Teasing vs. getting physical

[Anonymous]

It's very telling that you refer to this as a "touchy feely" mediation session. You definitely convey a message that feelings are unimportant, that hurting feelings doesn't matter and that emotions are, well, second class.

Good luck OP! Your twin sons are bullies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, your kids are the bullies. They are starting it and the other kid is finishing it. And for what its worth, since your kids are starting it, I think the other kid is justified to stand up and not take the abuse, even if that mean hitting.

OP here..I think that is essentially the other mother's position and I think she is wrong. My child COULD NOT BREATHE. He has been squeezed many, many times and the other kid will not let up. he has had his face pushed and held in the snow. The other kid has an anger problem. The other kid is also aDhd.

My kids aren't angry kids. They are nice kids. They never physically attack anyone. One is a ham; a class clown. he is not mean. he is quick witted and funny. So what if he teases. He should not be physically abused because he teases. If the other kid doesn't want to play with him, walk away.

OP, I'll be honest. At this point, I kind of want to push your face into the snow.

[Anonymous]

OP here...DCUM is so weird...Why do you all think the answer to everything is - go see a counselor; go to mediation; etc etc.

Why can't people solve their own (truly simple actually) problems without talking ad nauseam to some overpriced "expert."

[Anonymous]

The OP has repeatedly admitted her children tease, but refuses to acknowledge that teasing is very harmful.

Which is especially interesting because OP seems to be very upset about what a group of anonymous people are saying about her little monsters (who lets face it are neither witty nor funny) and her piss poor performance as a mother and a role model.

I don't know what OP wants in this situation. She just needs to tell her "witty" "kind" children to no tease or insult someone who can kick their asses. Rather simple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here...DCUM is so weird...Why do you all think the answer to everything is - go see a counselor; go to mediation; etc etc.

Why can't people solve their own (truly simple actually) problems without talking ad nauseam to some overpriced "expert."

It seems the other boy agrees with you, which is why he is beating the crap out of your son instead of sharing his feelings with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here...DCUM is so weird...Why do you all think the answer to everything is - go see a counselor; go to mediation; etc etc.

Why can't people solve their own (truly simple actually) problems without talking ad nauseam to some overpriced "expert."

Hmm. . . seems like that's exactly what's happening on the playground!! Kid bigger and tougher than yours is solving his own problem. Your kids won't shut up so he's shutting them up!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here..I also think the other kid (the "bully" for lack of a better term) has an anger issue; he blows up at the smallest thing. Once at a playdate, he got furious when my kids referred to him by his full name...not name calling, more just calling him his longer name..and he grabbed them and he got so incredibly made (huffing and puffing) that he needed to go home. I was like, really? My kids are very popular in school; they are very smart; I think they have high social E.Q. I think gentle joking is okay. To react violently when my kids are just joking around is not okay. (My kids are not saying super mean things; just jokey things. honestly. )

If this is all true, then why are your kids friends with the "bully" with anger issues, who has a low IQ. And, don't lump ADHD and anger together. I have twins with ADHD and neither one of them are angry and they are "very popular" and "very smart". I think part of the problem is you.

[Anonymous]

OP - have you ever wondered why after so many 'can't breath' incidents your high social IQ (EQ?) son(s) continue to 'tease' the 'bully' with anger issues (and ADHD?) and routinely gets sent to principal's office?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My small 7 year old came home from school yesterday in tears. At recess, a friend of his squeezed him around his body for a long time and he couldn't breathe and got scared. The friend also squeezed his head/neck and hurt his ears. My son's twin witnessed this. So did some other kids but no one called the playground monitor. This has happened many times over the past two years. The "friend" is a very physical boys. He is very grabby and huggy and strong (he plays hockey). This drives me crazy. My children are small for their age. My kids always keep their hands to themselves but they do tend to tease other kids. My kids have also had their faces pushed into the snow to the point they can't breathe.

I wrote a note to the principal and the other parent. As expected, the other parent was defensive and said she would talk to her child, but that her child was upset too because my twins tease him and they won't stop and there are two of them and they gang up on him with the teasing and "then he gets physical. This is not to excuse his behavior; just to explain it." There is another big boy who also grabs and hurts my kids. The big boy is friends with her son. Her son and the big boy are often sent to the office. One of my twins has never been to the office. My other twin has been sent for being a class clown, never for hurting anyone.

I think her point is BS. I wrote back and said, I have told my kids not to tease, BUT in my opinion, it is much, much worse to physically assault another child, esp. to the point where they are scared and can't breathe. If you are being teased, you can walk away. If you are being held in a vice grip, you are stuck.

What do you all think?

by the way, I have had her son over for many playdates and he gets upset easily. I think he has ADHD/anger problem. My twins are pretty easygoing. They don't have anger issues. They do tease but they are not mean and never ever hurt anyone physically.

Oh sweetheart, your twins have issues. They mean to hurt the other children with their words. Unless you correct their behavior, instead of defending it, they are going to grow up to be small, petty men.

[Anonymous]

OP says her sons are smart, but not apparently not smart enough to know when to shut-up and when to run.

[Anonymous]

OP you wanna be proactive I suggest you enroll your twins in kickboxing or something because they're tag-team-teasing is going to result in more than a few physical altercations with more than just this one kid. FYI - smart ass little punks don't get insulted in retaliation they get punched in the mouth and deservedly so.

[Anonymous]

Here is some information on bullying. Your children are bullying, and the other kid is bullying. This needs to be addressed and solutions need to be found.

Types of bullying are identified and described:
-Physical
-Verbal
-Relational
-Cyberbullying

SR & R Definition:
“Bullying is physical or psychological harassment on the
part of one or more students toward another, including
electronic communication.”
FCPS Training Definition:
“Bullying is when a person or group of people repeatedly
uses words or actions to intentionally cause physical or
emotional harm to another person.”

Forestville’s Student Response
If you see a Bully, be STARS!
1. STOP
2. TALK
3. AWAY
4. REPORT
5. SUPPORT

Here is more information. This is where my kids go to school, and they take bullying seriously whether verbal or physical.

http://www.fcps.edu/ForestvilleES/2012-13_Events/Forestville%20Parent%20PPT%20revised%20%20July%202012.pdf

[Anonymous]

OP- your position will be very much like a school's position---no hitting, not even if you are at the end of your rope/frustrated, not even if it is to defend yourself, not even to put an end to bad behavior on the part of another kid.

The kid who hit will be in more trouble than your kids. End of story. I am also sorry to hear that your son was frightened. I mean that- it was wrong and the playground monitor should have been called.

I just can't get past the other mother's statement that your boys tease this kid, there are two of them, and they don't stop when he asks. That is not high social IQ (or whatever). That's not "getting it" or worse, getting it and maliciously continuing.

I've actually told my own son (also in second, and also with a mouth on him) that he should watch it- some kids haven't learned great self control yet and if starts winding them up, they may ring his bell. I told him that of course to would be wrong- but he may get less sympathy from me if it was a situation that he aggravated.

[Anonymous]

Please just call the school and talk about appropriate supervision.

[Anonymous]

OP, don't get mired down in the details about who's more at fault. You'll never problem solve that way.