Is it right to cheat if you get cheated on?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can certainly see why you'd want to take your revenge in that way. Personally, though, I'd rather dump the guy (if the marriage was, in fact, broken) and then do whatever the hell I wanted with whoever the hell I wanted. Because when you're single, you can do that.

So if the marriage is not broken then divorce should be avoided? i don't think people should take into account whether the marriage is broken or not. The thing is he/she was cheating on you, lying and betraying you. Just because the marriage was good and the cheater is a nice person doesn't change the fact what they have been doing. The pain, anger, etc is still there.
I don't care if the person has been nice to me if he cheats he will get it back.

Cheating isn't a deal breaker for a lot of people.

You control your own behavior. It doesn't make your cheating any less wrong.

[Anonymous]

No, I would not engage in revenge cheating.

I can't imagine a man I would cheat with. I have to at least like and respect anyone I'm with romanticly, and I just couldn't like or respect someone who would be with a married woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH here: I wouldn't cheat for vindictive purposes, but if my DW cheated on me, a condition of reconciliation would be that I get one hall pass for each of her past OMs, to be redeemed on a don't ask, don't tell basis.

So she can sit and wonder every time your gone if you're fucking someone else? Can you explain how that's not vindictive?

Well, I am assuming that she'd rather not know the particulars, so rubbing her face in them seems to me even more vindictive. I suspect she would allow herself to believe that I was not taking advantage of those opportunities. But I simply couldn't remain married to someone who had been unfaithful and enjoyed non-monogamous sex but wanted to deny me the same opportunity. If that didn't work for her we could go our separate ways.

This, and I'm a woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can certainly see why you'd want to take your revenge in that way. Personally, though, I'd rather dump the guy (if the marriage was, in fact, broken) and then do whatever the hell I wanted with whoever the hell I wanted. Because when you're single, you can do that.

So if the marriage is not broken then divorce should be avoided? i don't think people should take into account whether the marriage is broken or not. The thing is he/she was cheating on you, lying and betraying you. Just because the marriage was good and the cheater is a nice person doesn't change the fact what they have been doing. The pain, anger, etc is still there.
I don't care if the person has been nice to me if he cheats he will get it back.

Cheating isn't a deal breaker for a lot of people.

You control your own behavior. It doesn't make your cheating any less wrong.

Of course not, but at least the cheater will get hit with his own medicine. I love it when the cheater gets cheated on. Marriage it's not an excuse if one of the partners has already broken their vows. No need to play the holy one. I would be god damn stupid if i would waste money on counseling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can certainly see why you'd want to take your revenge in that way. Personally, though, I'd rather dump the guy (if the marriage was, in fact, broken) and then do whatever the hell I wanted with whoever the hell I wanted. Because when you're single, you can do that.

So if the marriage is not broken then divorce should be avoided? i don't think people should take into account whether the marriage is broken or not. The thing is he/she was cheating on you, lying and betraying you. Just because the marriage was good and the cheater is a nice person doesn't change the fact what they have been doing. The pain, anger, etc is still there.
I don't care if the person has been nice to me if he cheats he will get it back.

Cheating isn't a deal breaker for a lot of people.

You control your own behavior. It doesn't make your cheating any less wrong.

Of course not, but at least the cheater will get hit with his own medicine. I love it when the cheater gets cheated on. Marriage it's not an excuse if one of the partners has already broken their vows. No need to play the holy one. I would be god damn stupid if i would waste money on counseling.

I would have a hard time dealing with the guilt if I engaged in revenge cheating. You do whatever makes you feel good.

[Anonymous]

I probably would but not a revenge cheating but a let's separate and while I am deciding, I get to date. Lots of people on DCUM seem to say that cheating does not automatically equal divorce and they choose to stay with spouse due to finances, young kids whatever. However, for me personally to even consider staying married, I would need an equal opportunity to date and not only get to have sex with someone other than my spouse (as spouse got to do) but basically get to rethink if I still want to be with DH in general and over who else may be out there. Maybe the sex may be better with so done else. !aybe I have more in common with someone else. Once you open Pandora's box ...

I've heard read once you agree to stay after infidelity, you can't keep throwing it up in your partner's face. For me to let it go, I would need to feel like I had power in the relationship too and I had the opportunity to have sex/intimacy with someone other than my spouse AND then if we still thought we should/could stay married, I would be in a place where that might be possible. This all assumed the spouse wanted to still stay in the marriage and I thought it may be worth staying married. If I know we are going to divorce for sure, cheating seems pointless since it will all be above board soon enough and divorce proceedings without the extra drama can be difficult.

[Anonymous]

Dear Prudence once had a situation like this. The writer was a woman who had an affair with an old HS boyfriend. The husband found out, left, and even though she begged for forgiveness, he would only go back to her if they had an open marriage because he could never fully trust her.

I am a man and in this case, might go back, but would never agree to an open marriage because it is much easier for a woman to find a sex partner than a man. But, if the opportunity came up to cheat, I would probably feel a lot less guilty about it if I decided to go through.

[Anonymous]

Just get divorced. I've been a member of SurvivingInfidelity.com for over a year now, and I find myself reading post after post of people who are still trying to cope with it in their 4th, 5th, or 6th year of "reconciliation." And, those are just the people who say it only happened once. I can't imagine what you have to go through if it went on for years.

Cheating in response to it will not ease your hurt in the slightest. You'll get a mild high from it, but you'll crash further down once you realize that nothing you do will make you feel better.

[Anonymous]

What a dumb question.

[Anonymous]

Cheating on a cheater will just encourage them to cheat more. Stalemate at best.

[Anonymous]

Male cheating is no big deal (no risk of paternity fraud). Wives should actually be flattered their husbands are in demand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Male cheating is no big deal (no risk of paternity fraud). Wives should actually be flattered their husbands are in demand.

No, this is wrong. The society has changed.

[Anonymous]

Well they say "Two wrongs do not make a right." I say, "Hmmph!"

Sure, in theory.

But sometimes people need a taste of their own medicine in order to stop their evil ways.

Or sometimes people in relationships need to even the score.

So it all depends on the value systems of the parties involved.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ideally if you find out you have been cheated on, the best solution is to leave the person and move on.

But human nature is human nature, right (?) and no one is perfect and pride is a very precious thing to many of us and once someone destroys it, the cost can be very high.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Male cheating is no big deal (no risk of paternity fraud). Wives should actually be flattered their husbands are in demand.

^^This is ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I probably would but not a revenge cheating but a let's separate and while I am deciding, I get to date. Lots of people on DCUM seem to say that cheating does not automatically equal divorce and they choose to stay with spouse due to finances, young kids whatever. However, for me personally to even consider staying married, I would need an equal opportunity to date and not only get to have sex with someone other than my spouse (as spouse got to do) but basically get to rethink if I still want to be with DH in general and over who else may be out there. Maybe the sex may be better with so done else. !aybe I have more in common with someone else. Once you open Pandora's box ...

I've heard read once you agree to stay after infidelity, you can't keep throwing it up in your partner's face. For me to let it go, I would need to feel like I had power in the relationship too and I had the opportunity to have sex/intimacy with someone other than my spouse AND then if we still thought we should/could stay married, I would be in a place where that might be possible. This all assumed the spouse wanted to still stay in the marriage and I thought it may be worth staying married. If I know we are going to divorce for sure, cheating seems pointless since it will all be above board soon enough and divorce proceedings without the extra drama can be difficult.

For whatever reason, this scenario is hot.