I don't understand if I am being too needy or if he is being emotionally unavailable

[Anonymous]

OP here. Ok, I get it, Jeeze Louise! I just miss him, that's all - is that so wrong?

I can entertain myself and am home with my kids this week so there is plenty to do, and no, I wouldn't yell or cry if he called etc….but I have no idea what is normal so needed a DCUM check. Thanks!!

[Anonymous]

I got the same way when my boyfriend was entertaining relatives in town. Maybe some of the DCUMs who've been married for a long time have forgotten about this stage of dating.

I tried very hard to be patient. I knew he was busy, but after about 6 or 7 days, it was really bothering me. All I needed was a little reassurance. I sent a text that said I knew he was busy, but not getting a response for a week was making me a little mental. He must have understood because he called me and we talked for a few minutes. He mentioned it the week after, like he was concerned I was angry. I told him I asked for attention when I needed it and he obliged and that I appreciated it. I wasn't bitchy or demanding, just honest. We agreed asking directly was best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Seems your focus is me...me....me. What you need, what you want without a care for what he needs or wants.

Just like every other god damn broad on this board. See the ADD thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got the same way when my boyfriend was entertaining relatives in town. Maybe some of the DCUMs who've been married for a long time have forgotten about this stage of dating.

I tried very hard to be patient. I knew he was busy, but after about 6 or 7 days, it was really bothering me. All I needed was a little reassurance. I sent a text that said I knew he was busy, but not getting a response for a week was making me a little mental. He must have understood because he called me and we talked for a few minutes. He mentioned it the week after, like he was concerned I was angry. I told him I asked for attention when I needed it and he obliged and that I appreciated it. I wasn't bitchy or demanding, just honest. We agreed asking directly was best.

There's a big difference between not responding to a girlfriend's request for 6-7 days and what the OP is describing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got the same way when my boyfriend was entertaining relatives in town. Maybe some of the DCUMs who've been married for a long time have forgotten about this stage of dating.

I tried very hard to be patient. I knew he was busy, but after about 6 or 7 days, it was really bothering me. All I needed was a little reassurance. I sent a text that said I knew he was busy, but not getting a response for a week was making me a little mental. He must have understood because he called me and we talked for a few minutes. He mentioned it the week after, like he was concerned I was angry. I told him I asked for attention when I needed it and he obliged and that I appreciated it. I wasn't bitchy or demanding, just honest. We agreed asking directly was best.

There's a big difference between not responding to a girlfriend's request for 6-7 days and what the OP is describing.

I don't think it is. A change in behavior would make a lot of women feel like this. She needs reassurance and it isn't unreasonable. If she calls him up and says she needs more hearts or smiley faces a day, he's going to get pissed or weirded out. If she approaches it in a way he can understand it, they'll both be better off for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got the same way when my boyfriend was entertaining relatives in town. Maybe some of the DCUMs who've been married for a long time have forgotten about this stage of dating.

I tried very hard to be patient. I knew he was busy, but after about 6 or 7 days, it was really bothering me. All I needed was a little reassurance. I sent a text that said I knew he was busy, but not getting a response for a week was making me a little mental. He must have understood because he called me and we talked for a few minutes. He mentioned it the week after, like he was concerned I was angry. I told him I asked for attention when I needed it and he obliged and that I appreciated it. I wasn't bitchy or demanding, just honest. We agreed asking directly was best.

There's a big difference between not responding to a girlfriend's request for 6-7 days and what the OP is describing.

I don't think it is. A change in behavior would make a lot of women feel like this. She needs reassurance and it isn't unreasonable. If she calls him up and says she needs more hearts or smiley faces a day, he's going to get pissed or weirded out. If she approaches it in a way he can understand it, they'll both be better off for it.

Needing constant reassurance is the definition of needy. And no - most- women wouldn't feel that way. Most adult woman aren't that needy, they have at least some basic amount of independence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got the same way when my boyfriend was entertaining relatives in town. Maybe some of the DCUMs who've been married for a long time have forgotten about this stage of dating.

I tried very hard to be patient. I knew he was busy, but after about 6 or 7 days, it was really bothering me. All I needed was a little reassurance. I sent a text that said I knew he was busy, but not getting a response for a week was making me a little mental. He must have understood because he called me and we talked for a few minutes. He mentioned it the week after, like he was concerned I was angry. I told him I asked for attention when I needed it and he obliged and that I appreciated it. I wasn't bitchy or demanding, just honest. We agreed asking directly was best.

There's a big difference between not responding to a girlfriend's request for 6-7 days and what the OP is describing.

I don't think it is. A change in behavior would make a lot of women feel like this. She needs reassurance and it isn't unreasonable. If she calls him up and says she needs more hearts or smiley faces a day, he's going to get pissed or weirded out. If she approaches it in a way he can understand it, they'll both be better off for it.

Needing constant reassurance is the definition of needy. And no - most- women wouldn't feel that way. Most adult woman aren't that needy, they have at least some basic amount of independence.

After a change in behavior? I disagree. There are relationship books that describe the same thing.

[Anonymous]

Too needy. Back off.

[Anonymous]

Shouldn't a partner meet the other's emotional needs? and if he/she can't then they aren't the one as it were? Im not talking about oppressive neediness, but basic need for reassurance/attention/love.

also, there seem to be some men on here who have either been very hurt or would really like a woman to be over the top needy for them, i can't decide which it is...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Shouldn't a partner meet the other's emotional needs? and if he/she can't then they aren't the one as it were? Im not talking about oppressive neediness, but basic need for reassurance/attention/love.

also, there seem to be some men on here who have either been very hurt or would really like a woman to be over the top needy for them, i can't decide which it is...

This is a six-month-old relationship. The level of contact from him seems pretty reasonable at this stage.

I guess this is a personal preference, but as I man, I'd be a little unnerved if my girlfriend of six months started complaining that I was not being attentive enough because I was only texting her twice per day while on a relatively short trip to visit family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I guess this is a personal preference, but as I man, I'd be a little unnerved if my girlfriend of six months started complaining that I was not being attentive enough because I was only texting her twice per day while on a relatively short trip to visit family.

The definition of high maintenance. She better be great in the sack to be so needy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Shouldn't a partner meet the other's emotional needs? and if he/she can't then they aren't the one as it were? Im not talking about oppressive neediness, but basic need for reassurance/attention/love.

also, there seem to be some men on here who have either been very hurt or would really like a woman to be over the top needy for them, i can't decide which it is...

Absolutely not. That is a recipe for disaster. You can't take on the responsibility for someone else's emotions. You can't say that is it your partner's fault if you are unhappy, scared, sad, angry, etc - that if they were the right person you they would meet those needs. Neither is it their responsibility to make you feel good about yourself. Your partner should be one person of many in your life who give you reassurance, attention and love. Putting 100% of your needs on another person is scary.

In this case, he is sending texts twice a day - he is doing his part to stay connected.

[Anonymous]

No OP, you are not being too needy.

I would feel a bit miffed as well.

He is only sending you a heart or two and minimal sentences??!

The only thing I can think of is that he hasn't seen his sister, brother-in-law & niece in a LONG time and is using this time to make up for lost time perhaps..?

Not quite sure.

How long will he be gone total?

[Anonymous]

I think it depends a lot on the tone of your relationship prior to him leaving for vacation. I don't think it's unreasonable to expect a phone call once or twice a day if your relationship is serious and committed. some relationships are and some aren't at 6 months so it's hard to say.

For comparison, my husband calls about twice a day when he is on work trips- once in the morning to say hi to the kids and usually at night when he is back in his hotel. very occasionally we might exchange a few texts too but that is rarer. I don't think my expectation of these phone calls makes me needy, but this is something that works for both of us and is an understood part of the relationship.

I would just talk to him when you get back- don't guilt him or lay it on just say hey, I think we should talk about where we are in the relationship and what expectations you each have about communication.

[Anonymous]