I don't know if I should invite exes to our wedding

[Anonymous]

This issue seems so trivial to me, but the fact that OP has been keeping it a secret will make her seem suspicious to her fiance and her dishonesty has made things needlessly complicated. OP's behavior is a big red flag for this marriage IMHO.

[Anonymous]

"Etiquette" is being used here as an excuse for inviting old loves. Etiquette sets no rule for this issue. And even if it did it would not trump personal feelings. Every person there at your wedding should be there to support in earnest your sacred bond. Both of you need to be of good faith in not bringing forth anyone who weakens that.

[Anonymous]

Don't invite.

If you do say are u OK with inviting exes. If be says no. H have ur answer.

[Anonymous]

I give your marriage 2 years

[Anonymous]

If they are your ex's, I am quite sure your fiance knows you slept w/them. I mean, c'mon...They ARE your ex's. He just probably never asked you about it because it is just assumed that you did + he really doesn't want to know all the dirty details, etc.

Anyway, I don't see why you have to invite them to your wedding. It's not a given that they have to be present.

I wouldn't invite them.

Congrats on your big day!

[Anonymous]

Do not invit them and stop hanging out with them. Imagine how your husband will feel when he finds out- he been friends with guys you had sex with and didn't know. He will feel like you two had this secret and were laughing at how dumb he was behind his back. Put yourself in his shoes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one at the wedding that the bride or groom has had sex with.

yes. this is always a good rule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If they are your ex's, I am quite sure your fiance knows you slept w/them. I mean, c'mon...They ARE your ex's. He just probably never asked you about it because it is just assumed that you did + he really doesn't want to know all the dirty details, etc.

Anyway, I don't see why you have to invite them to your wedding. It's not a given that they have to be present.

I wouldn't invite them.

Congrats on your big day!

She never told him they were ex's. He thinks they are just friends.

[Anonymous]

I had one ex at the wedding (there with his girlfriend), but we were never very serious, my now husband knew, and we had all become good friends.

I would be pretty angry and distraught if it turned out that one of DH's friends that we were hanging out with was an ex. Wedding or not, that information should have been disclosed long ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If they are your ex's, I am quite sure your fiance knows you slept w/them. I mean, c'mon...They ARE your ex's. He just probably never asked you about it because it is just assumed that you did + he really doesn't want to know all the dirty details, etc.

Anyway, I don't see why you have to invite them to your wedding. It's not a given that they have to be present.

I wouldn't invite them.

Congrats on your big day!

Reading comprehension is your friend, dumbass. He DOESN'T KNOW they are OPs exes. She has kept him in the dark about the fact that the friends they (as a couple) socialize with have plowed his fiancé.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I give your marriage 2 years

I would say less. It's only a matter of time before he finds out. The longer she waits, the worse his reaction would be.

They are not meant to be married, or she wouldn't be hiding this from him. If she were comfortable with him, she would have told him.

I give it 6 months.

Or less if someone gets drunk at the wedding reception and spills their beans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your fiancé doesn't share your views of sex and relationships...don't marry him. I have no problem with FWB or hook ups, but that is something pretty fundamental that you as a couple need to agree on if it is a big deal etc.

I personally know most of DHs ex lovers and FWBs and he knows most of mine. Those that we are still friendly with were at our wedding.

I'm not saying that you have to know each other's exact numbers, but having a similar outlook on sexual mores is important for marriage?

Well right now we DO have same outlooks. I guess in the past we didn`t. I`m pretty sure he`s never had FWB or hookups like you say. So if he finds out I did he`s not going to be happy.

I know telling him is the right thing to do. It`s just like I said I don`t know how to do that. Has anyone had a same situation and if you did how would you recommend i approach this

OP,
I think no one is giving you the advice on how to tell him because they were upfront in the beginning of the relationship. You have to realize you dug yourself into a deep hole and expect he will be angry that you kept this from him. He might call off the wedding, but that's why you are afraid to tell him, isn't it?

You cannot have a happy marriage built on lies. You need to sit him down and say "I have something I need to tell you. Or I need to clear the air about something." You said these exes were one night stands or FWB, so you didn't actually date them. Tell him that. He needs to know who you were. If he can get past the lying (and his impression of you), then you will be ok. If he can't, then better he leave you now than in a few months or years.

Next time, be honest about who you are.

[Anonymous]

^^ Also, apologize profusely for not telling him sooner and make sure he understands that the sex with the exes ended a long time ago (if it did.)

I wouldn't plan on inviting the exes to the wedding.

Give him some time to think about what he wants to do and don't try to manipulate him with tears. It will only backfire.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:guy here - NO WAY. you haven't told him that you slept with the guys he thinks are only friends. and you can't tell him now - it's way to late to come clean and it will not come off (to him) good at all.

Just invite them and say nothing.

nothing like starting a new life with a spouse blind to deception...and deceived at the goddamn wedding no less!

She hasn't told him before because it's none of his business. She shouldn't tell him now because it's still none of his business and it will just stir up trouble. If those guys haven't been jerks and told him, then she shouldn't either. That stuff is her past. Leave it there.

She's not under oath. She doesn't have an obligation to disclose every single thing. A relationship isn't a deposition.

The idea that someone's past is none of the business of the person they are marrying is a recipe for disaster. There are many things about a person's past that influence who they are today and compatibility can really only be there if you know the truth about the person. I would never marry someone who believed that anything that happened before I met them was none of my business.

[Anonymous]

So...am I the only one who thinks this is a small potatoes issue? If you're really starting your "for better or for worse", "'till death do us part" life together, you're gonna face aging parents, possible fertility issues, child-rearing dilemmas, maybe personal health crises, etc. If there is this much drama over a few dudes with whom you had a roll in the hay, you've got some tough decades ahead.

Invite these guys or don't, come clean with your fiancee or don't, but Lord, get some perspective. In the grander scheme, this is nothing.