Reply to Talking to DD about healthy eating/weight gain without causing body image issues

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of any mental illness. I have seen the daughters of a close friend go through this and it is devastating and has lifelong implications. You should be more concerned about that than weight. I remember once talking to another mom who told me she was concerned because her DD was becoming fat. I warned her to be careful about how she spoke to her about her weight, because she was clearly exercised about it. To no avail. Two years later the girl developed anorexia and was almost hospitalized. It was a classic example of cause and effect.

I agree with the posts that say you should not make it about how she looks. She knows how she looks. Our culture makes it loud and clear when a girl is overweight. So talking about her appearance adds nothing except shame. Rather you need to provide structure in terms of exercise and healthy eating and talk in terms of health.

OP, get some professional advice. These are treacherous waters.[/quote]

I'm the Frenchwoman (and a research biologist) who posted before. I disagree with the above post. 
Sufferers from eating disorders are mentally ill and need a genetic predisposition linked to control issues. My cousin nearly died from one. Others in my family are  concerned about their appearance, but will never develop an eating disorder because they are not genetically predisposed for it. They just watch what they eat and go to the gym, and are normal healthy adults.

[b]My point is, there are far more health risks associated with not telling someone they need to lose weight[/b] than with telling someone they need to lose weight, since practically anyone can become obese, but only a minority can become anorexic or bulimic. I agree that once such a disorder develops, the risk of death and suffering drastically increases. However from a statistical public health perspective, your child will have a better outcome if you communicate openly with him or her.

Which seems obvious to me on a different level: isn't it in your own family that you would expect complete trust and honest opinions? [/quote]

So . . . everyone should assume they don't have a genetic predisposition? Because I have two cousins who have been hospitalized with anorexia -- clearly a genetic predisposition -- yet no one in the family had previously had an eating disorder. I know several girls who have had eating disorders but no one else in their family has.

You may argue that there are more health risks with being over weight and maybe thats true (certainly over the course of a life, but I question if thats true for your first 20 years). But there are not more risks with not being told you are fat. Come on, you call yourself a scientist? I don't remember ever seeing that "not telling someone they are overweight"  is a health risk.

And if the risk is being overweight, then the question is what is the best way to get teens to lose weight. I've seen nothing that indicates "telling them" is at all effective and I have seen studies that its counter-effective. Again, you're a scientist?[/quote]

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