I keep wishing MIL was someone else

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I plan to make an effort with my DIL and grandchildren, to be warm and welcoming - not just saying I "support" them, but actually showing it. And not just doing something once a year for bragging rights to my bridge club cronies. That will be progress from the true colors my MIL showed me.

Yes, and you DIL may very well interpret your actions as intrusive and smothering.

Huh? For making an honest, consistent effort that is not contradicted by other actions? Ladies, this is what I mean (PP) by a hostile MIL. Anyone who looks for fault is not someone you want to rub elbows with.

Oh, honey, you have so much to learn.

Okay, schnookems. You sound like MIL of the year!!! Which means you must have been one helluva mother, too.

I see you hate young women, just like my MIL. Telling, indeed. Thanks for the insight.

Hate? Who's hating?

[Anonymous]

"Cad" is an adjective used to describe the unscrupulous male of the species.

Anyways OP, chin up, cause if your MIL was someone else, your DH would be someone else too!

[Anonymous]

OP here. I guess I bring it up because ex's mum was a city gal, very fun, very active and accomplished, and we related more. She had a big heart, was inclusive and warm, and was a great conversationalist. She had some fascinating stories about her day.

MIL is about the same age, but has always acted older, decrepit, helpless, fragile, and as if anything she does accomplish is the parting of the seas. We try to humor her, but she finds such little joy in life. Not being a professional, it is hard to be around. It is becoming difficult for the children, too. She is not a pleasant person, as if life really, really wronged her. It is all about her. We do our best around her, and walk on eggshells, that is all we can do.

I only thought to compare for purposes of this post; but I definitely miss my ex's mum sometimes.

This post is for people who have noticed a huge difference in personalities of those who have mothered their partners. But if MILs wish to start their own thread, feel free to do so. I would hate to think that the MIL I mention is trying to hijack my thread. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Cad" is an adjective used to describe the unscrupulous male of the species.

Anyways OP, chin up, cause if your MIL was someone else, your DH would be someone else too!

Great point

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I guess I bring it up because ex's mum was a city gal, very fun, very active and accomplished, and we related more. She had a big heart, was inclusive and warm, and was a great conversationalist. She had some fascinating stories about her day.

MIL is about the same age, but has always acted older, decrepit, helpless, fragile, and as if anything she does accomplish is the parting of the seas. We try to humor her, but she finds such little joy in life. Not being a professional, it is hard to be around. It is becoming difficult for the children, too. She is not a pleasant person, as if life really, really wronged her. It is all about her. We do our best around her, and walk on eggshells, that is all we can do.

I only thought to compare for purposes of this post; but I definitely miss my ex's mum sometimes.

This post is for people who have noticed a huge difference in personalities of those who have mothered their partners. But if MILs wish to start their own thread, feel free to do so. I would hate to think that the MIL I mention is trying to hijack my thread. Thanks.

Was your ex's mum British too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I plan to make an effort with my DIL and grandchildren, to be warm and welcoming - not just saying I "support" them, but actually showing it. And not just doing something once a year for bragging rights to my bridge club cronies. That will be progress from the true colors my MIL showed me.

Yes, and you DIL may very well interpret your actions as intrusive and smothering.

Huh? For making an honest, consistent effort that is not contradicted by other actions? Ladies, this is what I mean (PP) by a hostile MIL. Anyone who looks for fault is not someone you want to rub elbows with.

+1. Your DIL might be very independent and your efforts may not be welcome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your mil most likely feels the same way about you...

I know mine does. She's shaken her crooked finger in my face on two different occasions. The second time she told us that she was NEVER coming back. And she hasn't

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your mil most likely feels the same way about you...

I know mine does. She's shaken her crooked finger in my face on two different occasions. The second time she told us that she was NEVER coming back. And she hasn't

How, oh how, do I get that to happen??!!

And why does someone so rotten really believe she is in the right? Because she's old? Really?

[Anonymous]

My MIL is a nice person and tries to be supportive/not intrusive but I still can't wait until we move and don't have to deal with her and FIL. What MILs don't understand is we DILs want to make our own home with their sons. You had your time with him when he was in your home, now let us have ours!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL is a nice person and tries to be supportive/not intrusive but I still can't wait until we move and don't have to deal with her and FIL. What MILs don't understand is we DILs want to make our own home with their sons. You had your time with him when he was in your home, now let us have ours!

How very immature. Do you really think your spouse should cut out his family just because you are married? Are you that insecure? The human heart (at least for most of us, not sure about you) has an infinite capacity to love. I am not a mil and have many, many years to go, but I can't help but wonder if many of the mil problems are actually insecure and controlling DILs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL is a nice person and tries to be supportive/not intrusive but I still can't wait until we move and don't have to deal with her and FIL. What MILs don't understand is we DILs want to make our own home with their sons. You had your time with him when he was in your home, now let us have ours!

How very immature. Do you really think your spouse should cut out his family just because you are married? Are you that insecure? The human heart (at least for most of us, not sure about you) has an infinite capacity to love. I am not a mil and have many, many years to go, but I can't help but wonder if many of the mil problems are actually insecure and controlling DILs.

Haha! I knew all the moms of sons would have a fit!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL is a nice person and tries to be supportive/not intrusive but I still can't wait until we move and don't have to deal with her and FIL. What MILs don't understand is we DILs want to make our own home with their sons. You had your time with him when he was in your home, now let us have ours!

How very immature. Do you really think your spouse should cut out his family just because you are married? Are you that insecure? The human heart (at least for most of us, not sure about you) has an infinite capacity to love. I am not a mil and have many, many years to go, but I can't help but wonder if many of the mil problems are actually insecure and controlling DILs.

Haha! I knew all the moms of sons would have a fit!

I never tried to put a wedge between my DH and his mom, even though I didn't care for her as a person. She loved hom first (and he in return her). She raised no matter ho imperfectly to be the person I chose to marry and he in turn chose me. She was no threat to me or my relationship to DH. I think those try to put wedges between their spies and his mom are probably very insecure in themselves and their own relationships. I hope my DD is mature enough not to do this someday to the man she marries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL is a nice person and tries to be supportive/not intrusive but I still can't wait until we move and don't have to deal with her and FIL. What MILs don't understand is we DILs want to make our own home with their sons. You had your time with him when he was in your home, now let us have ours!

How very immature. Do you really think your spouse should cut out his family just because you are married? Are you that insecure? The human heart (at least for most of us, not sure about you) has an infinite capacity to love. I am not a mil and have many, many years to go, but I can't help but wonder if many of the mil problems are actually insecure and controlling DILs.

Haha! I knew all the moms of sons would have a fit!

. You sound really young and insecure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL is a nice person and tries to be supportive/not intrusive but I still can't wait until we move and don't have to deal with her and FIL. What MILs don't understand is we DILs want to make our own home with their sons. You had your time with him when he was in your home, now let us have ours!

How very immature. Do you really think your spouse should cut out his family just because you are married? Are you that insecure? The human heart (at least for most of us, not sure about you) has an infinite capacity to love. I am not a mil and have many, many years to go, but I can't help but wonder if many of the mil problems are actually insecure and controlling DILs.

Haha! I knew all the moms of sons would have a fit!

Wah! Wah! I don't want to share. It's (he's) mine! I don't want to share and you can't make me!

Geez, lady. You sound like a three year old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL is a nice person and tries to be supportive/not intrusive but I still can't wait until we move and don't have to deal with her and FIL. What MILs don't understand is we DILs want to make our own home with their sons. You had your time with him when he was in your home, now let us have ours!

How very immature. Do you really think your spouse should cut out his family just because you are married? Are you that insecure? The human heart (at least for most of us, not sure about you) has an infinite capacity to love. I am not a mil and have many, many years to go, but I can't help but wonder if many of the mil problems are actually insecure and controlling DILs.

Haha! I knew all the moms of sons would have a fit!

Wah! Wah! I don't want to share. It's (he's) mine! I don't want to share and you can't make me!

Geez, lady. You sound like a three year old.

Just keeping it real. Your future DIl may not tell you this to your face but she'll want it nevertheless.