I feel like I have never done well at work in any of my jobs

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm so glad you wrote this as I feel like I'm in the same position, except that I'm unable to resign. I only work 32-34 hours per week and that makes me feel like an even bigger failure because there are people who can handle all of this working 40+ hours with multiple kids, and here I am struggling part time with one. I'm working on upping my vit. d levels too, and it's been a struggle even starting with the prescription mega doses. I fantasize about having even one month off to catch up on life. I'm always behind in one thing or another - basically work suffers or our house suffers - not to mention, friends, etc. Oh, and we do have a cleaning service every two weeks, which again, just reminds me there's one more thing I can't handle. I appreciate all the responses!

[Anonymous]

OP here. Funny to see this thread that I started a really long time ago. I am a SAHM for a year now and feel that I am pretty good at it. I enjoy spending all day with my child and I enjoy the homemaking aspect too. I was feeling lonely so I started a mom's group that has become very successful and provides a way for me and my child to do fun activities and meet new people, so running my mom's group takes up a fair amount of time and makes me feel like I am using some of my work-related skills.

Overall I feel like I am much more successful at being a SAHM and taking care of the house than I ever was at any of my jobs. I get a lot of satisfaction from managing the home, cleaning and doing laundry. I also enjoy the lower stress level of being at home rather than working. I often think back to my micromanaging boss and how belitted I would feel after our weekly meetings. I left the job on good terms, resigned with more than 2 weeks notice, etc., but because I was getting mediocre performance reviews towards the end of the job, I don't think I would get a positive reference from it, and that really makes me feel sad. If I were to decide to work again I would probably start out doing some kind of professional volunteering, in order to get a positive recent reference.

I feel really sad about the social aspect of the job too. Before I left I sent out an email to all my colleagues with my contact info and said I'd love to keep in touch. Not a single person has emailed me, which I feel really bummed about. My husband, who has been at his job for 6 years, says that if he resigned and sent colleagues his contact info that no one would email him either.

Regarding the possible ADHD and low energy, I don't find that they are issues being a SAHM because I can nap when my child naps if I am tired, so that really helps with the low energy issue. The ADHD has not been an issue being a SAHM, probably because I'm not juggling 5 different projects with a million tiny details at once.

Even though I like being a SAHM, everything isn't perfect. I really struggle on a daily basis with the fact that I no longer have a professional identity and that I did enjoy many aspects of my work. I miss some aspects of working--such as the aspect of helping people and feeling a part of an organization, and feeling like I was learning new skills and adding to my resume.

I also feel very judged by working moms when I meet them at various mom-related events and activities--I often get the comment from them "I went back to work as soon as I could--I could never do what you do all day." It makes me feel like they feel I have nothing to contribute to society and that they don't want to get to know me because they assume I am "boring."

I also have gotten comments from family members (like my parents) about my 2 grad degrees that are gathering dust right now. Overall, I think my self-confidence has diminshed after deciding to be a SAHM. On the other hand, my social life has really blossomed since becoming a SAHM, and that is really important to me.

Overall when I think back to my last job, and past jobs, I was probably working at a C + or B - level if I had to grade myself. I wish I had been able to do better, but the low energy and feeling overwhelmed really impacted my ability to do better work.

[Anonymous]

OP and 22:03 -

OP....I only read bits and pieces of your original post from January but there are a few things that jumped out at me that make me think you need to talk with a psychologist for evaluation of possible latent learning disabilities and/or ADHD or depression.

I am a 48 yr old mom of two who's son was diagnosed with learning disabilities and ADHD when he was in 1st grade. I too struggled in school and never felt successful in school or at work. I am very extroverted, a great communicator but I struggled with focus, memory, low energy/interest and inability to engage in what was in front of me. As soon as DS was diagnosed I realized he was ME! I finally made the decision to talk to a doc, and was also diagnosed with ADHD.

The minute I started taking medication, my world improved immensely. I literally felt like I was operating on all cylinders. I was interested in what I was doing, I felt sharp and on my game.

Look into it OP. you never know.

[Anonymous]

TLTR. I'm failure too. I'm bored and disinterested in my work. And hate most of my peers. I am not challenged at all which is a bad thing for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I also felt this way in the past early in my career, but realized the problem was not me; my direct supervisors were holding me back. I've had bosses who pretended to be my best friends but were very passive aggressive, competitive and self-serving. They never let me make any decisions and when I did, they micromanaged the shit out of them to prove their authority over me. They would never give me constructive feedback or help me grow. As a result, my self-esteem plummeted and I eventually plateaued and left the position.

Luckily, at my current job I have a very supportive boss who is a real mentor. She sets actual parameters, checks in when needed, and gives me autonomy when needed. Finally I am flourishing! Don’t give up OP! Sometimes it’s not you, it’s them!

My direct supervisors make or break my jobs and whether I felt like a success or failure.

Organizations that are based on tenure with a pay scale, where no matter what you do, you will not excel and you will earn the same amount of pay as the person next to you, cause me to feel like a failure.

When I work for myself, the sky is the limit! I see the direct results of my hard work and efforts and how my hard work pays off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Funny to see this thread that I started a really long time ago. I am a SAHM for a year now and feel that I am pretty good at it. I enjoy spending all day with my child and I enjoy the homemaking aspect too. I was feeling lonely so I started a mom's group that has become very successful and provides a way for me and my child to do fun activities and meet new people, so running my mom's group takes up a fair amount of time and makes me feel like I am using some of my work-related skills.

Overall I feel like I am much more successful at being a SAHM and taking care of the house than I ever was at any of my jobs. I get a lot of satisfaction from managing the home, cleaning and doing laundry. I also enjoy the lower stress level of being at home rather than working. I often think back to my micromanaging boss and how belitted I would feel after our weekly meetings. I left the job on good terms, resigned with more than 2 weeks notice, etc., but because I was getting mediocre performance reviews towards the end of the job, I don't think I would get a positive reference from it, and that really makes me feel sad. If I were to decide to work again I would probably start out doing some kind of professional volunteering, in order to get a positive recent reference.

I feel really sad about the social aspect of the job too. Before I left I sent out an email to all my colleagues with my contact info and said I'd love to keep in touch. Not a single person has emailed me, which I feel really bummed about. My husband, who has been at his job for 6 years, says that if he resigned and sent colleagues his contact info that no one would email him either.

Regarding the possible ADHD and low energy, I don't find that they are issues being a SAHM because I can nap when my child naps if I am tired, so that really helps with the low energy issue. The ADHD has not been an issue being a SAHM, probably because I'm not juggling 5 different projects with a million tiny details at once.

Even though I like being a SAHM, everything isn't perfect. I really struggle on a daily basis with the fact that I no longer have a professional identity and that I did enjoy many aspects of my work. I miss some aspects of working--such as the aspect of helping people and feeling a part of an organization, and feeling like I was learning new skills and adding to my resume.

I also feel very judged by working moms when I meet them at various mom-related events and activities--I often get the comment from them "I went back to work as soon as I could--I could never do what you do all day." It makes me feel like they feel I have nothing to contribute to society and that they don't want to get to know me because they assume I am "boring."

I also have gotten comments from family members (like my parents) about my 2 grad degrees that are gathering dust right now. Overall, I think my self-confidence has diminshed after deciding to be a SAHM. On the other hand, my social life has really blossomed since becoming a SAHM, and that is really important to me.

Overall when I think back to my last job, and past jobs, I was probably working at a C + or B - level if I had to grade myself. I wish I had been able to do better, but the low energy and feeling overwhelmed really impacted my ability to do better work.

NP here. Your original post really rang true with me. I've had jobs where I feel like I'm pretty much all alone on the moon, where all of my coworkers are introverts or I'm working in a more isolated area of the office or in a few cases, I'm a contractor and not really on the team. I put in a lot of effort but the positions aren't even positions where one can really shine/stand out. I've felt like a cog in a big wheel, but in the end, that's the nature of the work I signed up for and the job is a means to an end. Money=new stuff for DS and vacations and a down payment on a house eventually.

I recently became a SAHM who teleworks part time and although I'm, in a way, in the same lonely position, sitting at home working at a boring job with no one to talk to, I remind myself that I'm in a new stage of my life with little DS taking a nap nearby. DS is now #1 and my quest for self-fulfillment or whatever at work is off to the side. And that's ok. I wanted my kid more than I wanted an awesome job at the point DH and I decided to have kids, and again, that's ok. I'm so tired of the idea that women of a certain education/economic level have to be multi-tasking rock stars who save the world while breastfeeding.

That said, that's awful that people comment on your degrees being "wasted." Tell them to fk off unless they want to provide awesome free childcare to you so you can be a super terrific working rock star. I think people like to inflate their importance. I've had women tell me "I could never do what you do all day," staying home with DS. What nerve. My guess is their jobs aren't so amazing, either. When someone says that to me I consider exactly what they DO. They're not National Geographic explorers or ER doctors. Most are sitting in a cube for 8 hours not getting sunlight and frankly, I'd rather be home than doing what they do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP and 22:03 -

I am a 48 yr old mom of two who's son was diagnosed with learning disabilities and ADHD when he was in 1st grade. I too struggled in school and never felt successful in school or at work. I am very extroverted, a great communicator but I struggled with focus, memory, low energy/interest and inability to engage in what was in front of me. As soon as DS was diagnosed I realized he was ME! I finally made the decision to talk to a doc, and was also diagnosed with ADHD.

OP here. This is worth looking into, but I always excelled in school and did great socially there. It's the workplace where I've always had issues. No issues with time management or feeling overwjelmed in school.

I do have an issue with failure because I've had so much failure career-wise and socially. All the failures professionally have diminished my professional self confidence tremedously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP and 22:03 -

I am a 48 yr old mom of two who's son was diagnosed with learning disabilities and ADHD when he was in 1st grade. I too struggled in school and never felt successful in school or at work. I am very extroverted, a great communicator but I struggled with focus, memory, low energy/interest and inability to engage in what was in front of me. As soon as DS was diagnosed I realized he was ME! I finally made the decision to talk to a doc, and was also diagnosed with ADHD.

OP here. This is worth looking into, but I always excelled in school and did great socially there. It's the workplace where I've always had issues. No issues with time management or feeling overwjelmed in school.

I do have an issue with failure because I've had so much failure career-wise and socially. All the failures professionally have diminished my professional self confidence tremedously.

But keep in mind, being bored/unmotivated at a job isn't a disability. It's quite common. Just like being bored at school isn't always ADD. Sometimes it is indeed the job, or for kids, it is indeed the boring teacher who makes you sit in a chair all day which isn't a natural state for human beings.

[Anonymous]

To 09:15, you wrote: "I'm so tired of the idea that women of a certain education/economic level have to be multi-tasking rock stars who save the world while breastfeeding."

This is why young women from affluent backgrounds shouldn't take the seats of lower socio economic men in jobs and in schools.

You took a man's seat, when you ended up at home with your kid anyway.

A man could have used your college degree and the time and resources you took from your college professors and job supervisors.

Now lower socio economic women have no choice but to work, because their men can't find jobs or the seats for college degrees, wasted by spoiled brat princesses such as yourselves!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To 09:15, you wrote: "I'm so tired of the idea that women of a certain education/economic level have to be multi-tasking rock stars who save the world while breastfeeding."

This is why young women from affluent backgrounds shouldn't take the seats of lower socio economic men in jobs and in schools.

You took a man's seat, when you ended up at home with your kid anyway.

A man could have used your college degree and the time and resources you took from your college professors and job supervisors.

Now lower socio economic women have no choice but to work, because their men can't find jobs or the seats for college degrees, wasted by spoiled brat princesses such as yourselves! [/quote

??????

Going to college and getting a job means spoiled brat princess? Huh?

What do you tell a woman who isn't married? Being from an affluent family doesn't always last forever. Ever read The House of Mirth?

Based on your logic, today's woman from a middle-upper class family should she just avoid college and go on welfare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To 09:15, you wrote: "I'm so tired of the idea that women of a certain education/economic level have to be multi-tasking rock stars who save the world while breastfeeding."

This is why young women from affluent backgrounds shouldn't take the seats of lower socio economic men in jobs and in schools.

You took a man's seat, when you ended up at home with your kid anyway.

A man could have used your college degree and the time and resources you took from your college professors and job supervisors.

Now lower socio economic women have no choice but to work, because their men can't find jobs or the seats for college degrees, wasted by spoiled brat princesses such as yourselves!

Well, if you're very wealthy you don't have to work. If you're very poor, you can get assistance. If your middle class, you have no choice but to work. And if you want to work at someplace better than Walmart, you usually need a degree. Unless you think everyone who isn't a Vanderbilt or Rockefeller should just crash to the ground and go on assistance.

[Anonymous]

OP never did well at work in any of her jobs, but she is doing well at being a SAHM.