Is a boring, but flexible job good for starting a family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you can try to have the best of both worlds.

In my late 20s, I had a very good and prestigious job. It had a lot of growth potential and I was on track to be promoted. That job path meant a lot of travel and long hours though. And a lot of ass-in-chair time. Limited flexibility. I left pro-actively to find something more family friendly. I went to an overall more family-oriented organization and took a slight demotion to get into this organization. It was an ego deflating move at the time. But I thought my long-term prospects there would be good, even though the job I took wasn't great. I then started trying to have kids. I was bored in my job and felt very unchallenged, pretty much from the get go. I also felt very behind compared to my peers. I ended up spending about 4 years in this dud job and it wasn't great. But I did a good job, networked, and made a good name for myself in the organization. I let a few promotion opportunities go by because it wasn't going to be the right fit in terms of maintaining my work-life balance. When my first child was about 1, I got an opportunity to take a promotion that really met my requirements and I ran with it. I busted ass to prove myself for about a year at that job and now I have a job I'm really very happy with in a flexible, family-oriented organization. And I put off having my second for a bit longer to establish myself in the new job. Now I have two and I really feel like I have hit the jackpot on all fronts. Am I the most successful person on the planet? No. But I have a good job with real challenges and real responsibilities and my kids are still able to be my top priority.

What is my point - do not just give up and think you have to stay at the dud job forever. I think that is soul sucking, personally. Your kids will grow up so fast and if you are going to work every day, there has to be something in it for you too. Just my 2 cents. You are young. You have time to have kids AND get on a more rewarding career track. I would try to focus on putting yourself in a better position to make slow and steady advancements, whatever that looks like for you. Be strategic and recognize there will be some sacrifices along the way - both professionally and personally. But I think you can try to get to a place where you're happy on all fronts.

Agree with this. Always keep your cv updated and your eyes peeled.

For me I got off the crazy track for a nice secure job, that is family friendly. Coworkers are a mix of backgrounder and education, brands, etc.mnow my husband is at a startup and I don't dare leave because who know how long his situation will or will not last. Point is, start approaching these decisions as a team and family and you'll be happier. It may also be clearer what is best for all.

[Anonymous]

Flexibility is very very helpful for at least one parent. But I would have found it extremely hard to leave my sweet baby and toddler with a nanny and then day care if I did not think that I was contributing to something meaningful and interesting at work. Sometimes you can find non boring and flexible in the same package, do it doesn't hurt to keep your eyes open.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a tougher question that PPs are letting on, but the thing is that you won't know whether it's best for you until after you have kids...

I am in the same position - great Fed job with lots of flexibility and a wonderful boss, but the work is boring and not challenging. When it was time for me to start a family, I decided to stay put because I knew my job would be great for being a mom. It has been, in every way. But I am still bored and looking for new challenges. Now that I pay through the nose for childcare, it is really important to me that the hours I am away from my kids add up to something. So I am looking to expand my career. But friends in the same position feel as your mother does - that they don't care about their careers now that they have kids and are grateful for the flexible job.

Short answer - stay where you are and see how you feel after you have a baby.

I strongly agree with this. I thought after I had kids, my career wouldn't matter so much, but I actually find it more frustrating to be in a job that bores me. However, I am loathe to give it up and go after something more because it is so great to have the flexibility. I think you won't know for sure until you have kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a tougher question that PPs are letting on, but the thing is that you won't know whether it's best for you until after you have kids...

I am in the same position - great Fed job with lots of flexibility and a wonderful boss, but the work is boring and not challenging. When it was time for me to start a family, I decided to stay put because I knew my job would be great for being a mom. It has been, in every way. But I am still bored and looking for new challenges. Now that I pay through the nose for childcare, it is really important to me that the hours I am away from my kids add up to something. So I am looking to expand my career. But friends in the same position feel as your mother does - that they don't care about their careers now that they have kids and are grateful for the flexible job.

Short answer - stay where you are and see how you feel after you have a baby.

I strongly agree with this. I thought after I had kids, my career wouldn't matter so much, but I actually find it more frustrating to be in a job that bores me. However, I am loathe to give it up and go after something more because it is so great to have the flexibility. I think you won't know for sure until you have kids.

OP here -- This is a great point too. I'm somewhat worried I will resent my boring job for taking me away from my kids, even if I am working at home. The good news is we have family that will help with childcare part time, but we'll still probably need a nanny or daycare for part of the week. I hate the idea of going to a job I don't love just to hand that $ over to someone else to watch my child.

I like the ideas about always keeping my résumé out there and looking for opportunities. Hopefully having kids will help me somewhat separate my identity from my job though, because I feel like graduating during a crummy economy has somewhat taken it's toll on my confidence in the professional arena. Will be keeping my eyes open for a new job that maybe offers a mix of some flexibility (even if not the extent I have now) with a little more responsibility.

[Anonymous]

You are fortunate to even have a federal job as an attorney with flexibility, even if it is boring for you right now. Those federal jobs are not easy to come by...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a tougher question that PPs are letting on, but the thing is that you won't know whether it's best for you until after you have kids...

I am in the same position - great Fed job with lots of flexibility and a wonderful boss, but the work is boring and not challenging. When it was time for me to start a family, I decided to stay put because I knew my job would be great for being a mom. It has been, in every way. But I am still bored and looking for new challenges. Now that I pay through the nose for childcare, it is really important to me that the hours I am away from my kids add up to something. So I am looking to expand my career. But friends in the same position feel as your mother does - that they don't care about their careers now that they have kids and are grateful for the flexible job.

Short answer - stay where you are and see how you feel after you have a baby.

I strongly agree with this. I thought after I had kids, my career wouldn't matter so much, but I actually find it more frustrating to be in a job that bores me. However, I am loathe to give it up and go after something more because it is so great to have the flexibility. I think you won't know for sure until you have kids.

OP here -- This is a great point too. I'm somewhat worried I will resent my boring job for taking me away from my kids, even if I am working at home. The good news is we have family that will help with childcare part time, but we'll still probably need a nanny or daycare for part of the week. I hate the idea of going to a job I don't love just to hand that $ over to someone else to watch my child.

I like the ideas about always keeping my résumé out there and looking for opportunities. Hopefully having kids will help me somewhat separate my identity from my job though, because I feel like graduating during a crummy economy has somewhat taken it's toll on my confidence in the professional arena. Will be keeping my eyes open for a new job that maybe offers a mix of some flexibility (even if not the extent I have now) with a little more responsibility.

I'm kind of in this scenario. I was financially able to negotiate down to part time because the job is really more part time than full time anyway- but its still very boring and well below my skill/ ability level. But I kind of am looking at this for the long haul. I have to keep something on my resume after a couple years gap for living abroad and going to graduate school. I hand over most of what I make to daycare (have to pay full time slot to stay- but I love it there so its worth it)- but what I am really doing is keeping my resume looking current so I can find something I really want down the road.

Sometimes we have to play the long game when thinking about career and family etc- a little give now a little take later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Flexibility is very very helpful for at least one parent. But I would have found it extremely hard to leave my sweet baby and toddler with a nanny and then day care if I did not think that I was contributing to something meaningful and interesting at work. Sometimes you can find non boring and flexible in the same package, do it doesn't hurt to keep your eyes open.

I'm the one in the family with the crazy flexible job - 100% telecommute, and as long as I meet deadlines, I can work whenever. For the first year and a half it was IDEAL.

However, it's an absolutely boring, no brainer job. Occasionally I'll get something interesting, but for the most part, I could probably do my job drunk and have all be well (not that I would, but as an indicator of the brainpower I need). It's starting to get to me. The salary is useful, and the benefits are great, but knowing that I"m leaving my kids just to "have a job" is really starting to wear me down. I think I'll keep the job through the holidays specifically for the flexibility, but come January, I'm actually going to look for a less flexible job that's interesting, or seriously consider being a SAHM. What I'm doing now is just hanging out on a hamster wheel. NOT what I busted my a$$ through grad school to do, and not worth missing my kids for.


Just another side of the argument. Maybe if I worked at an office with the same job or if I had the 100% telecommute with a more interesting job it would be different. Bottom line, my advice is that before you get a boring job "for the good of the FAMILY", make sure you're not going to drive yourself crazy in the process!

[Anonymous]

Wow pp, you hit the nail on the head about feeling like a hamster. But then another poster mentioned how these flexible gov. attorney jobs are not easy to get and I feel somewhat guilty for complaining. I have recent grads contacting me all the time asking how to get a job here, so I must seem somewhat ungrateful.

Part of me wonders if the truth is most people don't like their jobs (that's why it's called work!) and that having intellectually fulfilling work is just a luxury. After all, the world wouldn't have janitors if we all "did what we love."

[Anonymous]

Depends who you are. I mean, in reverse, is a inflexible, engaging, wildly demanding job great for starting a family? It depends how career driven you are and whether your priorities will change post kids. I have friends who hated being at home, went whole hog on the job front (I am also an attorney like all of us here in DC), and are partners and have au pairs and are wealthy and happy. I have friends struggling to do their even boring and flexible jobs (me, at a mid sized firm at 80% and probably going to be let go soon). It also depends on myriad factors, like how involved your spouse is, etc., etc. etc. I think stability is good, especially for kids. Most moms I know really did the bare minimum at work for a while post kids. It is a tough balancing act, even with the most flexible job ever.

And the gov jobs are hard to get, and not all are even flexible. My husband is a trial lawyer and works more hours than most partners at my firm. My friend at an agency has to clock in and out and for lunch. Its different across the board. Moreover, as someone mentioned upthread, it is necessary post baby to lean on your reputation for good work and your stored goodwill. You don't have that at a new place. I didn't even have it after my second maternity leave!

At bottom, my answer would be -- absolutely not if you are Marissa Miller or other women I know who are very ambitious and truly comfortable with extended help and child care. But if that's not you, get comfortable with that and appreciate your current situation.

[Anonymous]

I'm curious, what kind of positions are you considering OP? Are you thinking of trying to go big law now? In house? Stay fed but go to a more demanding position?

I'm the 31 year old pp with a 6 month old and I'm also a lawyer. I would not try to go to a law firm and get pregnant at the same time if that's what you're considering. FWIW, I graduated from a tier 1 school in '07 and I can't think of many classmates who are still at firms and happy about it.

If you're thinking about staying fed, what about a 6 month detail?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm curious, what kind of positions are you considering OP? Are you thinking of trying to go big law now? In house? Stay fed but go to a more demanding position?

I'm the 31 year old pp with a 6 month old and I'm also a lawyer. I would not try to go to a law firm and get pregnant at the same time if that's what you're considering. FWIW, I graduated from a tier 1 school in '07 and I can't think of many classmates who are still at firms and happy about it.

If you're thinking about staying fed, what about a 6 month detail?

No, do NOT go to a big law firm, OP. I know so many moms who are big law firm refugees. Arranging for care for 60 hours a week if you also have a spouse with a demanding job is demoralizing and can make you feel guilty and bad constantly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a tougher question that PPs are letting on, but the thing is that you won't know whether it's best for you until after you have kids...

I am in the same position - great Fed job with lots of flexibility and a wonderful boss, but the work is boring and not challenging. When it was time for me to start a family, I decided to stay put because I knew my job would be great for being a mom. It has been, in every way. But I am still bored and looking for new challenges. Now that I pay through the nose for childcare, it is really important to me that the hours I am away from my kids add up to something. So I am looking to expand my career. But friends in the same position feel as your mother does - that they don't care about their careers now that they have kids and are grateful for the flexible job.

Short answer - stay where you are and see how you feel after you have a baby.

+1 to all of this. I have 2 kids, ages 6 and 3. Having the first (who was born when I was 30) was like having a bomb go off in the middle of my life....but in a good way! What I mean is that, I LOVE being a mom, it has added more to my life than I ever dreamed it would, but it also turned EVERYTHING upside down. I have friends who were hard-driving career women who now SAH. I have friends who thought they'd SAH but found they really needed to work to be fulfilled. As the PP said, you just can't predict how it will go until you're in it.

I returned to school after having my first and had my second while in grad school (DO NOT recommend this, btw), and have made career advances since having my kids, but all along, I've had some job flexibility (and worked PT for the most part) and it has been key to having our family function. Being able to work from home would be amazing.

I think the lean in/lean out questions become clearer as you and your kid(s) get a little bit older. For the very intense readjustment periods of pregnancy and infancy I'd also say, stay where you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm curious, what kind of positions are you considering OP? Are you thinking of trying to go big law now? In house? Stay fed but go to a more demanding position?

I'm the 31 year old pp with a 6 month old and I'm also a lawyer. I would not try to go to a law firm and get pregnant at the same time if that's what you're considering. FWIW, I graduated from a tier 1 school in '07 and I can't think of many classmates who are still at firms and happy about it.

If you're thinking about staying fed, what about a 6 month detail?

Ideally, I'd love to find another fed gov job doing something related to employment law, but am pretty flexible. Mostly I'd like to be getting experience in a broader area of law that can translate into other positions. I did a detail for a while at my agency and loved it, but the full time hiring money never came through. I also know of some prosecutor (state level, not DOJ) positions opening up -- BUT local gov jobs tend to pay less and I think the hours are more suited to someone just out of law school and eager to gain court experience, not someone who needs to rush to daycare. I definitely don't want to do big law and honestly, big law hasn't shown much interest in me haha.

I also play around with the idea of just leaving law all together. I have a mass media/PR background from college and always envisioned myself doing something more creative. Unfortunately, a new industry would mean starting at the bottom.

DH is super supportive of me eventually getting to do something I'm more passionate about. Maybe if his career takes off enough, we'll have the financial freedom for me to take a pay cut and start a new career. For right now though I will try to embrace the perks of my job and focus on family.

Wow there are a lot of us attorneys on this board

[Anonymous]

I think the bottom line is that, if tou stay where you are, have a kid or two and want to do something different, you can always find a more demandin job. OTOH, if you move to a more demanding job, have a kid or two, and realize that you want flexibility more than fulfillment, you may NEVER find another job that offers that again, because there are so many people who would clamor for your job.

I would stick with the choice that is reversible, because having kids changes how you feel about everything in unpredictable ways

[Anonymous]

I think it depends on what your other options are, just how 'boring' your job is, and your personal goals - but I will tell you, I've happily stuck with a less than ideal job because it's so family friendly and it's absolutely been the best decision for us for all the reasons you mention. (Job is interesting, but pay stinks).

You might consider whether there are other flexible jobs out there in your field that are a better fit though. I feel like in most positions there's a period where you have to prove yourself before getting PT/telework options, in which case this might actually be a good time for you to make the switch.