Father intruding on babysitter's time with kids right now. What to do?

[Anonymous]

OP here.

It lasted about 20 minutes (or more). I was afraid (always afraid) that showing up would escalate things to the brink. He likes to push me and loves playing to the crowd.

I did run out in my slippers to a police car I saw and asked about the situation. The guy was so dismissive of the threat. Just like the guys from the DV call, until they got here and took one look at him. The biggest of the bunch said, "I'd hate to take him down." and everyone nodded in unison. But, that only happened after a tearful me sat and explained and pleaded that they had to do something. I put them through the scenarios of him walking too close to me and blocking doors, clenching and unclenching his hand, threatening to walk into our sleeping children's rooms.

I called a law-informed neighbor and asked about what to do. She DID NOT say call the police immediately, she went and got the badge number of the guy who blew off my concerns, promising to follow up re sensitivity training.

The crazy-making of an angry and carelessly abusive ex is having it taken seriously by the law.

I asked an attorney if him cutting her hair the way he did constituted assault. He said is certainly did for me, but not sure about how the Court would see it.

I wish I lived in a very simple world. The PPs who are attacking me, like 23:06, I'm not even mad at you. I just think you live in situations of such comfort that the constant ongoing fear of what your ex may do next, isn't anything that crosses you mind. Good for you.

My situation is different.

[Anonymous]

OP, have you thought about therapy? It seems like you really need it. I'm mad on your children's (and babysitter's) behalf that you seem to be doing nothing to try to help this situation. I hope nothing bad happens to tone of them because you refuse to take any action.

call the police and report him for the felonies. Not much he can do when he is behind bars!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
OP here.

It lasted about 20 minutes (or more). I was afraid (always afraid) that showing up would escalate things to the brink. He likes to push me and loves playing to the crowd.

I did run out in my slippers to a police car I saw and asked about the situation. The guy was so dismissive of the threat. Just like the guys from the DV call, until they got here and took one look at him. The biggest of the bunch said, "I'd hate to take him down." and everyone nodded in unison. But, that only happened after a tearful me sat and explained and pleaded that they had to do something. I put them through the scenarios of him walking too close to me and blocking doors, clenching and unclenching his hand, threatening to walk into our sleeping children's rooms.

I called a law-informed neighbor and asked about what to do. She DID NOT say call the police immediately, she went and got the badge number of the guy who blew off my concerns, promising to follow up re sensitivity training.

The crazy-making of an angry and carelessly abusive ex is having it taken seriously by the law.

I asked an attorney if him cutting her hair the way he did constituted assault. He said is certainly did for me, but not sure about how the Court would see it.

I wish I lived in a very simple world. The PPs who are attacking me, like 23:06, I'm not even mad at you. I just think you live in situations of such comfort that the constant ongoing fear of what your ex may do next, isn't anything that crosses you mind. Good for you.

My situation is different.

THEN DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

[Anonymous]

OP I'm a domestic violence survivor. Have you been assaulted? Were your children assaulted?

I was and mine were. The police only take real threats seriously. In addition, you should carry or have on hand all papers regarding criminal convictions to show a police officer. By your own inaction, you did not take the threat seriously.

If you've been assaulted you need to go to therapy and figure out real threats vs non threats as well as safety planning. What you did with the him, babysitter and your kids was not safe. Having a "routine" that he is aware of is not safe.

In addition, you need to learn to stop allowing him to control your thoughts and actions. Right now, you are wound very tightly around his actions. It's time to get help for yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I'm a domestic violence survivor. Have you been assaulted? Were your children assaulted?

I was and mine were. The police only take real threats seriously. In addition, you should carry or have on hand all papers regarding criminal convictions to show a police officer. By your own inaction, you did not take the threat seriously.

If you've been assaulted you need to go to therapy and figure out real threats vs non threats as well as safety planning. What you did with the him, babysitter and your kids was not safe. Having a "routine" that he is aware of is not safe.

In addition, you need to learn to stop allowing him to control your thoughts and actions. Right now, you are wound very tightly around his actions. It's time to get help for yourself.

Thank you for speaking in a way that I can understand.

I hear you.

[Anonymous]

Are you in montgomery County? If so, the Family Justice Center can help.

https://www.montgomerycountymd.gov/fjc/

[Anonymous]

I would have first of all asked for his ID.
Then if after I had asked for him to leave nicely, I would have called (not texted) the OP and had her talk to him. If that didn't work then I would ask someone to call a manager or I would have just left. People don't scare me even though I'm short. I've dealt with children who comes from very bad homes etc. So I would have kept asking him to leave or I would have left myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OP here.

It lasted about 20 minutes (or more). I was afraid (always afraid) that showing up would escalate things to the brink. He likes to push me and loves playing to the crowd.

I did run out in my slippers to a police car I saw and asked about the situation. The guy was so dismissive of the threat. Just like the guys from the DV call, until they got here and took one look at him. The biggest of the bunch said, "I'd hate to take him down." and everyone nodded in unison. But, that only happened after a tearful me sat and explained and pleaded that they had to do something. I put them through the scenarios of him walking too close to me and blocking doors, clenching and unclenching his hand, threatening to walk into our sleeping children's rooms.

I called a law-informed neighbor and asked about what to do. She DID NOT say call the police immediately, she went and got the badge number of the guy who blew off my concerns, promising to follow up re sensitivity training.

The crazy-making of an angry and carelessly abusive ex is having it taken seriously by the law.

I asked an attorney if him cutting her hair the way he did constituted assault. He said is certainly did for me, but not sure about how the Court would see it.

I wish I lived in a very simple world. The PPs who are attacking me, like 23:06, I'm not even mad at you. I just think you live in situations of such comfort that the constant ongoing fear of what your ex may do next, isn't anything that crosses you mind. Good for you.

My situation is different.

THEN DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

Are you divorced? Do you have a reason to believe it's possible to DO something about an ex like this? Because it's very, very hard to control the behavior of someone like this, or to get the courts to believe you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you in montgomery County? If so, the Family Justice Center can help.

https://www.montgomerycountymd.gov/fjc/

The Family Justice Center is a great resource, so is House of Ruth in Maryland (http://www.hruth.org/) - both places have counselors and legal advisors who are trained in Domestic Violence that can help you. This does not sound like a safe situation for you, your kids, or your babysitter. I would imagine your babysitter will not want to continue with you for much longer - I would have been very scared in that situation, especially since you did nothing to help her or warn her (presumably). I hope you are paying her well. Please reach out for help soon - your life and the lives of your children are at stake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Umm so you just let him sit there with your babysitter? That's a terrible way to treat someone.

OP, you really need to talk to your lawyer and/or a therapist. This dynamic that you are letting happen is INCREDIBLY unhealthy, not to mention dangerous.

Please, for the safety of your children and their babysitter, put some more thinking into this.

If I were your babysitter, I would quit.

Dad's a crazy man, and mom isn't protecting the kids. The answer here was easy: tell the babysitter to come home, and if that wasn't possible to stay in a very public place until you showed up. Showed up. Not played around on the internet with a bunch of strangers.

[Anonymous]

Your babysitter allowed this man to sit with the children? Wtf! She should have notified you immediately and went directly home. If he followed them to the home, then she calls the police. Poor judgment on everyone's part.

[Anonymous]

OP, are you okay? I hope this wasn't the father of the kid in Baltimore that the Amber Alert was issued for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your babysitter allowed this man to sit with the children? Wtf! She should have notified you immediately and went directly home. If he followed them to the home, then she calls the police. Poor judgment on everyone's part.

This.

I'd find a babysitter better equipped to handle potentially dangerous scenarios. And learn how yourself, too.