Talking to DD about healthy eating/weight gain without causing body image issues

[Anonymous]

DD is 9. We have always been laid back but keep a healthy diet for our family. We are all fit and trim. But DD seems to have a real addiction to sugar. While we keep treats/desserts in moderation, she finds a way to sneak more than she should have. She can't stop herself. Now she has gained a little weight and you can see it in her tummy. I could use some advice about how to talk to DD about this without causing major body image issues. Any advice? (please no judgey comments)

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I would not talk about weight gain at all. If you are concerned about how many treats she's eating, talk about it in those terms, and those terms alone.

If you don't want to cause body image issues, don't make body shape the issue.

If she's eating an unhealthy number of treats, that wouldn't be healthy behavior even if she were thin, right?

[Anonymous]

http://thefeedingdoctor.com/blog/

[Anonymous]

we just talk about being healthy and athletic. we have one set of grandparents that are like that, one that is not. so dd can see the difference. we also would say "core" not "stomach" or "tummy", etc, and refer to strong core, muscles to support our posture, etc. took it completely away from an image, fat thing. and also didn't make it about dd. it applies to all of us, and we work on it too, etc. GL!

[Anonymous]

Don't talk Mom.

You DD picks-up on enough pressure from friends/kids at school/media/society in general.

She may very well end up trim like the rest of you. Or she may be for some time in her life but not always. Prepare yourself. I think this is the most important - you'll have to be accepting, trim or not.

[Anonymous]

1. Make it easy for her, and don't keep sugary things in the house. Institute portion control for dessert, no second helpings, etc.

2. I'm French and lived in different European countries.
I don't get the American fear of "body image issues". It's wonderful and useful to talk about core muscles, but if a 9 year old's squishy belly bulges out of his or her pants, then you should talk about it.
Why deny that body shape is important to one's self-esteem/confidence and how others perceive us? From that perspective, it is actually just as important as health.
Tiptoeing around food issues and personal appearance hasn't helped the average American waistline. I would be caring but direct and offer help.

[Anonymous]

Don't talk about weight. Just always let her know to stay healthy the whole family needs to eat healthy, get exercise (even if it is just running around in the yard playing kickball as a family, get enough sleep, wear seat belts, avoid drugs/alcohol, etc. These regular positive messages about the basics of a healthy lifestyle do not place emphasis on body image, just overall being healthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD is 9. We have always been laid back but keep a healthy diet for our family. We are all fit and trim. But DD seems to have a real addiction to sugar. While we keep treats/desserts in moderation, she finds a way to sneak more than she should have. She can't stop herself. Now she has gained a little weight and you can see it in her tummy. I could use some advice about how to talk to DD about this without causing major body image issues. Any advice? (please no judgey comments)

Why not change your own behavior first? Change what you stock so she only has the option to sneak healthy food, and serve more filling food at meals and snacks so she doesn't feel driven by her low blood sugar.

If you must speak to her, you can avoid making it about her body by not making it about her body, but the behavior. You have noticed she seems to still be hungry after meals--is she? Then let her talk.

[Anonymous]

At age 9 any chance she's gaining before a big growth spurt? I wouldn't worry - just keep pushing healthy habits and family physical activity.

[Anonymous]

I talk about this in terms of being aware of all the tasty, treaty, unhealthy things available (in part because they SELL and many companies MONEY), and needing to be mindful of what is healthy and good for you, and what is not.

We do not restrict healthy food. My kids can eat as many vegetables, beans, whole grains and so on that they want.

We do restrict treats including desserts and chips. I told here there were scientists out there who made foods that people would NOT BE ABLE TO STOP eating, because they wanted them to buy as much as possible! So our job was to pay attention. To make sure we enjoy our treats by selecting the MOST delicious ones, but also to make sure we eat them responsibly, like only after already filling up on healthy stuff, and only eating a little bit.

So in our case, we do not talk about being fat as bad.

As it turns out, I'm trying to lose some weight myself. I have a nice beer belly (thank you both weight gain and stretched out stomach muscles that never will get back to pre-baby size). I do not disparage my size or weight. I say I'm allowed to be any size I want to be! But I also say, you know, I do have more fat on my body that I need, and I do need to pay attention now to eating healthy foods and health amounts. I also enjoy an occasional lick of ice cream, and also say, "Well, only two licks, because I'm trying really hard to make sure I keep my focus on vegetables and fruits! I can get carried away with ice cream!"

That seems to be okay.

[Anonymous]

I agree not to talk directly about the weight. Also be aware that it's pretty common for girls to gain some weight and look a bit 'chubby' at this age as their body preps for puberty. I definitely did so, and was encouraged to watch what I ate by family members and asked often if I 'really needed' that second cookie. If anything, those efforts backfired (I'd stubbornly insist that YES, I needed it!) -- but because I had a family that generally made me feel good about myself and modeled healthy (through not restrictive) eating, I grew up to have what I feel is a very healthy relationship with food and exercise. I'll never be super thin but am not overweight, eat great and am in better shape than my skinnier siblings and have a healthy self-image -- which is what I'd hope for my own kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
1. Make it easy for her, and don't keep sugary things in the house. Institute portion control for dessert, no second helpings, etc.

2. I'm French and lived in different European countries.
I don't get the American fear of "body image issues". It's wonderful and useful to talk about core muscles, but if a 9 year old's squishy belly bulges out of his or her pants, then you should talk about it.
Why deny that body shape is important to one's self-esteem/confidence and how others perceive us? From that perspective, it is actually just as important as health.
Tiptoeing around food issues and personal appearance hasn't helped the average American waistline. I would be caring but direct and offer help.

The problem is that talking about weight or restricting a child's portions usually backfires, leading to more anxiety about food and, down the road, more weight gain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
1. Make it easy for her, and don't keep sugary things in the house. Institute portion control for dessert, no second helpings, etc.

2. I'm French and lived in different European countries.
I don't get the American fear of "body image issues". It's wonderful and useful to talk about core muscles, but if a 9 year old's squishy belly bulges out of his or her pants, then you should talk about it.
Why deny that body shape is important to one's self-esteem/confidence and how others perceive us? From that perspective, it is actually just as important as health.
Tiptoeing around food issues and personal appearance hasn't helped the average American waistline. I would be caring but direct and offer help.

+1. there is no sense in pretending that overeating junk food doesn't cause fat. It's a fact. Today's parents are afraid to hurt their DC's feelings by helping them understand this fact? No wonder there is a childhood obesity problem in this country.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Why deny that body shape is important to one's self-esteem/confidence and how others perceive us? From that perspective, it is actually just as important as health.

You know what's an effective way to make fat people fatter? Shaming them for being fat.

http://www.plosone.org/article/info%3Adoi%2F10.1371%2Fjournal.pone.0070048

[Anonymous]

I agree, do NOT talk about weight loss. Anyway at that age kids can plump up in the belly and then shoot up in height. One of my nieces who basically looks like she has an eating disorder (but doesn't) had a belly last summer at 12 which burned off again this year as she continued to grow.