Can a little cheating actually SAVE a marriage?

[Anonymous]

i think this probably happens way more than anyone would care to admit. after all, they do keep the prostitutes in business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It works for me. My husband gives me a lot of space and let's me do what I want. I put up with a sexless relationship for about 5 years. We are MUCH happier now.

19:13 there's no point in arguing this with people that are so resolute in their ideas of right and right. Few things in life are black & white. They will never see that on this particular topic.

So your DH apparently agrees that you can have sex outside the marriage. That's not AT ALL the same thing as what 19:13 is advocating. He is suggesting that secret affairs make his marriage happy, but seems to acknowledge that his wife's finding out what blow the whole thing up (thus his denials that she will ever learn). That's underhanded and a violation of his wedding vows.

And yes, your wedding vows ARE black and white. If you didn't want to take them, you didn't have to. Be a grown-up and a person of integrity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Strange how couples will put up with all sorts of emotional abuse and mistreatment but when it gets to cheating, it is a deal breaker.

Totally agree. I'd rather my husband cheat on me than call me names. His constant name-calling for years should have been a deal breaker for me and I am having a hard time getting past it and not sure I will. I think it would have been much easier had he cheated.

[Anonymous]

For those who say that having an affair is breaking one's marriage vows, isn't the very act of getting a divorce also breaking the vows?

A couple marries for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer ....... as long as they shall live. So what justification is there for getting divorce assuming that one's marriage vows are sacrosanct?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I do and DW will never find out. It has worked wonders for our relationship.

Yes she will and she and the kids will hate you, you weasel.

You're also a coward, or as Dan Savage would say, a CPOS.

Been doing so for the best part of ten years. So when I say she will not find out, I know she will not.

Like it or not, it helps our marriage. I'd probably not stay married if I did not do so.

Then get a divorce, coward. Try to face life without your security blanket of a wife.

You are an idiot. Our marriage is intact, our children have parents who are together and happy. So it would be better for them to have a broken home?

So that's your excuse? You really are pathetic and insecure. Why else would you continue arguing on this thread with a total stranger. First, you want to brag. Then a total stranger on the internet questions you, then you get reactive. Man, you're a nutcase.

The topic is whether cheating can save a marriage. I am telling you that it has saved our marriage. What is pathetic and insecure about acknowledging what it has done for our marriage? I have not commented on the number of partners or any details other than to admit to having done so and that it has helped our marriage immeasurably.

maybe working on your relationship with your wife would have helped too, and now you would have a stronger marriage. also she has found out yet, it does not mean she is not going to. if anything, you are at the mercy of the other woman/women (that happened to a couple my parents knew, he had affairs and the wife never found out, until one of the other women decided to start calling him at home - at that point he not only had to face an angry wife, but also two very angry teenage daughters)

[Anonymous]

To those who are so critical of cheating in a marriage, if it really has the effect of strengthening or even saving a marriage, is this not a desirable outcome?

[Anonymous]

I think it could. If my husband cheated on me even once a year and I never knew about it, no harm done. Ideally it would be someone he had an agreement with. If it's not affecting our home life and I had no idea it's happening, it's not hurting me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those who say that having an affair is breaking one's marriage vows, isn't the very act of getting a divorce also breaking the vows?

A couple marries for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer ....... as long as they shall live. So what justification is there for getting divorce assuming that one's marriage vows are sacrosanct?

The deafening sound of silence ............

[Anonymous]

"Cheating" is just the "new normal". Live with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Cheating" is just the "new normal". Live with it.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It works for me. My husband gives me a lot of space and let's me do what I want. I put up with a sexless relationship for about 5 years. We are MUCH happier now.

19:13 there's no point in arguing this with people that are so resolute in their ideas of right and right. Few things in life are black & white. They will never see that on this particular topic.

So your DH apparently agrees that you can have sex outside the marriage. That's not AT ALL the same thing as what 19:13 is advocating. He is suggesting that secret affairs make his marriage happy, but seems to acknowledge that his wife's finding out what blow the whole thing up (thus his denials that she will ever learn). That's underhanded and a violation of his wedding vows.

And yes, your wedding vows ARE black and white. If you didn't want to take them, you didn't have to. Be a grown-up and a person of integrity.

You actually have no clue what was in my wedding vows. Regardless, my husband did not give me explicit permission to have sex with other people, but he also doesn't question when I'm gone overnight. Of course I'm not going to throw anything in his face. He doesn't ask and I don't tell. I fully understand this would not work for the vast majority of couples, but it does very well for us. Everyone is happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do and DW will never find out. It has worked wonders for our relationship.

Yes she will and she and the kids will hate you, you weasel.

You're also a coward, or as Dan Savage would say, a CPOS.

Been doing so for the best part of ten years. So when I say she will not find out, I know she will not.

Like it or not, it helps our marriage. I'd probably not stay married if I did not do so.

Same here. My rule is never with anyone where we live = only on business trips.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those who say that having an affair is breaking one's marriage vows, isn't the very act of getting a divorce also breaking the vows?

A couple marries for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer ....... as long as they shall live. So what justification is there for getting divorce assuming that one's marriage vows are sacrosanct?

You win.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those who say that having an affair is breaking one's marriage vows, isn't the very act of getting a divorce also breaking the vows?

A couple marries for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer ....... as long as they shall live. So what justification is there for getting divorce assuming that one's marriage vows are sacrosanct?

Therein lies the hypocrisy and selectivity!

Just look at this forum and see the types of issues that people complain about in their relationships. Some are serious and others are trivial but there is not a lot of hesitation in urging the one complaining (usually a woman) to end the marriage. Now whatever became of those sacred vows that are thrown at the "cheater" when it comes to other issues? How often do you see someone posting that those marriage vows likely included staying together "as long as they shall live" irrespective of the ups and downs in a marriage and irrespective of the failings of a spouse?

[Anonymous]

Is fingering cheating?