Father intruding on babysitter's time with kids right now. What to do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, why do you write in the 3rd person?

Where are you? Why aren't you going to get the kids?

Third person? I. He. She. Not third person.

In other words, fuck you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hope everything turned out OK, OP.

Thank you for your kind thoughts. We'll see what he does with tomorrow.

Nearly two months ago, I sent my daughter off with him one morning and her hair was just past her shoulders. He returned her with hair that was crazy cut between a half inch and just over an inch. It was agonizing.

He is ENRAGED at my lack of need for him. If I had initiated a call, who knows where the situation would have gone. He is lashing back at the stability. Sure, I said yes when he asked for Saturday time, but then he messed around with letting me know when he'd actually show up. I eventually got a missed call near 11am. Nine o'clock is our usual pick up time.

Each Sunday, I have no idea IF he will pick them up or WHEN. Once they're gone, I have no clue when they'll be returned to me or in what condition.

Coming home at 8:30pm without being fed has happened. Same with no nap at 6:30pm. I just never know when/how/who is showing up on Sundays. Mr. "Reconciliation" or Mr. Warpath.

If I didn't think I'd go to hell for it, I'd turn him in for at least two federal offenses he's committed that I am aware and have proof of. Again, the retribution. And, the guilt of having taken their father away.

And, for those who aren't getting it, time with the babysitter is time that can be accounted for, the children are safe, with a vetted caregiver, and on schedule with their basic needs being met. No so with their father. One never ever knows what happens with him. And, he'll never tell me what they did on visitation day, only that/if they need to be fed or didn't nap, and only if I ask.

[Anonymous]

To clarify, the hair all over her head was .5 - 1.5" in length. It wasn't a trim. It was nearly a buzz cut.

[Anonymous]

Umm so you just let him sit there with your babysitter? That's a terrible way to treat someone.

OP, you really need to talk to your lawyer and/or a therapist. This dynamic that you are letting happen is INCREDIBLY unhealthy, not to mention dangerous.

Please, for the safety of your children and their babysitter, put some more thinking into this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hope everything turned out OK, OP.

Thank you for your kind thoughts. We'll see what he does with tomorrow.

Nearly two months ago, I sent my daughter off with him one morning and her hair was just past her shoulders. He returned her with hair that was crazy cut between a half inch and just over an inch. It was agonizing.

He is ENRAGED at my lack of need for him. If I had initiated a call, who knows where the situation would have gone. He is lashing back at the stability. Sure, I said yes when he asked for Saturday time, but then he messed around with letting me know when he'd actually show up. I eventually got a missed call near 11am. Nine o'clock is our usual pick up time.

Each Sunday, I have no idea IF he will pick them up or WHEN. Once they're gone, I have no clue when they'll be returned to me or in what condition.

Coming home at 8:30pm without being fed has happened. Same with no nap at 6:30pm. I just never know when/how/who is showing up on Sundays. Mr. "Reconciliation" or Mr. Warpath.

If I didn't think I'd go to hell for it, I'd turn him in for at least two federal offenses he's committed that I am aware and have proof of. Again, the retribution. And, the guilt of having taken their father away.

And, for those who aren't getting it, time with the babysitter is time that can be accounted for, the children are safe, with a vetted caregiver, and on schedule with their basic needs being met. No so with their father. One never ever knows what happens with him. And, he'll never tell me what they did on visitation day, only that/if they need to be fed or didn't nap, and only if I ask.

OP, if you and your children are living in fear and he is mistreating him, taking him out of the equation is not going to send you to hell. Send him to prison or at least use these to make sure he loses custody. I suspect you don't have enough to convict. But you need a good lawyer.

[Anonymous]

OP, let's look at the facts:


1. He freaked out the babysitter (btw did you do anything about this or did you just let it happen)
2. Your kid gladly let someone they didn't know (you yourself said it could have been anyone) give them an iPad and then sat down beside them
3. Your kids don't know him that well
4. You say it wouldn't surprised you if he just up and left with your youngest (so kidnapping your child)
5. The police have been called for domestic abuse
6. He's been banned from your child's school because of his anger and aggressiveness
7. He chopped your child's hair off for no reason
8. He's committed 2 federal offenses

For the love of God, you need to get this under control. You know those awful stories you hear on the news? Yeah, that could be you. Do you seriously see nothing wrong with all that is going on?!?? Your kids don't even know their dad well enough to recognize him immediately when he sat down, I think they'll be fine if they go to jail.

IF this post is real (and I'm having a really hard time believing this) you need some SERIOUS help. I'm so appalled at the danger you are putting your kids and their babysitters in.

[Anonymous]

Two corrections, PP.

Number 1, after texting me, where she sounded freaked out, the babysitter played in cool after she brought them home (early, and immediately following the encounter)
Number 2, it was their Dad, not a stranger.
Number 3, just because they don't know him that well and call him by his first name regularly doesn't mean that they aren't excited when they think he's at the door (no rules, iPad all day).

Everything else is dead on. Seeing it written makes me feel...well, a lot of things.

It really is only a matter of time because he has NOTHING to lose and feels completely entitled. When the police dragged him from my house, they had to discuss the idea of private property with him. He kept claiming that he had the right to be here because his kids were asleep inside.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Two corrections, PP.

Number 1, after texting me, where she sounded freaked out, the babysitter played in cool after she brought them home (early, and immediately following the encounter)
Number 2, it was their Dad, not a stranger.
Number 3, just because they don't know him that well and call him by his first name regularly doesn't mean that they aren't excited when they think he's at the door (no rules, iPad all day).

Everything else is dead on. Seeing it written makes me feel...well, a lot of things.

It really is only a matter of time because he has NOTHING to lose and feels completely entitled. When the police dragged him from my house, they had to discuss the idea of private property with him. He kept claiming that he had the right to be here because his kids were asleep inside.

PP here. It doesn't change the fact that you need to do something. Do you really want something terrible to happen and for you to just sit there saying...well I could have turned him into the police but I didn't want to have my kids see their dad go to jail.

[Anonymous]

How old are the kids OP?

How often do the kids actually see their dad?

[Anonymous]

Just curious OP but by any chance have you had any recent dreams that have made you check your carbon monoxide detectors and/or received phone calls during the day about delivery of a POD to your home?

Just asking bc your story makes about as much sense as that thread does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she was texting and was in a public place (like it sounds like she was) you should have texted her "call me right now and hand the phone to him". Then you take it up with your ex and tell him to get the hell away because he's creeping out the sitter.

This. I mean WTF you didn't talk to him? You didn't talk to the kids? You didn't drive there to see what was going on?!? Jesus you both sound like you need some parenting classes.

For real OP. Stop typing on DCUM and go meet the babysitter/kids at wherever they are. This will reassure the babysitter and you can see for yourself what is going on.

Were they both together in a public place by coincidence? For example, was the babysitter eating lunch with the kids at McD which is where the dad just happened to be?? So, he came over to sit with the kids?

[Anonymous]

OP, this guy sounds scary as hell and your kids should not be left alone with him, EVER. You need to do something about this before it's too late.

[Anonymous]

OP you need to stick with your agreement. Don't agree to "extra" time. I do think you needed to be on your way over there, or have someone head over in your place. Fortunately it worked out okay.

[Anonymous]

OP sounds unhinged. Also won't explain why she wasn't with her kids on a Saturday and did not go get them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP sounds unhinged. Also won't explain why she wasn't with her kids on a Saturday and did not go get them.

Maybe she was working. Caring for a sick relative. Who knows?

Doesn't sound unhinged to me. Sounds like classic abusive relationship to me.