Tell future MIL I'm an atheist?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:smile and nod. As a very religious person myself I would never allow my child to marry or be a non beliver. I would make your life HELL if I knew you didnt believe and you were going to marry my son.

How Christlike of you.

Never ALLOW your child to marry a non-believer? Honey, you have a lot to learn.

A lot to learn about what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have the end in mind before you pick this battle. What do you hope to gain by starting this fight? And it's going to be a fight.

Have you and your spouse discussed how you will handle this once you are married? How are you going to handle children and when she asks what their religious upbringing will be?

And, on a side note, your husband had a religious upbringing. Right now he may be trying on atheism for size, but in my experience I find people tend to move back towards what is familiar and comforting to them as they age and as they have children. What will you do if your husband decides he wants to be a christian again and raise the kids as christians?

Others gain with age the ability to think critically and rationally, and are able to let go of the fairy tales of youth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have the end in mind before you pick this battle. What do you hope to gain by starting this fight? And it's going to be a fight.

Have you and your spouse discussed how you will handle this once you are married? How are you going to handle children and when she asks what their religious upbringing will be?

And, on a side note, your husband had a religious upbringing. Right now he may be trying on atheism for size, but in my experience I find people tend to move back towards what is familiar and comforting to them as they age and as they have children. What will you do if your husband decides he wants to be a christian again and raise the kids as christians?

Others gain with age the ability to think critically and rationally, and are able to let go of the fairy tales of youth.

Yes, the "fairy tale poster" Haven't seen you in a while.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have the end in mind before you pick this battle. What do you hope to gain by starting this fight? And it's going to be a fight.

Have you and your spouse discussed how you will handle this once you are married? How are you going to handle children and when she asks what their religious upbringing will be?

And, on a side note, your husband had a religious upbringing. Right now he may be trying on atheism for size, but in my experience I find people tend to move back towards what is familiar and comforting to them as they age and as they have children. What will you do if your husband decides he wants to be a christian again and raise the kids as christians?

Others gain with age the ability to think critically and rationally, and are able to let go of the fairy tales of youth.

So will you divorce him and entrench the kids in a bitter custody battle if he has a religious epiphany a decade from now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have the end in mind before you pick this battle. What do you hope to gain by starting this fight? And it's going to be a fight.

Have you and your spouse discussed how you will handle this once you are married? How are you going to handle children and when she asks what their religious upbringing will be?

And, on a side note, your husband had a religious upbringing. Right now he may be trying on atheism for size, but in my experience I find people tend to move back towards what is familiar and comforting to them as they age and as they have children. What will you do if your husband decides he wants to be a christian again and raise the kids as christians?

Others gain with age the ability to think critically and rationally, and are able to let go of the fairy tales of youth.

Yes, the "fairy tale poster" Haven't seen you in a while.

Yeah, after. Cosmos ended I felt a little uninspired for awhile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have the end in mind before you pick this battle. What do you hope to gain by starting this fight? And it's going to be a fight.

Have you and your spouse discussed how you will handle this once you are married? How are you going to handle children and when she asks what their religious upbringing will be?

And, on a side note, your husband had a religious upbringing. Right now he may be trying on atheism for size, but in my experience I find people tend to move back towards what is familiar and comforting to them as they age and as they have children. What will you do if your husband decides he wants to be a christian again and raise the kids as christians?

Others gain with age the ability to think critically and rationally, and are able to let go of the fairy tales of youth.

So will you divorce him and entrench the kids in a bitter custody battle if he has a religious epiphany a decade from now?

I'm not OP, but my spouse is the more strident nontheist in our home. Spouse would not call for divorce, but it would be a huge problem and going back to religion isn't worth the disruption, even if I did believe. As a family, we have a Nonreligious weekly congregation that everyone is happy with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think your first priority is getting on the same page with your partner in regards to how you two will handle issues with each other's parents.

For the most part we are on the same page. I believe this is more of a personal issue. I am outspoken regarding social issues. My partner shares my beliefs in a much more personal matter. His view is that everyone is entitled to hold their own beliefs. My view is that people should be verbal when other's beliefs are harmful.

You're wrong, quite frankly. You sound like an immature 20-something who's recently decided on a viewpoint and wants to share this fantastic viewpoint with the world. Her praying to Jesus for you to get pregnant, get the job you want, learn to love Jesus and accept him into your heart at your one true savior, or get over your cold before your vacation will not harm anyone.

OP here. When people are bigoted, I feel that is harmful. When people think I lack morals bc I don't believe in a religion, I do think that is harmful. Maybe I should reiterate, I would never bring this up as a topic. She prays and makes many mentions of god and the like. I have no problem in that. I can foresee her making a judgemental and rude comment regarding those who don't believe. My question, which I should have been more clear on, is "Do I mention that I am an atheist IF she makes a condesending, rude comment?".

Again, I do find it harmful to be inaccurately judged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think your first priority is getting on the same page with your partner in regards to how you two will handle issues with each other's parents.

For the most part we are on the same page. I believe this is more of a personal issue. I am outspoken regarding social issues. My partner shares my beliefs in a much more personal matter. His view is that everyone is entitled to hold their own beliefs. My view is that people should be verbal when other's beliefs are harmful.

You're wrong, quite frankly. You sound like an immature 20-something who's recently decided on a viewpoint and wants to share this fantastic viewpoint with the world. Her praying to Jesus for you to get pregnant, get the job you want, learn to love Jesus and accept him into your heart at your one true savior, or get over your cold before your vacation will not harm anyone.

Agree that her praying for those things will not harm anyone. However, making snide remarks about the beliefs of others is not okay.

If a family member was making snide remarks about gay people and I was gay, I would tell them that their remarks were hurtful to me. Honestly, though, OP, there is not much to be gained by starting a fight about this. It'll make it about your beliefs vs. her beliefs. I would just tell her that you do not share her opinion about other religions and would prefer to talk about other things so as to avoid an unpleasant disagreement.

MIL HAS NOT SAID A WORD. The only one being "harmful" is OP who is assuming that MIL will say something snide just due to the fact that she is religious. I love the Lord, but I don't go around making snide remarks about people who don't. I only make snide remarks about people who arrogantly make dumb-ass assumptions about sh** that has not even happened. Honestly, I question OP's fiancee's judgement picking this one who seems to be begging for a fight with his mom.

OP here. I am far from begging for a fight. She makes religious comments all the time, to each their own! She is also quite condescending and rude. If she never says anything, great! She knows I don't share her beliefs and I'm sure it will be a discussion when children enter the picture. IF she makes a remark about lack of morals or something like that, would it be appropriate to respond, in a kind and gentle way?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:smile and nod. As a very religious person myself I would never allow my child to marry or be a non beliver. I would make your life HELL if I knew you didnt believe and you were going to marry my son.

You're an idiot!

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't tell her-- then she'll just be on your case trying to "save" you (or just trying to give you a hard time).

If she asks outright if you believe, that's a different story and you'll have to either tell the truth or say something cagey.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think your first priority is getting on the same page with your partner in regards to how you two will handle issues with each other's parents.

For the most part we are on the same page. I believe this is more of a personal issue. I am outspoken regarding social issues. My partner shares my beliefs in a much more personal matter. His view is that everyone is entitled to hold their own beliefs. My view is that people should be verbal when other's beliefs are harmful.

You're wrong, quite frankly. You sound like an immature 20-something who's recently decided on a viewpoint and wants to share this fantastic viewpoint with the world. Her praying to Jesus for you to get pregnant, get the job you want, learn to love Jesus and accept him into your heart at your one true savior, or get over your cold before your vacation will not harm anyone.

OP here. When people are bigoted, I feel that is harmful. When people think I lack morals bc I don't believe in a religion, I do think that is harmful. Maybe I should reiterate, I would never bring this up as a topic. She prays and makes many mentions of god and the like. I have no problem in that. I can foresee her making a judgemental and rude comment regarding those who don't believe. My question, which I should have been more clear on, is "Do I mention that I am an atheist IF she makes a condesending, rude comment?".

Again, I do find it harmful to be inaccurately judged.

Aren't you in accurately judging her for something she has not done?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:smile and nod. As a very religious person myself I would never allow my child to marry or be a non beliver. I would make your life HELL if I knew you didnt believe and you were going to marry my son.

Drive that wedge and their wedding might be the last time you see your son regularly for a long, long while. She would probably let him call you on Mother's Day after the kids are in bed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As much as I'd prefer my children not marry unbelievers, I'd be more upset if I was unaware that their partner was an atheist. I think that's grounds for future mistrust.

OP here. These are exactly the type of assumptions about non-believers that I am talking about. Could you please explain in more detail what you mean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think your first priority is getting on the same page with your partner in regards to how you two will handle issues with each other's parents.

For the most part we are on the same page. I believe this is more of a personal issue. I am outspoken regarding social issues. My partner shares my beliefs in a much more personal matter. His view is that everyone is entitled to hold their own beliefs. My view is that people should be verbal when other's beliefs are harmful.

You're wrong, quite frankly. You sound like an immature 20-something who's recently decided on a viewpoint and wants to share this fantastic viewpoint with the world. Her praying to Jesus for you to get pregnant, get the job you want, learn to love Jesus and accept him into your heart at your one true savior, or get over your cold before your vacation will not harm anyone.

Agree that her praying for those things will not harm anyone. However, making snide remarks about the beliefs of others is not okay.

If a family member was making snide remarks about gay people and I was gay, I would tell them that their remarks were hurtful to me. Honestly, though, OP, there is not much to be gained by starting a fight about this. It'll make it about your beliefs vs. her beliefs. I would just tell her that you do not share her opinion about other religions and would prefer to talk about other things so as to avoid an unpleasant disagreement.

MIL HAS NOT SAID A WORD. The only one being "harmful" is OP who is assuming that MIL will say something snide just due to the fact that she is religious. I love the Lord, but I don't go around making snide remarks about people who don't. I only make snide remarks about people who arrogantly make dumb-ass assumptions about sh** that has not even happened. Honestly, I question OP's fiancee's judgement picking this one who seems to be begging for a fight with his mom.

OP here. I am far from begging for a fight. She makes religious comments all the time, to each their own! She is also quite condescending and rude. If she never says anything, great! She knows I don't share her beliefs and I'm sure it will be a discussion when children enter the picture. IF she makes a remark about lack of morals or something like that, would it be appropriate to respond, in a kind and gentle way?

HUH?
I thought the whole point was that she does not know?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think your first priority is getting on the same page with your partner in regards to how you two will handle issues with each other's parents.

For the most part we are on the same page. I believe this is more of a personal issue. I am outspoken regarding social issues. My partner shares my beliefs in a much more personal matter. His view is that everyone is entitled to hold their own beliefs. My view is that people should be verbal when other's beliefs are harmful.

You're wrong, quite frankly. You sound like an immature 20-something who's recently decided on a viewpoint and wants to share this fantastic viewpoint with the world. Her praying to Jesus for you to get pregnant, get the job you want, learn to love Jesus and accept him into your heart at your one true savior, or get over your cold before your vacation will not harm anyone.

OP here. When people are bigoted, I feel that is harmful. When people think I lack morals bc I don't believe in a religion, I do think that is harmful. Maybe I should reiterate, I would never bring this up as a topic. She prays and makes many mentions of god and the like. I have no problem in that. I can foresee her making a judgemental and rude comment regarding those who don't believe. My question, which I should have been more clear on, is "Do I mention that I am an atheist IF she makes a condesending, rude comment?".

Again, I do find it harmful to be inaccurately judged.

Aren't you in accurately judging her for something she has not done?

Again, OP said "IF/WHEN." No judgement was made. The fact that she hasn't made the remark is IMPLIED under "if/when."