Talking to DD about healthy eating/weight gain without causing body image issues

[Anonymous]

I like being pretty and skinny.

[Anonymous]

This as a health issue, not a beauty issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I like being pretty and skinny.

I like being healthy, regardless of my weight. But my mother is like you. It is not actually making her happy, but she's in her 80s and she's not going to change, poor thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of any mental illness. I have seen the daughters of a close friend go through this and it is devastating and has lifelong implications. You should be more concerned about that than weight. I remember once talking to another mom who told me she was concerned because her DD was becoming fat. I warned her to be careful about how she spoke to her about her weight, because she was clearly exercised about it. To no avail. Two years later the girl developed anorexia and was almost hospitalized. It was a classic example of cause and effect.

I agree with the posts that say you should not make it about how she looks. She knows how she looks. Our culture makes it loud and clear when a girl is overweight. So talking about her appearance adds nothing except shame. Rather you need to provide structure in terms of exercise and healthy eating and talk in terms of health.

OP, get some professional advice. These are treacherous waters.

I'm the Frenchwoman (and a research biologist) who posted before. I disagree with the above post.
Sufferers from eating disorders are mentally ill and need a genetic predisposition linked to control issues. My cousin nearly died from one. Others in my family are concerned about their appearance, but will never develop an eating disorder because they are not genetically predisposed for it. They just watch what they eat and go to the gym, and are normal healthy adults.

My point is, there are far more health risks associated with not telling someone they need to lose weight than with telling someone they need to lose weight, since practically anyone can become obese, but only a minority can become anorexic or bulimic. I agree that once such a disorder develops, the risk of death and suffering drastically increases. However from a statistical public health perspective, your child will have a better outcome if you communicate openly with him or her.

Which seems obvious to me on a different level: isn't it in your own family that you would expect complete trust and honest opinions?

So . . . everyone should assume they don't have a genetic predisposition? Because I have two cousins who have been hospitalized with anorexia -- clearly a genetic predisposition -- yet no one in the family had previously had an eating disorder. I know several girls who have had eating disorders but no one else in their family has.

You may argue that there are more health risks with being over weight and maybe thats true (certainly over the course of a life, but I question if thats true for your first 20 years). But there are not more risks with not being told you are fat. Come on, you call yourself a scientist? I don't remember ever seeing that "not telling someone they are overweight" is a health risk.

And if the risk is being overweight, then the question is what is the best way to get teens to lose weight. I've seen nothing that indicates "telling them" is at all effective and I have seen studies that its counter-effective. Again, you're a scientist?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree, do NOT talk about weight loss. Anyway at that age kids can plump up in the belly and then shoot up in height. One of my nieces who basically looks like she has an eating disorder (but doesn't) had a belly last summer at 12 which burned off again this year as she continued to grow.

I weighed the same at age 10 as I did at age 18. I looked A LOT better at 18 though once I had gained the height. The best thing you can do is focus on healthy eating and healthy habits that she can carry into her teen and early adult years.

[Anonymous]

I would agree with posters who say you control what comes into your home so as summer ends and a school year begins, it is the perfect time to just decide to discard summer junk fun food for more wholesome and healthy snacks for the entire family. Things which will easily go into lunches or snack bags if one is going onto after school sports practices etc. or things to eat in the car on the way to various activities - yogurt, fruit, string cheese etc. along with small bottles of water or whatever kids drink that is not so full of sugar and caffeine. I have a somewhat older daughter that I will be doing this for as well as myself this week. Beside DD, take a look at DH and see if he has packed on any pounds around the middle he might stand to drop, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Why deny that body shape is important to one's self-esteem/confidence and how others perceive us? From that perspective, it is actually just as important as health.

You know what's an effective way to make fat people fatter? Shaming them for being fat.

http://www.plosone.org/article/info%3Adoi%2F10.1371%2Fjournal.pone.0070048

I'm the PP you quoted, and really, this is ridiculous. You are part of the problem.
The more overweight people there are, the more difficult it is for them to see themselves as fat, since they become the literal norm.
Obesity is first and foremost an issue of cheap junk food, which should be regulated at the federal level, with the onus placed on food companies. However, laissez-faire parenting attitudes in this country are responsible for not teaching portion control, self-regulation and moderation.
Just as parents and educators are told not to criticize children for fear of creating a lack of confidence, we can't tell kids that they are gaining too fast and need to learn to control their sugar intake? Let's not inverse the issues here. Lack of honest and direct communication is causing problems both in entitlement and weight, not the other way round.

Agreed! Overweight is a health issue and we should not tiptoe around it.

I am very direct about health in this household. My father's side of the family has a very, very strong history of diseases related to weight. It's something I struggle with a lot. As for my children, I've been straightforward about my "fruit good, cheetos bad" attitude. Junk food in my house is limited to fish crackers. I do leg lifts and slow crunches, they follow. I am not at all anywhere near model thin. If my daughter suddenly had a jump in her sugar intake, I'd ascribe it to a growth spurt at first. Then, I'd wonder if she were modelling food habits of kids at camp. Whatever the case, if the result was weight gain significant enough to notice, there'd have to be a talk at some point. I might bring sweeter fruits into the house if it were a physical craving not just a new behavior, show her the difference between a good sweet and a bad one. Watermelon is amazing and has none of the consequences of ice cream. The horror of my children suffering like my father did faaaar outweighs the discomfort of a conversation about sweets.

[Anonymous]

My daughter always grew out before she grew up. It was a pretty predictable pattern that started when she was about nine. If you're super worried, don't keep the snacks in the house, up protein at mealtime and start taking walks/playing furnished/whatever as a family. It'll even out once she gets to high school.