Talking to DD about healthy eating/weight gain without causing body image issues

[Anonymous]

What does her doctor say?

I think if it were me, I'd want to be super careful that I wasn't projecting my own body image issues. I'd want an unbiased outside opinion on whether there's actually a problem here before I talked to my kid about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Why deny that body shape is important to one's self-esteem/confidence and how others perceive us? From that perspective, it is actually just as important as health.

You know what's an effective way to make fat people fatter? Shaming them for being fat.

http://www.plosone.org/article/info%3Adoi%2F10.1371%2Fjournal.pone.0070048

I'm the PP you quoted, and really, this is ridiculous. You are part of the problem.
The more overweight people there are, the more difficult it is for them to see themselves as fat, since they become the literal norm.
Obesity is first and foremost an issue of cheap junk food, which should be regulated at the federal level, with the onus placed on food companies. However, laissez-faire parenting attitudes in this country are responsible for not teaching portion control, self-regulation and moderation.
Just as parents and educators are told not to criticize children for fear of creating a lack of confidence, we can't tell kids that they are gaining too fast and need to learn to control their sugar intake? Let's not inverse the issues here. Lack of honest and direct communication is causing problems both in entitlement and weight, not the other way round.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Why deny that body shape is important to one's self-esteem/confidence and how others perceive us? From that perspective, it is actually just as important as health.

You know what's an effective way to make fat people fatter? Shaming them for being fat.

http://www.plosone.org/article/info%3Adoi%2F10.1371%2Fjournal.pone.0070048

I'm the PP you quoted, and really, this is ridiculous. You are part of the problem.
The more overweight people there are, the more difficult it is for them to see themselves as fat, since they become the literal norm.
Obesity is first and foremost an issue of cheap junk food, which should be regulated at the federal level, with the onus placed on food companies. However, laissez-faire parenting attitudes in this country are responsible for not teaching portion control, self-regulation and moderation.
Just as parents and educators are told not to criticize children for fear of creating a lack of confidence, we can't tell kids that they are gaining too fast and need to learn to control their sugar intake? Let's not inverse the issues here. Lack of honest and direct communication is causing problems both in entitlement and weight, not the other way round.

Agreed! Overweight is a health issue and we should not tiptoe around it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Why deny that body shape is important to one's self-esteem/confidence and how others perceive us? From that perspective, it is actually just as important as health.

You know what's an effective way to make fat people fatter? Shaming them for being fat.

http://www.plosone.org/article/info%3Adoi%2F10.1371%2Fjournal.pone.0070048

I'm the PP you quoted, and really, this is ridiculous. You are part of the problem.
The more overweight people there are, the more difficult it is for them to see themselves as fat, since they become the literal norm.
Obesity is first and foremost an issue of cheap junk food, which should be regulated at the federal level, with the onus placed on food companies. However, laissez-faire parenting attitudes in this country are responsible for not teaching portion control, self-regulation and moderation.
Just as parents and educators are told not to criticize children for fear of creating a lack of confidence, we can't tell kids that they are gaining too fast and need to learn to control their sugar intake? Let's not inverse the issues here. Lack of honest and direct communication is causing problems both in entitlement and weight, not the other way round.

Just be careful about the self-esteem and self-worth issue being wrapped up in how you "look" rather than how you feel. Wanting to be a 'pretty, thin chick" in America can lead to a self-flagellating lifestyle, as you know. Does it matter if someone is fat? A little tubby? Only insofar as fatness is unhealthy... but I wouldn't pile onto the prettiness or self-esteem issue there. That's a hot potato.

[Anonymous]

OP I only skimmed the responses so sorry if I missed it, but I don't think anybody has commented on the dental aspect of a high sugar intake. Sugar isn't good for teeth either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
1. Make it easy for her, and don't keep sugary things in the house. Institute portion control for dessert, no second helpings, etc.

2. I'm French and lived in different European countries.
I don't get the American fear of "body image issues". It's wonderful and useful to talk about core muscles, but if a 9 year old's squishy belly bulges out of his or her pants, then you should talk about it.
Why deny that body shape is important to one's self-esteem/confidence and how others perceive us? From that perspective, it is actually just as important as health.
Tiptoeing around food issues and personal appearance hasn't helped the average American waistline. I would be caring but direct and offer help.

+1. there is no sense in pretending that overeating junk food doesn't cause fat. It's a fact. Today's parents are afraid to hurt their DC's feelings by helping them understand this fact? No wonder there is a childhood obesity problem in this country.

+100 People have gone way overboard on this whole fear of body image thing. It's very difficult to have a child lose weight if you can't even talk about it. I was an overweight child and my mom helped me lose weight by cutting out junk and helping me increase my exercise. There was no tippy toeing around the issue by just discussing being healthy in general. Most kids don't really care about that anyway. She would say in no uncertain terms that eating junk and lack of exercise makes people fat. I'm extremely grateful that my mother nixed my weight issue in the bud. I went on to become a normal sized teen and adult, and no I never developed an eating disorder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Why deny that body shape is important to one's self-esteem/confidence and how others perceive us? From that perspective, it is actually just as important as health.

You know what's an effective way to make fat people fatter? Shaming them for being fat.

http://www.plosone.org/article/info%3Adoi%2F10.1371%2Fjournal.pone.0070048

I'm the PP you quoted, and really, this is ridiculous. You are part of the problem.
The more overweight people there are, the more difficult it is for them to see themselves as fat, since they become the literal norm.
Obesity is first and foremost an issue of cheap junk food, which should be regulated at the federal level, with the onus placed on food companies. However, laissez-faire parenting attitudes in this country are responsible for not teaching portion control, self-regulation and moderation.
Just as parents and educators are told not to criticize children for fear of creating a lack of confidence, we can't tell kids that they are gaining too fast and need to learn to control their sugar intake? Let's not inverse the issues here. Lack of honest and direct communication is causing problems both in entitlement and weight, not the other way round.

You are conflating two problems.

Problem #1: public health. How can we reduce the rate of obesity in the public in general?
Problem #2: individual people. How can we help people be at and maintain a healthy weight?

And for problem #2, the answer is clear that if your goal is to help individual people be at and maintain a healthy weight, you should not shame them for being fat. Even if you think they're fat. Even if you just can't stand not telling them that they're fat, because after all, they're fat.

So the question is, what's your goal for problem #2? Telling fat people that they're fat, or helping them achieve a healthy weight?

[Anonymous]

Eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of any mental illness. I have seen the daughters of a close friend go through this and it is devastating and has lifelong implications. You should be more concerned about that than weight. I remember once talking to another mom who told me she was concerned because her DD was becoming fat. I warned her to be careful about how she spoke to her about her weight, because she was clearly exercised about it. To no avail. Two years later the girl developed anorexia and was almost hospitalized. It was a classic example of cause and effect.

I agree with the posts that say you should not make it about how she looks. She knows how she looks. Our culture makes it loud and clear when a girl is overweight. So talking about her appearance adds nothing except shame. Rather you need to provide structure in terms of exercise and healthy eating and talk in terms of health.

OP, get some professional advice. These are treacherous waters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of any mental illness. I have seen the daughters of a close friend go through this and it is devastating and has lifelong implications. You should be more concerned about that than weight. I remember once talking to another mom who told me she was concerned because her DD was becoming fat. I warned her to be careful about how she spoke to her about her weight, because she was clearly exercised about it. To no avail. Two years later the girl developed anorexia and was almost hospitalized. It was a classic example of cause and effect.

I agree with the posts that say you should not make it about how she looks. She knows how she looks. Our culture makes it loud and clear when a girl is overweight. So talking about her appearance adds nothing except shame. Rather you need to provide structure in terms of exercise and healthy eating and talk in terms of health.

OP, get some professional advice. These are treacherous waters.

In a recent CDC study, it was found that kids are unaware that they are overweight. http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2014/07/29/kids-don-t-know-how-overweight-they-really-are.html

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of any mental illness. I have seen the daughters of a close friend go through this and it is devastating and has lifelong implications. You should be more concerned about that than weight. I remember once talking to another mom who told me she was concerned because her DD was becoming fat. I warned her to be careful about how she spoke to her about her weight, because she was clearly exercised about it. To no avail. Two years later the girl developed anorexia and was almost hospitalized. It was a classic example of cause and effect.

I agree with the posts that say you should not make it about how she looks. She knows how she looks. Our culture makes it loud and clear when a girl is overweight. So talking about her appearance adds nothing except shame. Rather you need to provide structure in terms of exercise and healthy eating and talk in terms of health.

OP, get some professional advice. These are treacherous waters.

I'm the Frenchwoman (and a research biologist) who posted before. I disagree with the above post.
Sufferers from eating disorders are mentally ill and need a genetic predisposition linked to control issues. My cousin nearly died from one. Others in my family are concerned about their appearance, but will never develop an eating disorder because they are not genetically predisposed for it. They just watch what they eat and go to the gym, and are normal healthy adults.

My point is, there are far more health risks associated with not telling someone they need to lose weight than with telling someone they need to lose weight, since practically anyone can become obese, but only a minority can become anorexic or bulimic. I agree that once such a disorder develops, the risk of death and suffering drastically increases. However from a statistical public health perspective, your child will have a better outcome if you communicate openly with him or her.

Which seems obvious to me on a different level: isn't it in your own family that you would expect complete trust and honest opinions?

[Anonymous]

http://www.businessinsider.com/attractive-people-are-more-successful-2012-9

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I'm the Frenchwoman (and a research biologist) who posted before. I disagree with the above post.
Sufferers from eating disorders are mentally ill and need a genetic predisposition linked to control issues. My cousin nearly died from one. Others in my family are concerned about their appearance, but will never develop an eating disorder because they are not genetically predisposed for it. They just watch what they eat and go to the gym, and are normal healthy adults.

My point is, there are far more health risks associated with not telling someone they need to lose weight than with telling someone they need to lose weight, since practically anyone can become obese, but only a minority can become anorexic or bulimic. I agree that once such a disorder develops, the risk of death and suffering drastically increases. However from a statistical public health perspective, your child will have a better outcome if you communicate openly with him or her.

Which seems obvious to me on a different level: isn't it in your own family that you would expect complete trust and honest opinions?

OK, you are a research biologist. That means you are qualified to look up the evidence related to this question: does telling someone they need to lose weight result in their losing weight?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I'm the Frenchwoman (and a research biologist) who posted before. I disagree with the above post.
Sufferers from eating disorders are mentally ill and need a genetic predisposition linked to control issues. My cousin nearly died from one. Others in my family are concerned about their appearance, but will never develop an eating disorder because they are not genetically predisposed for it. They just watch what they eat and go to the gym, and are normal healthy adults.

My point is, there are far more health risks associated with not telling someone they need to lose weight than with telling someone they need to lose weight, since practically anyone can become obese, but only a minority can become anorexic or bulimic. I agree that once such a disorder develops, the risk of death and suffering drastically increases. However from a statistical public health perspective, your child will have a better outcome if you communicate openly with him or her.

Which seems obvious to me on a different level: isn't it in your own family that you would expect complete trust and honest opinions?

OK, you are a research biologist. That means you are qualified to look up the evidence related to this question: does telling someone they need to lose weight result in their losing weight?

Not PP but I would like to address your question: Probably not if you are an adult. But kids need guidance in all parts of their lives, including healthy eating and teaching them that junk food can lead to weight gain.

[Anonymous]

I'm not the research biologist. But yes, there have been times when I've had a general sense that I'd gained some weight but it wasn't until someone actually made a comment about it that I was motivated to get my butt in gear and lose weight.

[Anonymous]

BORING to talk about how you look and add another layer of stupid "pretty" crap to worry about on your kid's head. My DD is 7, very slender-to-downright-skinny, and though I do not ever put pressure on her to be pretty/skinny, she has picked up on that cue from society. I find it distasteful. And I don't think it can lead to much good.