Toddler daughter is mean to my mom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WTF.

Early stages of dementia?

Throws toys back at your DD? Hits back?

Your mother is the problem--and YOU are the problem in your daughter's case for not protecting her. Your mom should never be left alone with your DD.

Why are you so concerned for your mom's feelings versus your daughter's safety and well-being?

Why am I concerned about my mom's feelings? Because she's my mom. And if I ever felt my daughter's safety and well-being was at stake, I would certainly do something about it. Sheesh, you are totally blowing this way out of proportion - never did I feel like my daughter was "unsafe" with my mom. My mom was playing around with her in her own way, albeit far from the best way.

But your daughter feels that her safety and well-being is at stake! From your original post:
" I've asked my daughter why she is mean toward my mom, and she gives varying answers.... she says she gets scared that mom and dad aren't there. I asked her if she felt that way with her other grandmom, and she said no."
Why can't you see this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WTF.

Early stages of dementia?

Throws toys back at your DD? Hits back?

Your mother is the problem--and YOU are the problem in your daughter's case for not protecting her. Your mom should never be left alone with your DD.

Why are you so concerned for your mom's feelings versus your daughter's safety and well-being?

Why am I concerned about my mom's feelings? Because she's my mom. And if I ever felt my daughter's safety and well-being was at stake, I would certainly do something about it. Sheesh, you are totally blowing this way out of proportion - never did I feel like my daughter was "unsafe" with my mom. My mom was playing around with her in her own way, albeit far from the best way.

But your daughter feels that her safety and well-being is at stake! From your original post:
" I've asked my daughter why she is mean toward my mom, and she gives varying answers.... she says she gets scared that mom and dad aren't there. I asked her if she felt that way with her other grandmom, and she said no."
Why can't you see this?

+1. And the whole thread is titled "Toddler daughter is mean to my mom" when it should be "my mom (who should know better) is mean to my toddler daughter"

[Anonymous]

Actually, I think the thread should have been titled "My mother and daughter aren't close and it makes me sad."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WTF.

Early stages of dementia?

Throws toys back at your DD? Hits back?

Your mother is the problem--and YOU are the problem in your daughter's case for not protecting her. Your mom should never be left alone with your DD.

Why are you so concerned for your mom's feelings versus your daughter's safety and well-being?

Why am I concerned about my mom's feelings? Because she's my mom. And if I ever felt my daughter's safety and well-being was at stake, I would certainly do something about it. Sheesh, you are totally blowing this way out of proportion - never did I feel like my daughter was "unsafe" with my mom. My mom was playing around with her in her own way, albeit far from the best way.

But your daughter feels that her safety and well-being is at stake! From your original post:
" I've asked my daughter why she is mean toward my mom, and she gives varying answers.... she says she gets scared that mom and dad aren't there. I asked her if she felt that way with her other grandmom, and she said no."
Why can't you see this?

+1. And the whole thread is titled "Toddler daughter is mean to my mom" when it should be "my mom (who should know better) is mean to my toddler daughter"

NP here.

Your daughter is NOT SAFE with your mom without another adult present. Would you allow anyone else with early dementia who hits your daughter and scares her to babysit? It sounds like your mom does not want to babysit her any more, which is great. You all can spend time together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WTF.

Early stages of dementia?

Throws toys back at your DD? Hits back?

Your mother is the problem--and YOU are the problem in your daughter's case for not protecting her. Your mom should never be left alone with your DD.

Why are you so concerned for your mom's feelings versus your daughter's safety and well-being?

Why am I concerned about my mom's feelings? Because she's my mom. And if I ever felt my daughter's safety and well-being was at stake, I would certainly do something about it. Sheesh, you are totally blowing this way out of proportion - never did I feel like my daughter was "unsafe" with my mom. My mom was playing around with her in her own way, albeit far from the best way.

But your daughter feels that her safety and well-being is at stake! From your original post:
" I've asked my daughter why she is mean toward my mom, and she gives varying answers.... she says she gets scared that mom and dad aren't there. I asked her if she felt that way with her other grandmom, and she said no."
Why can't you see this?

My daughter also feels that her "safety and well-being" are at stake, when I turn the vacuum cleaner or blow dryer on. That doesn't mean I'm going to remove them from my house because they are unsafe. Seriously, you are acting as if I put my daughter in the care of a pedophile or something. It's my mom, with inappropriate parenting skills, yes, but she wants the best for my daughter and loves her.

[Anonymous]

Clearly you don't want to hear what we're saying, so I'll try something else to see if it sits better.

Your poor mother. I'm sorry your daughter is such an incorrigible brat to her, as a toddler she really ought to know better than to act like a toddler.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WTF.

Early stages of dementia?

Throws toys back at your DD? Hits back?

Your mother is the problem--and YOU are the problem in your daughter's case for not protecting her. Your mom should never be left alone with your DD.

Why are you so concerned for your mom's feelings versus your daughter's safety and well-being?

Why am I concerned about my mom's feelings? Because she's my mom. And if I ever felt my daughter's safety and well-being was at stake, I would certainly do something about it. Sheesh, you are totally blowing this way out of proportion - never did I feel like my daughter was "unsafe" with my mom. My mom was playing around with her in her own way, albeit far from the best way.

But your daughter feels that her safety and well-being is at stake! From your original post:
" I've asked my daughter why she is mean toward my mom, and she gives varying answers.... she says she gets scared that mom and dad aren't there. I asked her if she felt that way with her other grandmom, and she said no."
Why can't you see this?

My daughter also feels that her "safety and well-being" are at stake, when I turn the vacuum cleaner or blow dryer on. That doesn't mean I'm going to remove them from my house because they are unsafe. Seriously, you are acting as if I put my daughter in the care of a pedophile or something. It's my mom, with inappropriate parenting skills, yes, but she wants the best for my daughter and loves her.

So she throws toys at her and hits her? What the hell kind of adult does that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter also feels that her "safety and well-being" are at stake, when I turn the vacuum cleaner or blow dryer on. That doesn't mean I'm going to remove them from my house because they are unsafe. Seriously, you are acting as if I put my daughter in the care of a pedophile or something. It's my mom, with inappropriate parenting skills, yes, but she wants the best for my daughter and loves her.

You see, this is where you're not getting it. Your mother's behavior isn't that of a loving grandmother, it's the behavior of a narcissist throwing a temper tantrum because a toddler isn't catering to her and her wishes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WTF.

Early stages of dementia?

Throws toys back at your DD? Hits back?

Your mother is the problem--and YOU are the problem in your daughter's case for not protecting her. Your mom should never be left alone with your DD.

Why are you so concerned for your mom's feelings versus your daughter's safety and well-being?

Why am I concerned about my mom's feelings? Because she's my mom. And if I ever felt my daughter's safety and well-being was at stake, I would certainly do something about it. Sheesh, you are totally blowing this way out of proportion - never did I feel like my daughter was "unsafe" with my mom. My mom was playing around with her in her own way, albeit far from the best way.

But your daughter feels that her safety and well-being is at stake! From your original post:
" I've asked my daughter why she is mean toward my mom, and she gives varying answers.... she says she gets scared that mom and dad aren't there. I asked her if she felt that way with her other grandmom, and she said no."
Why can't you see this?

My daughter also feels that her "safety and well-being" are at stake, when I turn the vacuum cleaner or blow dryer on. That doesn't mean I'm going to remove them from my house because they are unsafe. Seriously, you are acting as if I put my daughter in the care of a pedophile or something. It's my mom, with inappropriate parenting skills, yes, but she wants the best for my daughter and loves her.

It doesn't matter if it is your MOM - it could be your sister or your aunt or a babysitter or the mailman. If your daughter is having a visceral reaction to this person and this person ONLY, you should not be allowing them together unsupervised!

[Anonymous]

I think your mom's behavior probably reeks of desperation and neediness. It probably feels forced and uncomfortable. Kids can pick up on the fact that any attempt at playing isn't just playing and now she's learned that grandma is not going to react well.

Give your daughter a break. It is inappropriate to expect a child to fulfill an adult's emotional needs. It is inappropriate to project adult feelings and motives on to your child.

Give your mom strategies and ground rules moving forward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Clearly you don't want to hear what we're saying, so I'll try something else to see if it sits better.

Your poor mother. I'm sorry your daughter is such an incorrigible brat to her, as a toddler she really ought to know better than to act like a toddler.

Really?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WTF.

Early stages of dementia?

Throws toys back at your DD? Hits back?

Your mother is the problem--and YOU are the problem in your daughter's case for not protecting her. Your mom should never be left alone with your DD.

Why are you so concerned for your mom's feelings versus your daughter's safety and well-being?

Why am I concerned about my mom's feelings? Because she's my mom. And if I ever felt my daughter's safety and well-being was at stake, I would certainly do something about it. Sheesh, you are totally blowing this way out of proportion - never did I feel like my daughter was "unsafe" with my mom. My mom was playing around with her in her own way, albeit far from the best way.

"Early stages of dementia" should have been enough to trigger you to stop having your mom babysit.

There are plenty of other good reasons, including your mother's feelings, come to that, though your mother's behavior is a far better reason. And, yes, sometimes adults do need to apologize to children. Adults should know better than to behave in certain ways, and your mother clearly doesn't.

I didn't say that you shouldn't care about your Mom's feelings, but your daughter's well-being is more important. Somewhere in there your judgment is clouded. Are you too afraid to deal with the logical consequences of your mother's health condition? To realize what it means for your family? Where's your mama bear on behalf of your DD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter also feels that her "safety and well-being" are at stake, when I turn the vacuum cleaner or blow dryer on. That doesn't mean I'm going to remove them from my house because they are unsafe. Seriously, you are acting as if I put my daughter in the care of a pedophile or something. It's my mom, with inappropriate parenting skills, yes, but she wants the best for my daughter and loves her.

Period, end of sentence at the bolded. She doesn't know how to deal with a toddler anymore, if she ever did. She's bad with kids, as you've already pointed out. There's no "but" here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think your mom's behavior probably reeks of desperation and neediness. It probably feels forced and uncomfortable. Kids can pick up on the fact that any attempt at playing isn't just playing and now she's learned that grandma is not going to react well.

Give your daughter a break. It is inappropriate to expect a child to fulfill an adult's emotional needs. It is inappropriate to project adult feelings and motives on to your child.

Give your mom strategies and ground rules moving forward.

+ a million

[Anonymous]

OP here. Ok, I hear you guys. It seems like everyone is saying it's unsafe to put my daughter in the care of my mom. While I wouldn't necessarily use the word "unsafe", I do agree that it may not be the best solution in terms of my daughter's best interests. In fact, my mom feels the same way and has told me that she thinks it's not good for my daughter to be put under the stressful conditions of being babysat by someone my daughter clearly doesn't like.

I'm expecting my 2nd next week, and my initial plans were to have my mom around to help me out after the baby comes. I guess I'm going to have to figure out something else.