Husband goes to bed at 8:30 every night

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:8:30 is a little extreme. 9:30 maybe, but this sounds very strange for an adult who doesn't have to wake up at 3am to go to bed this early.

9 hours of sleep is optimal for athletes from a recent stanford study - 830-5am is excellent.

He sounds like he has his shit together - healthy sleep, takes care of his kid, goes to work, keeps his health by working out, has a hobby - damn what more do you want?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:8:30 is a little extreme. 9:30 maybe, but this sounds very strange for an adult who doesn't have to wake up at 3am to go to bed this early.

9 hours of sleep is optimal for athletes from a recent stanford study - 830-5am is excellent.

He sounds like he has his shit together - healthy sleep, takes care of his kid, goes to work, keeps his health by working out, has a hobby - damn what more do you want?

Yeah, I kind of agree with this. I used to get up with the sun at more or less whatever time that was (I lived much closer to work and was single), and went to bed at 10:30-11PM. Now that I'm married, and my wife and I have moved, our wakeup time to deal with the commute and making time for exercise, we are up at 5:30AM, and out cold by 10 (sometimes 9:30). Most of our free time to be together is now eaten up with commuting. We're expecting so she's out by 9:30 definitely, and I expect the child will eat up the remaining hour and a half or so that we have for "us" right now. I'm dreading this part (though excited about the child) but there are only so many hours in the day and something has to give.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:8:30 is a little extreme. 9:30 maybe, but this sounds very strange for an adult who doesn't have to wake up at 3am to go to bed this early.

9 hours of sleep is optimal for athletes from a recent stanford study - 830-5am is excellent.

He sounds like he has his shit together - healthy sleep, takes care of his kid, goes to work, keeps his health by working out, has a hobby - damn what more do you want?

Yeah, I kind of agree with this. I used to get up with the sun at more or less whatever time that was (I lived much closer to work and was single), and went to bed at 10:30-11PM. Now that I'm married, and my wife and I have moved, our wakeup time to deal with the commute and making time for exercise, we are up at 5:30AM, and out cold by 10 (sometimes 9:30). Most of our free time to be together is now eaten up with commuting. We're expecting so she's out by 9:30 definitely, and I expect the child will eat up the remaining hour and a half or so that we have for "us" right now. I'm dreading this part (though excited about the child) but there are only so many hours in the day and something has to give.

This is why I will never live in the suburbs.

[Anonymous]

8:30 is wayyy early. Me and DH use our time after the kids are in bed to reconnect. Perhaps your DH needs to make more of an effort to spend time with you on the weekend. Get a marriage counselor or invest in some marriage books to read together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:8:30 is a little extreme. 9:30 maybe, but this sounds very strange for an adult who doesn't have to wake up at 3am to go to bed this early.

9 hours of sleep is optimal for athletes from a recent stanford study - 830-5am is excellent.

He sounds like he has his shit together - healthy sleep, takes care of his kid, goes to work, keeps his health by working out, has a hobby - damn what more do you want?

Yeah, I kind of agree with this. I used to get up with the sun at more or less whatever time that was (I lived much closer to work and was single), and went to bed at 10:30-11PM. Now that I'm married, and my wife and I have moved, our wakeup time to deal with the commute and making time for exercise, we are up at 5:30AM, and out cold by 10 (sometimes 9:30). Most of our free time to be together is now eaten up with commuting. We're expecting so she's out by 9:30 definitely, and I expect the child will eat up the remaining hour and a half or so that we have for "us" right now. I'm dreading this part (though excited about the child) but there are only so many hours in the day and something has to give.

This is why I will never live in the suburbs.

I live and work in the suburbs. 15 minute commute each way. I will never work in DC proper.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:8:30 is a little extreme. 9:30 maybe, but this sounds very strange for an adult who doesn't have to wake up at 3am to go to bed this early.

9 hours of sleep is optimal for athletes from a recent stanford study - 830-5am is excellent.

He sounds like he has his shit together - healthy sleep, takes care of his kid, goes to work, keeps his health by working out, has a hobby - damn what more do you want?

This, for sure. My DH tries to be asleep by 9 PM on weeknights because he gets up at 5:00 or 5:30 weekday mornings for an exercise and meditation class, then bikes to work from there. He's very healthy and in excellent shape, he manages his considerable stress very well, and he's an excellent husband and father. I have zero complaints.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's his hobby?? Can you join in?

Please don't do that. Very crappy advice. If he wants you to join, he will ask.

[Anonymous]

Early morning sex. 30 minutes before he gets up.

Between 3 am - 4 am works best in our household. We are rested and I can pretty much jumpstart DH within a minute of letting my ass make contact with his crotch and just making some innocuous movements! He goes back to sleep for another hour after sex and I continue sleeping for next 3 hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:8:30 is a little extreme. 9:30 maybe, but this sounds very strange for an adult who doesn't have to wake up at 3am to go to bed this early.

9 hours of sleep is optimal for athletes from a recent stanford study - 830-5am is excellent.

He sounds like he has his shit together - healthy sleep, takes care of his kid, goes to work, keeps his health by working out, has a hobby - damn what more do you want?

This, for sure. My DH tries to be asleep by 9 PM on weeknights because he gets up at 5:00 or 5:30 weekday mornings for an exercise and meditation class, then bikes to work from there. He's very healthy and in excellent shape, he manages his considerable stress very well, and he's an excellent husband and father. I have zero complaints.

How often do you have sex during the week?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:8:30 is a little extreme. 9:30 maybe, but this sounds very strange for an adult who doesn't have to wake up at 3am to go to bed this early.

9 hours of sleep is optimal for athletes from a recent stanford study - 830-5am is excellent.

He sounds like he has his shit together - healthy sleep, takes care of his kid, goes to work, keeps his health by working out, has a hobby - damn what more do you want?

Yeah, I kind of agree with this. I used to get up with the sun at more or less whatever time that was (I lived much closer to work and was single), and went to bed at 10:30-11PM. Now that I'm married, and my wife and I have moved, our wakeup time to deal with the commute and making time for exercise, we are up at 5:30AM, and out cold by 10 (sometimes 9:30). Most of our free time to be together is now eaten up with commuting. We're expecting so she's out by 9:30 definitely, and I expect the child will eat up the remaining hour and a half or so that we have for "us" right now. I'm dreading this part (though excited about the child) but there are only so many hours in the day and something has to give.

This is why I will never live in the suburbs.

I live and work in the suburbs. 15 minute commute each way. I will never work in DC proper.

Yeah, I'm the guy bitching about commute time. I used to be a 7 minute walk from my office. Totally spoiled, I know. However, I used to have a girlfriend (before DW) who lived in DC proper and worked in Rosslyn (Ft. Myer), and had a 35+ minute commute just based on crappy traffic, and I personally kind of consider Rosslyn "DC proper". The point isn't being the suburbs or in the district, it's how close to your office you are. We just can't help it - she works in the FAR-out 'burbs and we have to split the difference or it would be completely unworkable. At least our commutes are ~45min. each, not 1.5 hours like so many. The burb she works in is a bedroom community of people who are commuting 1.5-2hrs/day. I'd just shoot myself. Horrible horrible place to live.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Yeah, I'm the guy bitching about commute time. I used to be a 7 minute walk from my office. Totally spoiled, I know. However, I used to have a girlfriend (before DW) who lived in DC proper and worked in Rosslyn (Ft. Myer), and had a 35+ minute commute just based on crappy traffic, and I personally kind of consider Rosslyn "DC proper". The point isn't being the suburbs or in the district, it's how close to your office you are. We just can't help it - she works in the FAR-out 'burbs and we have to split the difference or it would be completely unworkable. At least our commutes are ~45min. each, not 1.5 hours like so many. The burb she works in is a bedroom community of people who are commuting 1.5-2hrs/day. I'd just shoot myself. Horrible horrible place to live.

I should proof read:

- Ft. Myer Drive
- 1.5-2hrs/each way

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Early morning sex. 30 minutes before he gets up.

Between 3 am - 4 am works best in our household. We are rested and I can pretty much jumpstart DH within a minute of letting my ass make contact with his crotch and just making some innocuous movements! He goes back to sleep for another hour after sex and I continue sleeping for next 3 hours.

What about conversation and connecting outside of just the physical though?

[Anonymous]

My husband is on a similar schedule, only closer to 9:30. I am a night owl, but I will go to bed with him about four nights out of the week. When we are done cuddling, having sex or talking, I go back to the living room and he goes to sleep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Early morning sex. 30 minutes before he gets up.

Between 3 am - 4 am works best in our household. We are rested and I can pretty much jumpstart DH within a minute of letting my ass make contact with his crotch and just making some innocuous movements! He goes back to sleep for another hour after sex and I continue sleeping for next 3 hours.

I think I would knock my DH out cold if he tried to initiate sex at 3 am when I'm still asleep..... and I'm the one with the higher drive.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Problem is our 5yo usually sleeps with us, which DH seems to have no problem with. Also he doesn't even say good night, just goes to bed. Sex no more than once a week, maybe twice a month. He doesn't spend that much time on his hobby (photography), jut doesn't have a lot of energy and goes to bed. I'm sure he's not having a physical affair.