Toddler daughter is mean to my mom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your mother doesn't need a grandchild, she needs a dog.

Poor dog.

[Anonymous]

aunt here. I was just pointing out that I was definitely part of the problem (my nephew would say I was the entire problem)... he's a moody kid and I definitely overwhelmed him with my eagerness to see him and that's what he remembered about me for a few future visits... when I changed by behavior his changed too.

good luck with it.

[Anonymous]

Are you Indian ?

[Anonymous]

Maybe don't have your mom babysit for a while -- don't stop seeing her, but plan things for all three of you instead of having her sit.

This could accomplish a couple things -- 1st, it'll help your daughter stop associating visits to grandma with missing her parents. 2nd, if you're there when your daughter acts out toward your mom, you will be able to address her behavior on the spot. This could help stop things before they escalate to your mom throwing things, and also means your mom won't have to be the disciplinarian -- she can be "good cop" to your "bad cop."

[Anonymous]

Is there a "culture" that condones adults throwing things at children or hitting children? Would you do this as a parent?? What world do you live in that you think this is acceptable?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is there a "culture" that condones adults throwing things at children or hitting children? Would you do this as a parent?? What world do you live in that you think this is acceptable?

Indian. If the child is a girl.

[Anonymous]

Wow, at what point did I ever start "blaming" this on my daughter? Was it when I told her to apologize for hitting my mom and throwing toys at her? I think that's a fair limit/consequence to put on a verbal toddler.

But did you ask your mom to apologize to your daughter for hitting her and throwing toys at her??

Not acceptable in my culture. Nor do I think it would be effective in handling my 70 year old mom's behavior - it would only make her more resentful.

So basically you're going to let your mother treat your daughter terribly, and then tell you daughter she should apologize for it. Glad I'm not part of your culture.

No, I talked to my mom at a different time about how to handle those situations better. I don't think you should handle an elderly woman's behavior exactly the same as you would a 3 year old toddler.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, at what point did I ever start "blaming" this on my daughter? Was it when I told her to apologize for hitting my mom and throwing toys at her? I think that's a fair limit/consequence to put on a verbal toddler.

But did you ask your mom to apologize to your daughter for hitting her and throwing toys at her??

Not acceptable in my culture. Nor do I think it would be effective in handling my 70 year old mom's behavior - it would only make her more resentful.

So basically you're going to let your mother treat your daughter terribly, and then tell you daughter she should apologize for it. Glad I'm not part of your culture.

No, I talked to my mom at a different time about how to handle those situations better. I don't think you should handle an elderly woman's behavior exactly the same as you would a 3 year old toddler.

So what did you say? Did you tell her that you don't react to a toddler as a toddler yourself? That you react as an adult with rational behaviour? Listen, if your daughter is as you say and gets along wonderfully with everyone except your mother, than I think your mother is the problem. Not your daughter!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your daughter isn't being "mean" to your mom, she's being a toddler, with all of the crankiness and fickleness that comes with that. That your mother is unable to appreciate your daughter at her appropriate developmental level and instead expects her to react with the maturity of a child much older is your mother's issues, and reflects her own limitations. That you are going on your mother's trip and also blaming this on your daughter rather than accepting it as a part of toddlerhood and advocating for your child is highlighting your own limitations as a parent. You can't do anything about your mother's issues, but I strongly suggest you work on your own if you don't want to keep passing down this legacy, and/or alienating your daughter as she grows up.

Wow, at what point did I ever start "blaming" this on my daughter? Was it when I told her to apologize for hitting my mom and throwing toys at her? I think that's a fair limit/consequence to put on a verbal toddler.

But did you ask your mom to apologize to your daughter for hitting her and throwing toys at her??

Not acceptable in my culture. Nor do I think it would be effective in handling my 70 year old mom's behavior - it would only make her more resentful.

Not PP, but have you told your mother not to hit your daughter or throw things at her, even if your daughter started it?

Was your mom like this growing up?

I don't remember much from my toddler years, but I do know that she was very hands-off. She didn't really "hit" her for real, she was kind of playing around hitting her back, not in a way that actually hurt. Either way, I realize it wasn't the right way to respond.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you Indian ?

no.

[Anonymous]

WTF.

Early stages of dementia?

Throws toys back at your DD? Hits back?

Your mother is the problem--and YOU are the problem in your daughter's case for not protecting her. Your mom should never be left alone with your DD.

Why are you so concerned for your mom's feelings versus your daughter's safety and well-being?

[Anonymous]

Your thread is entitled "Toddler daughter is mean to my mom". When it is clear that your mom is the one causing the problem in the relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is there a "culture" that condones adults throwing things at children or hitting children? Would you do this as a parent?? What world do you live in that you think this is acceptable?

In actuality, there are many cultures that condone hitting children as a consequence for bad behavior. I completely disagree with any hitting, and I would certainly put a stop to it if anyone laid a hand on my child for real. My mom was just playing around "hitting", like teasing. I don't agree with this behavior either, but I also don't think the way to handle that is to reprimand her in front of my toddler and force my elderly mother to apologize to a toddler.

[Anonymous]

Let the past go. No babysitting and no unsupervised play for these two. They are not at a stage of life (either one) where they can mix unsupervised. That's life. My mom can't babysit my kid either. She just isn't up to it. I don't blame either one of them. We all do things together, but they don't spend time alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:WTF.

Early stages of dementia?

Throws toys back at your DD? Hits back?

Your mother is the problem--and YOU are the problem in your daughter's case for not protecting her. Your mom should never be left alone with your DD.

Why are you so concerned for your mom's feelings versus your daughter's safety and well-being?

Why am I concerned about my mom's feelings? Because she's my mom. And if I ever felt my daughter's safety and well-being was at stake, I would certainly do something about it. Sheesh, you are totally blowing this way out of proportion - never did I feel like my daughter was "unsafe" with my mom. My mom was playing around with her in her own way, albeit far from the best way.