I met someone online

[Anonymous]

I don't know yet but it will be at a Midscale restaurant for dinner and drinks

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know yet but it will be at a Midscale restaurant for dinner and drinks

Dinner and drinks, I'd go with a nice dress. Nothing to revealing and wear comfortable shoes.

Then again, I'm 43 yo DH so wtf do I know?

[Anonymous]

Just go thru with it and get the damn date over with if for no other reason than to put an end to the madness. Right now you're overwrought with anxiety because of uncertainty - if you chicken out on the date you'll be even MORE overwrought with anxiety because of uncertainty.
Meet the guy see what happens...he likes you, he doesn't like you, he's a jerk, you're not as into him as you thought...whatever the outcome take comfort in the fact that you finally know something for sure and no longer have to continue stressing about uncertainties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know yet but it will be at a Midscale restaurant for dinner and drinks

Dinner and drinks, I'd go with a nice dress. Nothing to revealing and wear comfortable shoes.

Then again, I'm 43 yo DH so wtf do I know?

I was thinking a black dress (not too formal) with boots ? I'm early 30s, he's early 40s

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just go thru with it and get the damn date over with if for no other reason than to put an end to the madness. Right now you're overwrought with anxiety because of uncertainty - if you chicken out on the date you'll be even MORE overwrought with anxiety because of uncertainty.
Meet the guy see what happens...he likes you, he doesn't like you, he's a jerk, you're not as into him as you thought...whatever the outcome take comfort in the fact that you finally know something for sure and no longer have to continue stressing about uncertainties.

Lol I agree. I need to get it over with. I just hate first dates especially when u ve never met the person. It rarely goes as expected

[Anonymous]

He hasn't even met you, so even if you're uncomfortable with the recent weight gain, he's not going to be. If he likes you, he likes you.

I've been 20 lbs lighter than I am now, and have lost 10 lbs. since meeting my BF (early 40s, but what else do I call him?). He has always liked my butt -- crazy, but true. This thing is not small even 20 lbs. lighter. I'm very aware of trying to lose weight, but BF could care less.


Like you, I am/was self-conscious about it...but I always wear clothes that fit, look nice and even when I didn't feel confident, I faked it. That is what men have typically found attractive. In the end, your potential date wants a kind (so many men use this adjective), smiley, positive, engaging woman. If you have a good personality, it may be you who doesn't like him, rather than vice versa. Unless you don't have any clothes that fit properly, I would not buy anything new. Save that for a great second or third date. First dates, low expectations, even if all signs say otherwise. You don't want to be disappointed.

I'm a jeans, heels, cute shirt type of woman. But I remember seeing a story about what guys prefer -- always feminine and a dress or skirt. In summer, I'm much more likely to do a casual dress...but in winter, the dress and boots thing is good, or dressy pants/jeans. I don't think the "what" matters as much as you appear overall.

[Anonymous]

20 lbs is not a lot! Wear a flattering outfit, maybe heels or high heeled boots w/jeans. Don't overthink it

[Anonymous]

Guy here...I didn't bother to read all the replies yet, but here's my two thoughts:

First, snarky: stop trying to find someone else who will like you until you like yourself. When you can be in a happy relationship with yourself, then you can be in a happy relationship with someone else.

Ok, now the more practical/realistic: chill out and go. Most guys know from the head-only shot that a) we're not seeing your whole body for a reason, and b) that you aren't one of those tooth-pick, super-fit types (based on facial "fat"). And you know what? Lots of us are more attracted to your body type anyway, so chill out, let him see you and like you for who you are, not who you want to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know yet but it will be at a Midscale restaurant for dinner and drinks

Dinner and drinks, I'd go with a nice dress. Nothing to revealing and wear comfortable shoes.

Then again, I'm 43 yo DH so wtf do I know?

I was thinking a black dress (not too formal) with boots ? I'm early 30s, he's early 40s

That sounds fine. Just wear shoes that are comfortable. I swear to God he won't notice your shoes unless they get in the way of a long walk or some other activity. Seriously, just relax and be yourself, albeit with your best foot forward- don't fart in front of him yet. But if he's my age, I'm sure he's got a couple extra pounds himself and probably thrilled to go on a date with someone 10 years younger.

[Anonymous]

Ah, online dating is so hard! Just put on something you like wearing and go on your date. Don't cancel. (And try not to set your expectations so high that you are going to be really sad if the date isn't perfect.)

And post an update!

[Anonymous]

Odds are that he already knows you are slightly over weight from just face pics. Most of the time, someone can tell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He hasn't even met you, so even if you're uncomfortable with the recent weight gain, he's not going to be. If he likes you, he likes you.

I've been 20 lbs lighter than I am now, and have lost 10 lbs. since meeting my BF (early 40s, but what else do I call him?). He has always liked my butt -- crazy, but true. This thing is not small even 20 lbs. lighter. I'm very aware of trying to lose weight, but BF could care less.


Like you, I am/was self-conscious about it...but I always wear clothes that fit, look nice and even when I didn't feel confident, I faked it. That is what men have typically found attractive. In the end, your potential date wants a kind (so many men use this adjective), smiley, positive, engaging woman. If you have a good personality, it may be you who doesn't like him, rather than vice versa. Unless you don't have any clothes that fit properly, I would not buy anything new. Save that for a great second or third date. First dates, low expectations, even if all signs say otherwise. You don't want to be disappointed.

I'm a jeans, heels, cute shirt type of woman. But I remember seeing a story about what guys prefer -- always feminine and a dress or skirt. In summer, I'm much more likely to do a casual dress...but in winter, the dress and boots thing is good, or dressy pants/jeans. I don't think the "what" matters as much as you appear overall.

Thank you for sharing, that's helpful!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Odds are that he already knows you are slightly over weight from just face pics. Most of the time, someone can tell.

You actually can't tell from my face, I have one of those skinny faces….

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know yet but it will be at a Midscale restaurant for dinner and drinks

Dinner and drinks, I'd go with a nice dress. Nothing to revealing and wear comfortable shoes.

Then again, I'm 43 yo DH so wtf do I know?

I was thinking a black dress (not too formal) with boots ? I'm early 30s, he's early 40s

That sounds fine. Just wear shoes that are comfortable. I swear to God he won't notice your shoes unless they get in the way of a long walk or some other activity. Seriously, just relax and be yourself, albeit with your best foot forward- don't fart in front of him yet. But if he's my age, I'm sure he's got a couple extra pounds himself and probably thrilled to go on a date with someone 10 years younger.

Yeh, i will remember to wear comfortable shoes He is very fit actually, works out hours/day

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Guy here...I didn't bother to read all the replies yet, but here's my two thoughts:

First, snarky: stop trying to find someone else who will like you until you like yourself. When you can be in a happy relationship with yourself, then you can be in a happy relationship with someone else.

Ok, now the more practical/realistic: chill out and go. Most guys know from the head-only shot that a) we're not seeing your whole body for a reason, and b) that you aren't one of those tooth-pick, super-fit types (based on facial "fat"). And you know what? Lots of us are more attracted to your body type anyway, so chill out, let him see you and like you for who you are, not who you want to be.

Thanks for the confidence boost