My husband can't keep a job

[Anonymous]

Why is it "obvious" it's DH's doing? And why don't you get off your dead rear and, off the computer, and get a job?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Funny part is if their DH went out and got a job they actually liked but payed way less the DW would still be pissin' and moanin'. Money, the root of all evils.

Money is the root of all evil, but life ain't free. The mortgage company could care less about a person finding themself.

[Anonymous]

Why the hatred on this thread?

[Anonymous]

Why is it "obvious" it's DH's doing? And why don't you get off your dead rear and, off the computer, and get a job?

OP has a job.

[Anonymous]

OP, I can commiserate a little. DH was steadily employed for many years and then his industry started to transform immensely. After one layoff, he got another job quickly--and that was clearly not working out 6 months in so he started looking but he was more or less warned that he would be laid off (or contract not renewed). He got the second job, was very excited about a new type of work and new, corporate atmosphere--and within 6 months it all went to hell. He really didn't understand what was going on, but he never really knew what he was supposed to do, there were a lot of politics, he is pretty unpolished for a corporate atmosphere-all around bad fit. He got fired, but was already on the job hunt so got a third job within weeks--however here he was warned by others not to take it since his boss was all around crazy and the job had huge turnover. But it was something pretty familiar to him, he knew he could do the job really well--and it was a nightmare and within 6 months his performance was being documented, they were setting him up for getting fired.

At this point, I really started to doubt him and get freaked out (we had baby #2 on the way--I had wanted to wait, but am older so we couldn't). But I also recognized that his many traits that annoyed me at home were probably hampering him at work: serious disorganization, inability to read nuance, accustomed to being blunt, problems listening/hearing, particularly if couched in metaphoric terms or less than really direct terms. He both got screened for adult ADHD (bingo) and got some career counseling/coaching privately.

Right before he was terminated from Job #3, and as he was taking the above steps, he applied for a new job in a new, but related field. Got the job (he does charm at the interviews)..... LOVES it, they love him, have promoted/given him raises and he's making MORE than he did in his past three jobs. More than I do, in fact, and I've been at the same place with a phD for 12 years. He's not only learned a lot about himself and his issues in the workplace, but also was just lucky to find the right fit--both in terms of the job itself and in terms of the culture of the institution. He's in his 3rd year and all is going well and he really has learned so much about how to communicate, how to evaluate his role in supporting his team, etc--none of this was at all on the radar earlier since he never had to develop these skills earlier.

anyway, i just report my story because a couple of years ago I felt as you did--loved my DH, but SO frustrated, felt like he was the common denominator, freaked out about what the turnover would mean for future jobs, etc. It was a dark time for us both, but we got out. I wish you and your DH the best of luck. I highly recommend some form of career coaching/counseling/exeutive training, depending on his role.

[Anonymous]

Adult ADHD. Seriously. Get him screened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are we married to the same guy? Except mine quits first. Becoming increasingly obvious he has no interest or intention in working. ...

(Maybe this belongs in Relationships.....)

What inspires you to choose a guy like this? Certainly you saw the many red flags that people who are consistently unable to keep jobs show before they marry, right?

Right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. Ugh, sad to see it looks like a lot of you describe this person as your EX. I dont' want to leave my marriage over this, but it is incredibly stressful and belies certain flaws my DH must possess.

This time they told him it was job performance but of course according to him, his boss just never liked him. And before that it was downsizing, I don't even remember before that. It's always someone else's fault.

Why did you marry him? Let me guess, you procreated with him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mine too, OP. He got fired when I was 5 months pregnant with DC #2, and it took him a year to find another position. Two years after getting that job, he just got laid off again. He's a government contractor so it really could be the shitty economy/government cutbacks, but I do sometimes wonder if it's him. Sad.

I *really* want to go part-time at my job now that my oldest is in elementary, and I think my boss would be open to me doing an 80% schedule, but I just can't take the paycut now. Makes me really upset when I see that my friends are able to pick up their kids at 3pm and take them to afternoon activities, and I don't know that I'll ever be able to swing that.

Cry me a god damn river. Time to put on your big girl pants. BTW, way to pick 'em.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
And it doesn't mean that your glaring immaturity and sense of entitlement can't be pointed out when you decide to vent on a public forum, either. Just one more thing that sucks, I guess. You clearly deserve much better.

Actually she doesn't, you were right the first time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Leave him OP. I've experienced a marriage with an unreliable partner, and now one with a reliable partner. I should have left the first one sooner.

If you have your shit together, you should not accept any less from your partner. Find someone on your level.

Those worthless deadbeat husbands ARE on their level. They are with who they deserve to be with.

This kind of shit doesn't happen on accident.

[Anonymous]

Is this one insanely mean poster or can there actually be two people this remarkably mean? Is hurting people your hobby? Sick.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry, OP.

I'm just waiting for DH to be fired, as usual. In the public sector it takes a few years, in the private sector he lasted just a few months.
I KNOW he has ADHD (our son has ADHD and he has the same symptoms!), but he is not interested in seeking treatment.
The issue is partly that he's not working hard enough, partly that he has trouble multitasking. I get the multitasking, but not working enough? He could, and should, make a little effort here. Work a little bit from home, show a little more interest in his work. Nothing too daunting. But he's Mr. Procrastination and only works under pressure. So after a while his bosses get tired of egging him on.

It's amazing how other people complain their spouse is working too hard, and how I wish DH could work harder and actually hold down a job. His IQ is in the gifted range too. What a waste of talent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this one insanely mean poster or can there actually be two people this remarkably mean? Is hurting people your hobby? Sick.

Yes, there seems to be a drunken troll around here tonight. Ignore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Funny part is if their DH went out and got a job they actually liked but payed way less the DW would still be pissin' and moanin'. Money, the root of all evils.

Often misquoted and misunderstood, but in fact, the biblical proverb is that the love of money is the root of all evil.