Tell future MIL I'm an atheist?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I want to clarify a couple things. I do not care that she is religious and have zero intent to change her beliefs. She is the type to judge others based on her belief system. I have yet to say a single word of opposition to her. Obviously religion will be brought up with children. She knows we are having a non-religious ceremony. My partner doesn't share my beliefs, but is not a religious person himself. We are content with each other's beliefs and how to raise our children. We are in our 30's and 40's and I am not concerned that we will have any issues with each other moving forward.

My question remains the same. If, and only if, she makes a rude remark regarding the morals, for example, of a non-believer, do I kindly say something? I could possibly say, "Well, I don't hold any beliefs in a higher power, yet I have a stong belief in doing the right thing. In fact, my morals line up very similarly to your sons." I would leave it at that. That is just an example. I am not looking for trouble. If she said gay people were going to hell, I would not respond even though I disagree on so many levels. Hopefully this will never be am issue, but I am simply questioning what to do IF it ever is.

So you would stand up for yourself, but not for others? Not so impressive. Personally, I wouldn't "out" myself in that situation. I would say, "Mary, I don't think it's true that atheists have no morals. I personally know many who are honest, kind, good people with a strong moral code. I don't think it's right to make assumptions about people like that." Of course, I'm not gay, but I would also respond if she said that gay people were going to hell. "Mary, that's an awful thing to say. I have friends who are gay, who have shown me great kindness when I needed it. Plus, I'm pretty sure the Bible says 'judge not, lest ye be judged."

OP here. I think there is a difference between saying gays are disgusting and gays are going to hell. One is an attack on a person, while the other is a direct reference to the bible and religious beliefs. My point was that I have no interest getting into a religious battle. Also, I was with a female for 6 years, so this would be a direct attack.

[Anonymous]

It's not that I don't believe atheists CAN be moral people. I'm sure they are as capable of it as any believers. The problem for me is that the majority of atheists I know in real life are people who are former believers who now feel that anything goes. This goes for the atheists I know who are from non-Abrahamic religions as well.
I think I might find myself on more moral common ground with someone raised as an ethical atheist from birth than the person who cast off their beliefs because they felt their behavior was constrained by it.

[Anonymous]

Agree with smile and nod crowd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not that I don't believe atheists CAN be moral people. I'm sure they are as capable of it as any believers. The problem for me is that the majority of atheists I know in real life are people who are former believers who now feel that anything goes. This goes for the atheists I know who are from non-Abrahamic religions as well.
I think I might find myself on more moral common ground with someone raised as an ethical atheist from birth than the person who cast off their beliefs because they felt their behavior was constrained by it.

And you don't know any 'believers' who think 'anything goes'? Belivers all live moral lives. Beilevers become atheists because they don't want their behavior constrained by religion. Do you realize how stupid your assumptions are?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not that I don't believe atheists CAN be moral people. I'm sure they are as capable of it as any believers. The problem for me is that the majority of atheists I know in real life are people who are former believers who now feel that anything goes. This goes for the atheists I know who are from non-Abrahamic religions as well.
I think I might find myself on more moral common ground with someone raised as an ethical atheist from birth than the person who cast off their beliefs because they felt their behavior was constrained by it.

And you don't know any 'believers' who think 'anything goes'? Belivers all live moral lives. Beilevers become atheists because they don't want their behavior constrained by religion. Do you realize how stupid your assumptions are?

Calling someone's thinking "stupid" in a post about your atheist morals? Yay you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not that I don't believe atheists CAN be moral people. I'm sure they are as capable of it as any believers. The problem for me is that the majority of atheists I know in real life are people who are former believers who now feel that anything goes. This goes for the atheists I know who are from non-Abrahamic religions as well.
I think I might find myself on more moral common ground with someone raised as an ethical atheist from birth than the person who cast off their beliefs because they felt their behavior was constrained by it.

The stereotype that people give up on religion so they might live a wild, unruly life is a myth that comes from your church. What else would you expect? Nobody is going to give a sermon describing those of us who simply.never.believed. and grew tired of faking it. Better to paint us as pitiful hedonists, in hopes that no other lukewarm members follow us out.

[Anonymous]

Believers tend to be the wild, unruly "anything goes" types because they believe in the end all is forgiven. Non-believers tend to have a greater sense of responsibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:...

I pretty much agree with the PP who said that being a non-believer is one thing, but keeping one's atheism a secret is another thing that is more distancing and would contribute to a loss of trust. ...

Also, I do not see a need to tell her I am an atheist as I'm sure it would be viewed as though I was trying to build a barrier. I don't feel that religious talk needs to be discussed with her unless absolutely necessary, such as it involving my children. I also do not understand your distinction between an atheist and a non-believer. I tend to use those terms interchangeably.

I'm the one to whom you were responding a few pages back. I was trying to use the terms interchangeably, too. Sorry if that wasn't clear. I just didn't want to use the same term twice in one sentence, but I could have written "... being an atheist is one thing, but keeping one's atheism a secret is another thing..." or "... being a non-believer is one thing, but keeping one's lack of belief a secret is another thing..." I was trying to emphasize that the bigger problem is the secrecy not the difference in belief system.

Also I'm glad that, in spite of skepticism from at least one poster, some others on this thread have validated the negative experience we've had of being given the impression by some Catholics, including at least one priest, that non-Catholics were missing out on the road to salvation. It is possible that I overstated it by saying that the priest was implying that non-Catholics were heading to hell, but he sure as, um, "heck" made it seem as if only Catholics were headed to heaven (and he wasn't talking about a middle ground).