Advice me please, should i search room?

[Anonymous]

Yep, search his room. There should be no expectation of privacy in your home when he has shown he cannot be trusted.

Also, I would do phone/computer checks. I check my children's phones once or twice a month. Unannounced, and they must hand over the phone or laptop immediately so my husband or I can read the history and messages. No privacy in this home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yep, search his room. There should be no expectation of privacy in your home when he has shown he cannot be trusted.

Also, I would do phone/computer checks. I check my children's phones once or twice a month. Unannounced, and they must hand over the phone or laptop immediately so my husband or I can read the history and messages. No privacy in this home.

I totally agree. We check rooms, phones, computers and they know we will. We reserve the right to randomly drug test. Addiction runs in my family. It's heartbreaking when parents turn a blind eye. While I am sure they don't like these rules, I think inside them they know that we do it because we love them. I started that message at a young age with my kids. "Yes it would be easier for me to let you eat junk food all day long, but I don't because it is my JOB as a parent to help you eat healthy food and learn good choices both because it is my job and because I love you." They seem to get it.

[Anonymous]

Also search other siblings rooms. My brother used to hide his drugs in my room after getting caught. Pot can be a gateway drug. My brother is a recovering addict. Second the suggestion to read Beautiful Boy, also the related book written by the son. I cant recall the name.

[Anonymous]

The other book is tweak. Really tough read but important I would read Beautiful Boy first.

[Anonymous]

Yes I remember being a kid. There was no expectation for privacy until I moved out and could support myself. This was made clear to me and clear to my kids. That is why I hid my weed in a bush outside.

[Anonymous]

I'd tell him that if I found it on him or in hise room again that I would call the police and have him arrested. Trust me he won't do it again especially if you are serious.

[Anonymous]

A friend of mine did that with her teenage son who was arrested for smoking pot. He did it again and she placed him in juvie for 9 months. IT worked and he turned his life around for the better.

[Anonymous]

We are dealing with a similar situation with our 15 and 17 yo girls. We check their rooms periodically. We still find things on occasion. You have to be vigilant. Go with your gut.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely search the room. With the obvious exception of respecting modesty and teaching appropriate boundaries in that regard, I don’t believe that minors can or should have an absolute expectation of privacy within their parent or guardian’s home, for at least two major reasons.

1. If it is in your home you are probably considered legally responsible for it. So, if you suspect that your child has cigarettes, drugs, stolen merchandise, or anything like that then you have a legal obligation in my opinion to find out for sure if it is there, get rid of it, and then help your child deal with his behavior.

2. Morally, I believe it is the obligation of parents and guardians to guide their children’s ethical development and ensure their safety if they are getting involved in risky behavior. Searching a child’s room if you suspect that their behavior seriously infringes on the family’s values or the law is a necessary but insufficient step in fulfilling this moral obligation. Then you have to deal with whatever you find and the underlying reasons your teen is doing whatever the risky behavior is.

Room inspections are an at least weekly, sometimes daily if needed, thing at my house.
- Is the bed made properly? It’s so much nicer and more inviting to go to bed if you’re getting into a freshly made bed.
- Is all of the kids’ stuff reasonably tidy? I have tried to teach the kids that we respect our belongings, and we show that by putting stuff away where it belongs. That also makes it much easier to find what we need when we need it, and prevents mom from breaking a toe trying to walk around a disaster area masquerading as a teen boy’s bedroom .
- Is the laundry in either the closet/dresser or the hamper? If it is not where it belongs, I do not want to hear it when you can’t find your favorite skirt the day after laundry day.
- Is there any food in the bedrooms? There had better not be any food in there – last year we found out we had a mouse. Ugh. If there is any food in there, it needs to go to the kitchen right now, and the kid in question is on extended dish/kitchen duty until the message of where we keep food (kitchen/dining room not upstairs!) has sunken in again.
- Has the dusting, vacuuming, and trash removal been kept up with? One family member has asthma, and several others probably have seasonal allergies, so dust and the like is the enemy. And if I didn't mandate taking out the trash on schedule, it would multiply until it took over the entire room for at least one of the kids...

Since that’s the way it has pretty much always been, I don’t think the kids find it all that strange. If we had some sort of suspicion that something concerning was going on, it would be an easy decision to just intensify the existing room inspection to look for whatever inappropriate items we thought were in there. If something violates our family’s values or the law, it is not welcome in this house; if the kids do not show our family unit the basic respect of not bringing home that sort of stuff, then they have temporarily forfeited the right to the amount of privacy that they have shown themselves unable to handle. Privacy and privileges go hand in hand with trust, so in our family you receive the amount of each that you have earned based on our ability to trust you and your judgement.

[Anonymous]

Wow, great parenting advice given on this thread. I second the read "Beautiful Boy" and "Tweak". They were both shocking and very depressing but necessary read for parents.

[Anonymous]

The OP found weed and a bong but did the son find hers?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like your gut is telling you you should. Don't worry about him "hating" you. Be the parent, not the friend.

Explain to him that because he's broken your trust you may search his room/car/locker whatever from time to time because that is your job as the parent. Then do so.

+1

++ I agree.

+3. Exactly this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - slightly off topic, but I located weed and vaporizer in my DC's room recently. I have it in a bag in my closet and I'm not sure of the best way dispose of it. Did you just throw it out in the garbage?

Smoke it?

[Anonymous]

Yes. You absolutely need to check. My sympathies. This is one of my fears as a parent. Although I never smoked up during college, i saw tons of kids doing it. Worry that my kids may fall into this habit once they leave home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:just send him to University of Colorado at Boulder. Beautiful campus and legal pot.

Don't! My pot head nephew is now heroine addict after attending there. Sad story. Perfect SAT math. This is serious. Read beautiful boy ASAP and yes search room. gL!

The Gateway Drug myth is exactly that.