Advice me please, should i search room?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Room inspections are an at least weekly, sometimes daily if needed, thing at my house.

Holy shit, I would have run away from home if you were my mom.

Thank you for the feedback. That is concerning to me, as it is not at all the atmosphere I want, so I might have to reevaluate what I’m doing here. Could I ask you for your thoughts and advice?

I don’t have teens yet (there’s a typo in my post and ‘teen’ should have read ‘tween boy’s room’, so maybe expectations change as you get older and this will no longer be appropriate soon, or maybe my use of the phrase “room inspection” caused you to think this is far more than what I mean it as. I don’t ever search their things, but I do spend somewhere in the neighborhood of thirty seconds to a minute glancing in the room to make sure the kids’ chores are done and there’s no food in there. I rarely have any problems that I deem significant enough to have them even go upstairs and redo part of the room that isn't tidy; I basically just want to see some semblance of order in there to show that they respect their stuff and to foster good organizational habits for as they get older.

I am honestly interested in your thoughts as to whether and why this is overbearing. I wouldn't want to ruin my relationship with my kids for anything, so even if I firmly believe that an orderly room/house helps lead to an orderly mind and a more peaceful life I would be willing to reconsider checking on their rooms each week if it is truly going to cause a huge problem.

If you don’t take a look in their rooms on a somewhat regular basis, how do you (or do you) verify that chores are being completed such as tidying up their space, vacuuming, and getting rid of the trash? Is this partial list of chores no longer appropriate for tween or teen aged kids, or should I simply be able to trust by now that they will do what they are expected to without me checking up on them?

Thanks in advance to anyone who shares their advice, I appreciate btdt wisdom.

Your clarification helps alot. I think kids should have personal space and parents should respect that. We also spend some time in the kids room, making sure things are up to the standards we expect and communicate to them. Now, if you've found drugs in your kid's room, that level of trust and privacy must change accordingly. But I think that kids have to be treated with respect and be able to earn (and lose) our trust. In my opinion, if micromanage everything they do they won't learn to make decisions on their own.

[Anonymous]

It always seemed to me that there was a chicken/egg problem with the idea that pot is a gateway drug. Absolutely true that addicts generally start with pot, but does that mean the pot led to the addiction? Or is it that a subset of people who smoke pot, for whatever reason, become addicts and if they hadn't started with pot, they might have kicked off with pills or cocaine or whatever? Most people who smoke pot don't go on the consumer harder drugs.

I don't smoke pot though I dabbled in my youth. I don't want my children to smoke pot though I know my teen has tried it, several times, but decided it wasn't for him and hasn't consumed it or any drugs in a long time. My inclination is to be anti-pot but I am curious to see how the legalization experiments go. This is a long way of saying I don't think I come from a place of bias when I say that I am skeptical about pot being a gateway drug.

[Anonymous]

I searched their rooms and their electronic devices. I found out they were not only smoking pot but they were also acting as a go between and obtaining pot for others. If you believe your teens are participating in high risk behaviors yes I do believe you have every right to search. Their were other behaviors that tipped us off but we did not have actual evidence until we searched.

[Anonymous]

I am a professional pot and bong confiscator, so if anything turns up go ahead and give me a call at 202-342-6708 and I will come and confiscate it.