Husband goes to bed at 8:30 every night

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Problem is our 5yo usually sleeps with us, which DH seems to have no problem with. Also he doesn't even say good night, just goes to bed. Sex no more than once a week, maybe twice a month. He doesn't spend that much time on his hobby (photography), jut doesn't have a lot of energy and goes to bed. I'm sure he's not having a physical affair.

Well, your biggest problem isn't lack of time - it's having a 5 year old in bed with you! WTF? This is what "co-sleeping" gets you...

Talk about birth-control....I doubt very much he's having an affair as studies show that spending a lot of time around small children lowers men's T levels...and with the T levels so goes the libido.

[Anonymous]

Join him in the bed and get creative

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:8:30 is a little extreme. 9:30 maybe, but this sounds very strange for an adult who doesn't have to wake up at 3am to go to bed this early.

9 hours of sleep is optimal for athletes from a recent stanford study - 830-5am is excellent.

He sounds like he has his shit together - healthy sleep, takes care of his kid, goes to work, keeps his health by working out, has a hobby - damn what more do you want?

This, for sure. My DH tries to be asleep by 9 PM on weeknights because he gets up at 5:00 or 5:30 weekday mornings for an exercise and meditation class, then bikes to work from there. He's very healthy and in excellent shape, he manages his considerable stress very well, and he's an excellent husband and father. I have zero complaints.

How often do you have sex during the week?

We usually save it for the weekends when we're less tired, or we'll meet for lunch during the work week. We have great sex at least once a week. Maybe that's not exceptional for you young folk, but we think it's pretty good for a couple pushing 50 and married 25 years. I used to be a night owl but over the years I have changed my sleep schedule to be more like my husband's. We like to be together even if one of us is sleeping, so we go to bed at the same time every night and I read for awhile after he goes to sleep. I'm sure it sounds boring to many people, but it works well for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:8:30 is a little extreme. 9:30 maybe, but this sounds very strange for an adult who doesn't have to wake up at 3am to go to bed this early.

9 hours of sleep is optimal for athletes from a recent stanford study - 830-5am is excellent.

He sounds like he has his shit together - healthy sleep, takes care of his kid, goes to work, keeps his health by working out, has a hobby - damn what more do you want?

This, for sure. My DH tries to be asleep by 9 PM on weeknights because he gets up at 5:00 or 5:30 weekday mornings for an exercise and meditation class, then bikes to work from there. He's very healthy and in excellent shape, he manages his considerable stress very well, and he's an excellent husband and father. I have zero complaints.

How often do you have sex during the week?

We usually save it for the weekends when we're less tired, or we'll meet for lunch during the work week. We have great sex at least once a week. Maybe that's not exceptional for you young folk, but we think it's pretty good for a couple pushing 50 and married 25 years. I used to be a night owl but over the years I have changed my sleep schedule to be more like my husband's. We like to be together even if one of us is sleeping, so we go to bed at the same time every night and I read for awhile after he goes to sleep. I'm sure it sounds boring to many people, but it works well for us.

Huh. I didn't realize I had already posted on this thread.

Seriously. The same at our house.

[Anonymous]

Your husband might be exhausted. He's getting 8 hours of sleep. That's the ideal. I would be dead tired at 8:30 if I was up by 5. But not saying good night is extremely rude and you should address that with an I-statement repeatedly. I feel uncared about when you don't even say goodnight. WTF.

OP we co-slept on and off but I recommend you use rewards now to get your child to sleep on his/her own (books by Alan Kazdin explain them well).

If your husband acts aloof to you after some basic changes I think you should seek counseling.

[Anonymous]

I go to bed by 9PM (a newish goal of mine, to get more sleep!) and wake up at 5AM to exercise as well. My DH comes to bed later.

You know, you don't need to be laying in bed to have sex, right? We have sex more than the average married couple, at about 3xs a week, sometimes 3xs in a weekend and ALWAYS at least once during the work week.

I don't understand the problem. I work full time, I don't have time to sit on my ass and watch TV. My DH does not expect me to sit on my ass and watch TV with him either. Sleep is a better use of my time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Problem is our 5yo usually sleeps with us, which DH seems to have no problem with. Also he doesn't even say good night, just goes to bed. Sex no more than once a week, maybe twice a month. He doesn't spend that much time on his hobby (photography), jut doesn't have a lot of energy and goes to bed. I'm sure he's not having a physical affair.

Your gown child sleeps with you? Weird. You have bigger problems than this. Of course your marriage is a wreck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Problem is our 5yo usually sleeps with us, which DH seems to have no problem with. Also he doesn't even say good night, just goes to bed. Sex no more than once a week, maybe twice a month. He doesn't spend that much time on his hobby (photography), jut doesn't have a lot of energy and goes to bed. I'm sure he's not having a physical affair.

Your gown child sleeps with you? Weird. You have bigger problems than this. Of course your marriage is a wreck.

What is a "gown child"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Problem is our 5yo usually sleeps with us, which DH seems to have no problem with. Also he doesn't even say good night, just goes to bed. Sex no more than once a week, maybe twice a month. He doesn't spend that much time on his hobby (photography), jut doesn't have a lot of energy and goes to bed. I'm sure he's not having a physical affair.

Your gown child sleeps with you? Weird. You have bigger problems than this. Of course your marriage is a wreck.

What is a "gown child"?

NP here - it's a typo you nimrod.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Problem is our 5yo usually sleeps with us, which DH seems to have no problem with. Also he doesn't even say good night, just goes to bed. Sex no more than once a week, maybe twice a month. He doesn't spend that much time on his hobby (photography), jut doesn't have a lot of energy and goes to bed. I'm sure he's not having a physical affair.

Your gown child sleeps with you? Weird. You have bigger problems than this. Of course your marriage is a wreck.

What is a "gown child"?

NP here - it's a typo you nimrod.

Yes, but for what? The post is not only rude, it's unintelligible due to the typo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Problem is our 5yo usually sleeps with us, which DH seems to have no problem with. Also he doesn't even say good night, just goes to bed. Sex no more than once a week, maybe twice a month. He doesn't spend that much time on his hobby (photography), jut doesn't have a lot of energy and goes to bed. I'm sure he's not having a physical affair.

Your gown child sleeps with you? Weird. You have bigger problems than this. Of course your marriage is a wreck.

What is a "gown child"?

NP here - it's a typo you nimrod.

Yes, but for what? The post is not only rude, it's unintelligible due to the typo.

Not the quoted PP, but I'm assuming it's supposed to be "grown child."

[Anonymous]

5 is not exactly grown.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Early morning sex. 30 minutes before he gets up.

Between 3 am - 4 am works best in our household. We are rested and I can pretty much jumpstart DH within a minute of letting my ass make contact with his crotch and just making some innocuous movements! He goes back to sleep for another hour after sex and I continue sleeping for next 3 hours.

What about conversation and connecting outside of just the physical though?

Oy! I never thought of that! I guess DH needs some conversation and perhaps resents being objectified and used solely for sex? You have me convinced though. I will try and text him tomorrow!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:8:30 is a little extreme. 9:30 maybe, but this sounds very strange for an adult who doesn't have to wake up at 3am to go to bed this early.

9 hours of sleep is optimal for athletes from a recent stanford study - 830-5am is excellent.

He sounds like he has his shit together - healthy sleep, takes care of his kid, goes to work, keeps his health by working out, has a hobby - damn what more do you want?

This, for sure. My DH tries to be asleep by 9 PM on weeknights because he gets up at 5:00 or 5:30 weekday mornings for an exercise and meditation class, then bikes to work from there. He's very healthy and in excellent shape, he manages his considerable stress very well, and he's an excellent husband and father. I have zero complaints.

How often do you have sex during the week?

We usually save it for the weekends when we're less tired, or we'll meet for lunch during the work week. We have great sex at least once a week. Maybe that's not exceptional for you young folk, but we think it's pretty good for a couple pushing 50 and married 25 years. I used to be a night owl but over the years I have changed my sleep schedule to be more like my husband's. We like to be together even if one of us is sleeping, so we go to bed at the same time every night and I read for awhile after he goes to sleep. I'm sure it sounds boring to many people, but it works well for us.

NP here. I am a DW who is pushing 50 and married for 25 years. We had sex at least 2-3 times a week after our kids started to sleep through the night. Since my 40s my libido has increased and our frequency has also increased. We also started sleeping in separate bedrooms and that has improved the quality of our sleep and consequently our sex life. We are not exercise fiends - but both of us are fairly healthy, do not smoke, eat clean, have not gained weight and do not have high stress lives. Good sleep quality and quantity is the key in my opinion.

[Anonymous]

OP here. We decided to talk tonight. He says he is distant because I seem depressed. Chicken or egg? He will try to take on more responsibility, me to give up control. Still, if we didn't have kids I would be out of this marriage tomorrow. But if we didn't have kids we probably wouldn't be in this rut.