Preparing your kid for adulthood when they're not "college material"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wasn't "college material." My parents pushed me towards learning a job that would allow me to support myself. I didn't move out until I was 23. I've been fired from a lot of jobs. Being a person is really, really hard. There's really just no good solution.

PP, you are my hero. I know it's been hard for you, but I really admire your perseverance. I hope you're able to figure some things out for yourself in terms of diagnosis. You hang in there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I'm 38 and was tested and diagnosed when I was 19. I don't know why I wasn't treated. But I do have the test results on paper from a psychologist from then.

You are about the same age as my LD sibling. Frankly, back then "diagnosis" wasn't very clear and many "disorders" like Central Auditory Processing, were still in the process of being established. Not much was known about "treatment" -- neither in terms of drugs (like for ADD) or in terms of "academic therapy" (like certain types of instructional programs).

My parents and many teachers also assumed that my sibling was just not trying hard enough, and this has caused a lot of hard feelings between my sibling toward our parents. As a parent of an LD child myself, I have sympathy for both the parents and the children caught in this situation. My sibling is mad because he feels like my parents failed in their parental duty. Yet, my parents did not have access to information about disorders in the way we do today. I can't imagine handling this for my LD child without the amazing amounts of information I have been able to research via the internet. In addition, disability law was far less developed back then, and my sibling didn't have the legal and educational protections that my child has available today.

I would really encourage you to go and get a full neuropsychological assessment -- some of it may even be covered by health insurance, particularly if you frame the need for the assessment as one to assist with whole life functioning and to evaluate for ADD, depression, anxiety, etc. The diagnostic tools today are better, and there are more "treatment" recommendations.

It may be overwhelming to sift through all the information about your situation. If your parents aren't receptive, perhaps you have a close friend, a relative or a partner who could help you research and sort out whether academic tutoring, organizational coaching, technological assistance, specific social/pragmatic teaching, a different line of work, or disability protections could help you. I also think that an ongoing relationship with a good psychologist skilled with LDs could help you manage work-related anxiety and depression and help you think of ways to compensate and deal with the work environment.

I second the PP below who praised your persistence. That is a real strength -- despite many difficulties you have managed to move out of the house and keep your own place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wasn't "college material." My parents pushed me towards learning a job that would allow me to support myself. I didn't move out until I was 23. I've been fired from a lot of jobs. Being a person is really, really hard. There's really just no good solution.

Can you explain what your diagnosis is and why you were fired from jobs? What do you wish that your parents have done differently?

My diagnosis is a slew of severe learning disabilities. I've been fired from jobs because I have a hard time catching on - sometimes to things I've been specifically told to do and sometimes to things I was supposed to pick up without being told but didn't. So when my boss said (admin asst) to highlight who is getting the cc of the letter and I forget that, he gets pissed. If he gets pissed too many times, I get fired. And there are like a thousand little details like that for me to remember. Or he'll teach me how to do something in Excel and I won't be able to remember it for the future. You might say "why not just write it down?" but there are like 40 things to write down in a ten minute period - there's no time for that. Or he'll tell me how to do something in Excel and half do it for me and I won't truly understand what he told me to do so I can't write it down even if there IS time.

I have no idea what to say I wish my parents did differently - other than give me a couple million dollars to support myself without a job. I could spend a little of it to buy a condo and invest the rest and live off the interest. Emotionally, it would help if when I've sneaked out of work to call them hysterically crying they didn't just say "Well, I don't know what to tell you." They always imply that all I need to do is just TRY harder. It's like they're saying "just try harder to fly off the roof!" and aren't hearing me when I say "but I don't have wings - i'm going to crash every SINGLE time!"

Oh my gosh- please see if you can get some treatment and support- I have family members who would have led different lives with treatment and support for learning disabilities. Look into what insurance will pay for a neuro psych evaluation. You have better more detailed advice from others but your post just kind of breaks my heart. I wish you the best.