "tax free shopping" so it's all good). I never speak badly of their mom, even when I am washing every linen in my home bc she didn't tell me about the lice infestation. What really upsets me is that the ex wife doesn't honor her obligations under the divorce decree, and she also leverages her influence with the kids to guilt DH into paying for stuff when she doesn't want to pay for it. So, when exactly was I "terrible?" Was it when I was at the minute clinic with DSD getting her fungal infection treated? Or when I was at the "lice treatment salon" (yes there is such a thing) with DSD who was in tears bc she is 13 and so embarrassed to have lice that her mom didn't take care of properly? The "salon" btw cost $125 but I paid for it bc DSD was devastated and in emotional and physical trauma. The ex bought a $12 shampoo from Walmart and then sent them to me for the summer hoping for the best. Just bc I really dislike the ex and her manipulative financial practices doesn't make me a "terrible" step mom. Being a step is a very hard role. You have a ton of responsibility and virtually no authority. You are on the hook to care for someone else's children. So maybe don't be so judgmental. And just because it's hard doesn't mean I want a divorce, to anyone who might be wondering.

OP, you sound like a kind step-mom. It is a hard role. Many people on DCUM are understandably anxious about the idea of someone else stepping into a mothering role in relation to their children, and their anxiety influences their responses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She hates you, too. Quit nickel and dimeing three innocent kids. God, you terrible step moms on here have made me just terrified of divorce. Those poor babies.

Ummm I don't personally have any support obligations to her kids. I pay for tons of stuff for them. I personally (not DH) just flew everyone to Universal Studios and Disney so we could geek out to a family Harry Potter vacation. I spend my own money taking them on a back to school shopping trip at the end of each summer and then we do a girl's trip to the beauty salon. I took four weeks of my own personal leave this summer to be with them, take them for horseback riding lessons, basketball clinics, volleyball camps etc bc my husband was called away to the field (but he has "tax free shopping" so it's all good). I never speak badly of their mom, even when I am washing every linen in my home bc she didn't tell me about the lice infestation. What really upsets me is that the ex wife doesn't honor her obligations under the divorce decree, and she also leverages her influence with the kids to guilt DH into paying for stuff when she doesn't want to pay for it. So, when exactly was I "terrible?" Was it when I was at the minute clinic with DSD getting her fungal infection treated? Or when I was at the "lice treatment salon" (yes there is such a thing) with DSD who was in tears bc she is 13 and so embarrassed to have lice that her mom didn't take care of properly? The "salon" btw cost $125 but I paid for it bc DSD was devastated and in emotional and physical trauma. The ex bought a $12 shampoo from Walmart and then sent them to me for the summer hoping for the best. Just bc I really dislike the ex and her manipulative financial practices doesn't make me a "terrible" step mom. Being a step is a very hard role. You have a ton of responsibility and virtually no authority. You are on the hook to care for someone else's children. So maybe don't be so judgmental. And just because it's hard doesn't mean I want a divorce, to anyone who might be wondering.

Really and truly, world'a smallest violin.
You are their dads wife. That's it. #Nothemama . Shut up or leave.

[Anonymous]

OP, I am in the position of being friends with a couple who divorced.. the dh is now remarried and I like his new wife. She is step mom to his kids, and does the sorts of things you are talking about. Their mom, however, pulls some of the stunts you are talking about your dh's ex pulling.

Another friend is step mom to two kids. She is continually taking them shopping for clothes, buying their school supplies, Halloween costumes etc. Their mom doesn't contribute to those things. In both cases they are more than the Dad's wife.

So.. ignore the ones telling you to shut up or leave. Of course it's frustrating. I suggested earlier that support needs to be paid as is.. but keep track of the extras. The parents are supposed to be paying X amount each for the extras, and that is what they should be doing.

[Anonymous]

Some of the things you are complaint about are idiotic. The kids have insurance- why didn't you use that for the fungal infection? If it was OTC then just pay for it. Pay for the lice shampoo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She hates you, too. Quit nickel and dimeing three innocent kids. God, you terrible step moms on here have made me just terrified of divorce. Those poor babies.

Ummm I don't personally have any support obligations to her kids. I pay for tons of stuff for them. I personally (not DH) just flew everyone to Universal Studios and Disney so we could geek out to a family Harry Potter vacation. I spend my own money taking them on a back to school shopping trip at the end of each summer and then we do a girl's trip to the beauty salon. I took four weeks of my own personal leave this summer to be with them, take them for horseback riding lessons, basketball clinics, volleyball camps etc bc my husband was called away to the field (but he has "tax free shopping" so it's all good). I never speak badly of their mom, even when I am washing every linen in my home bc she didn't tell me about the lice infestation. What really upsets me is that the ex wife doesn't honor her obligations under the divorce decree, and she also leverages her influence with the kids to guilt DH into paying for stuff when she doesn't want to pay for it. So, when exactly was I "terrible?" Was it when I was at the minute clinic with DSD getting her fungal infection treated? Or when I was at the "lice treatment salon" (yes there is such a thing) with DSD who was in tears bc she is 13 and so embarrassed to have lice that her mom didn't take care of properly? The "salon" btw cost $125 but I paid for it bc DSD was devastated and in emotional and physical trauma. The ex bought a $12 shampoo from Walmart and then sent them to me for the summer hoping for the best. Just bc I really dislike the ex and her manipulative financial practices doesn't make me a "terrible" step mom. Being a step is a very hard role. You have a ton of responsibility and virtually no authority. You are on the hook to care for someone else's children. So maybe don't be so judgmental. And just because it's hard doesn't mean I want a divorce, to anyone who might be wondering.

Really and truly, world'a smallest violin.
You are their dads wife. That's it. #Nothemama . Shut up or leave.

Actually I am their stepmom, the mother of their half sibling, and a loving, reliable, and caring adult role model who is very much a part of their lives. I have medical power of attorney for them when they are in my home, I put money in their college accounts every year, I help them with boy troubles, and I spoil them whenever I can. Indeed, I am "not the mama" but your hashtag, while cute, doesn't invalidate the fact that step parents are part of the family. Also I'm the OP and I started this thread, so I am not sure why you are telling me to shut up and leave. If you don't want to read it, just don't open the thread or go start your own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She hates you, too. Quit nickel and dimeing three innocent kids. God, you terrible step moms on here have made me just terrified of divorce. Those poor babies.

Ummm I don't personally have any support obligations to her kids. I pay for tons of stuff for them. I personally (not DH) just flew everyone to Universal Studios and Disney so we could geek out to a family Harry Potter vacation. I spend my own money taking them on a back to school shopping trip at the end of each summer and then we do a girl's trip to the beauty salon. I took four weeks of my own personal leave this summer to be with them, take them for horseback riding lessons, basketball clinics, volleyball camps etc bc my husband was called away to the field (but he has "tax free shopping" so it's all good). I never speak badly of their mom, even when I am washing every linen in my home bc she didn't tell me about the lice infestation. What really upsets me is that the ex wife doesn't honor her obligations under the divorce decree, and she also leverages her influence with the kids to guilt DH into paying for stuff when she doesn't want to pay for it. So, when exactly was I "terrible?" Was it when I was at the minute clinic with DSD getting her fungal infection treated? Or when I was at the "lice treatment salon" (yes there is such a thing) with DSD who was in tears bc she is 13 and so embarrassed to have lice that her mom didn't take care of properly? The "salon" btw cost $125 but I paid for it bc DSD was devastated and in emotional and physical trauma. The ex bought a $12 shampoo from Walmart and then sent them to me for the summer hoping for the best. Just bc I really dislike the ex and her manipulative financial practices doesn't make me a "terrible" step mom. Being a step is a very hard role. You have a ton of responsibility and virtually no authority. You are on the hook to care for someone else's children. So maybe don't be so judgmental. And just because it's hard doesn't mean I want a divorce, to anyone who might be wondering.

Really and truly, world'a smallest violin.
You are their dads wife. That's it. #Nothemama . Shut up or leave.

Actually I am their stepmom, the mother of their half sibling, and a loving, reliable, and caring adult role model who is very much a part of their lives. I have medical power of attorney for them when they are in my home, I put money in their college accounts every year, I help them with boy troubles, and I spoil them whenever I can. Indeed, I am "not the mama" but your hashtag, while cute, doesn't invalidate the fact that step parents are part of the family. Also I'm the OP and I started this thread, so I am not sure why you are telling me to shut up and leave. If you don't want to read it, just don't open the thread or go start your own.

I'm telling you to shut up or leave your husband. You knew what you signed up to do. If you were seriously concerned about your husbands kids you would've told him he needed to go be with them until they were adults and then you could've started your family. There is a reason ever yreligion ain't found of multiple families. Even polygamist have one family nucleus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Really and truly, world'a smallest violin.
You are their dads wife. That's it. #Nothemama . Shut up or leave.

Actually I am their stepmom, the mother of their half sibling, and a loving, reliable, and caring adult role model who is very much a part of their lives. I have medical power of attorney for them when they are in my home, I put money in their college accounts every year, I help them with boy troubles, and I spoil them whenever I can. Indeed, I am "not the mama" but your hashtag, while cute, doesn't invalidate the fact that step parents are part of the family. Also I'm the OP and I started this thread, so I am not sure why you are telling me to shut up and leave. If you don't want to read it, just don't open the thread or go start your own.

I'm telling you to shut up or leave your husband. You knew what you signed up to do. If you were seriously concerned about your husbands kids you would've told him he needed to go be with them until they were adults and then you could've started your family. There is a reason ever yreligion ain't found of multiple families. Even polygamist have one family nucleus.

NP here. PP is seriously wacko. Stop harassing this woman. Her gripes sound legit to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She hates you, too. Quit nickel and dimeing three innocent kids. God, you terrible step moms on here have made me just terrified of divorce. Those poor babies.

Ummm I don't personally have any support obligations to her kids. I pay for tons of stuff for them. I personally (not DH) just flew everyone to Universal Studios and Disney so we could geek out to a family Harry Potter vacation. I spend my own money taking them on a back to school shopping trip at the end of each summer and then we do a girl's trip to the beauty salon. I took four weeks of my own personal leave this summer to be with them, take them for horseback riding lessons, basketball clinics, volleyball camps etc bc my husband was called away to the field (but he has "tax free shopping" so it's all good). I never speak badly of their mom, even when I am washing every linen in my home bc she didn't tell me about the lice infestation. What really upsets me is that the ex wife doesn't honor her obligations under the divorce decree, and she also leverages her influence with the kids to guilt DH into paying for stuff when she doesn't want to pay for it. So, when exactly was I "terrible?" Was it when I was at the minute clinic with DSD getting her fungal infection treated? Or when I was at the "lice treatment salon" (yes there is such a thing) with DSD who was in tears bc she is 13 and so embarrassed to have lice that her mom didn't take care of properly? The "salon" btw cost $125 but I paid for it bc DSD was devastated and in emotional and physical trauma. The ex bought a $12 shampoo from Walmart and then sent them to me for the summer hoping for the best. Just bc I really dislike the ex and her manipulative financial practices doesn't make me a "terrible" step mom. Being a step is a very hard role. You have a ton of responsibility and virtually no authority. You are on the hook to care for someone else's children. So maybe don't be so judgmental. And just because it's hard doesn't mean I want a divorce, to anyone who might be wondering.

Really and truly, world'a smallest violin.
You are their dads wife. That's it. #Nothemama . Shut up or leave.

Actually I am their stepmom, the mother of their half sibling, and a loving, reliable, and caring adult role model who is very much a part of their lives. I have medical power of attorney for them when they are in my home, I put money in their college accounts every year, I help them with boy troubles, and I spoil them whenever I can. Indeed, I am "not the mama" but your hashtag, while cute, doesn't invalidate the fact that step parents are part of the family. Also I'm the OP and I started this thread, so I am not sure why you are telling me to shut up and leave. If you don't want to read it, just don't open the thread or go start your own.

I'm telling you to shut up or leave your husband. You knew what you signed up to do. If you were seriously concerned about your husbands kids you would've told him he needed to go be with them until they were adults and then you could've started your family. There is a reason ever yreligion ain't found of multiple families. Even polygamist have one family nucleus.

Oh now I see why I misunderstood you. You were advising me to leave my family because I am complaining on an anonymous Internet forum that I dislike the ex wife. I also didn't understand your concern that our family situation is contrary to every major religion. Sorry, I didn't realize you are whack-job. If I had known, I would have ignored your posts! Sorry!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Really and truly, world'a smallest violin.
You are their dads wife. That's it. #Nothemama . Shut up or leave.

Actually I am their stepmom, the mother of their half sibling, and a loving, reliable, and caring adult role model who is very much a part of their lives. I have medical power of attorney for them when they are in my home, I put money in their college accounts every year, I help them with boy troubles, and I spoil them whenever I can. Indeed, I am "not the mama" but your hashtag, while cute, doesn't invalidate the fact that step parents are part of the family. Also I'm the OP and I started this thread, so I am not sure why you are telling me to shut up and leave. If you don't want to read it, just don't open the thread or go start your own.

I'm telling you to shut up or leave your husband. You knew what you signed up to do. If you were seriously concerned about your husbands kids you would've told him he needed to go be with them until they were adults and then you could've started your family. There is a reason ever yreligion ain't found of multiple families. Even polygamist have one family nucleus.

NP here. PP is seriously wacko. Stop harassing this woman. Her gripes sound legit to me.

She should keep them to herself. Go ask DrLaura. She should not have married a man with this other commitment. This money, energy and time draining not only us (DCUM SC ), but her, and her actual kid. This was a bad choice. But I'll stop posting she can complain on...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She hates you, too. Quit nickel and dimeing three innocent kids. God, you terrible step moms on here have made me just terrified of divorce. Those poor babies.

Ummm I don't personally have any support obligations to her kids. I pay for tons of stuff for them. I personally (not DH) just flew everyone to Universal Studios and Disney so we could geek out to a family Harry Potter vacation. I spend my own money taking them on a back to school shopping trip at the end of each summer and then we do a girl's trip to the beauty salon. I took four weeks of my own personal leave this summer to be with them, take them for horseback riding lessons, basketball clinics, volleyball camps etc bc my husband was called away to the field (but he has "tax free shopping" so it's all good). I never speak badly of their mom, even when I am washing every linen in my home bc she didn't tell me about the lice infestation. What really upsets me is that the ex wife doesn't honor her obligations under the divorce decree, and she also leverages her influence with the kids to guilt DH into paying for stuff when she doesn't want to pay for it. So, when exactly was I "terrible?" Was it when I was at the minute clinic with DSD getting her fungal infection treated? Or when I was at the "lice treatment salon" (yes there is such a thing) with DSD who was in tears bc she is 13 and so embarrassed to have lice that her mom didn't take care of properly? The "salon" btw cost $125 but I paid for it bc DSD was devastated and in emotional and physical trauma. The ex bought a $12 shampoo from Walmart and then sent them to me for the summer hoping for the best. Just bc I really dislike the ex and her manipulative financial practices doesn't make me a "terrible" step mom. Being a step is a very hard role. You have a ton of responsibility and virtually no authority. You are on the hook to care for someone else's children. So maybe don't be so judgmental. And just because it's hard doesn't mean I want a divorce, to anyone who might be wondering.

Really and truly, world'a smallest violin.
You are their dads wife. That's it. #Nothemama . Shut up or leave.

Actually I am their stepmom, the mother of their half sibling, and a loving, reliable, and caring adult role model who is very much a part of their lives. I have medical power of attorney for them when they are in my home, I put money in their college accounts every year, I help them with boy troubles, and I spoil them whenever I can. Indeed, I am "not the mama" but your hashtag, while cute, doesn't invalidate the fact that step parents are part of the family. Also I'm the OP and I started this thread, so I am not sure why you are telling me to shut up and leave. If you don't want to read it, just don't open the thread or go start your own.

I'm telling you to shut up or leave your husband. You knew what you signed up to do. If you were seriously concerned about your husbands kids you would've told him he needed to go be with them until they were adults and then you could've started your family. There is a reason ever yreligion ain't found of multiple families. Even polygamist have one family nucleus.

Oh now I see why I misunderstood you. You were advising me to leave my family because I am complaining on an anonymous Internet forum that I dislike the ex wife. I also didn't understand your concern that our family situation is contrary to every major religion. Sorry, I didn't realize you are whack-job. If I had known, I would have ignored your posts! Sorry!!

Now I see why she sent her kids with lice to your house. You're a peach. Angry because somebody called you out on your stuff.

[Anonymous]

Dr. Laura??

LMAO

[Anonymous]

OP, you've been extremely specific about identifying details about your husband, his ex, the age of your stepkids, and their locations. Anyone who knows even a little about you or him or them could put this together. I hope you're fudging some of the details and/or that no one who knows your families on DCUM. Otherwise you're airing a lot of dirty laundry.

As for the other stuff, IMO it sounds for the most part like you are all three doing your best in a difficult situation. Be fair; she's a single mom (I presume from your posts) with three kids while at least you and your DH have the both of you. That said, I agree it's lame to blame your husband for updos, etc. and that your wording and reasoning were way better. And not cool on sending the kids to you sick/infested - no excuse there.

As for her half of the plane tickets, have you tried just deducting it from other payments and explaining why, very matter-of-factly? "Dear Jane, enclosed is a check for the 50% of Junior's braces and soccer camp, less the $750 you owe us for the shared expense of their flights last month. Best, John."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It is 1500 per month, 500 per kid. Their ages are 14,13, and 9.

That's a pittance for 3 kids who are in growth spurt years.