I feel like I have never done well at work in any of my jobs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you want people to stop by your desk, put a bowl of individually wrapped candies (like Hershey Kisses) on your desk. That is how you make friends at work. Also, you go to other people's desks, and ask about their pictures.

Just from reading your post, it is clear from your writing that you are self-absorbed. Socially you will do better if you focus more on the team/department/your coworkers.

Huh? Seriously?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get your thyroid checked right away. Keep checking on the vitamin D deficiency. Exercise? diet? And, yes, you sound liek you may have ADHD or executive functioning issues. If you can afford it, get the testing.

OP here. I have had my thyroid checked multiple times. Have seen an endocrinologist. My Vitamin D defiiciency is being corrected with the supplements--even with supplements it's not super high but I seem to have a problem with vitamin D levels in general.

I never thought I had ADD issues until this last job. I've never had problems concentrating in school or at home, don't lose things, am always punctual, etc. But I do seem to have problems with time management.

My last performance review on the job was not very good, it was a few months before I resigned.

VIt D takes a long time to accumulate in some people. I have to take 5000 IU a day to get in the mid-range of normal, and this is after time on Rx strength five years ago. Maybe they should up your dose

I take 50,000 IU a week.

feeling better
on Synthroid, which has helped

exercise is a life saver

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you want people to stop by your desk, put a bowl of individually wrapped candies (like Hershey Kisses) on your desk. That is how you make friends at work. Also, you go to other people's desks, and ask about their pictures.

Just from reading your post, it is clear from your writing that you are self-absorbed. Socially you will do better if you focus more on the team/department/your coworkers.

candy on a desk?

Who are you? the Easter Bunny during off season?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you want people to stop by your desk, put a bowl of individually wrapped candies (like Hershey Kisses) on your desk. That is how you make friends at work. Also, you go to other people's desks, and ask about their pictures.

Just from reading your post, it is clear from your writing that you are self-absorbed. Socially you will do better if you focus more on the team/department/your coworkers.

candy on a desk?

Who are you? the Easter Bunny during off season?

LOL, I had not heard that one before.

[Anonymous]

And maybe you haven't looked into the dangers of no exercise life. I read from http://tgp.com.ph/blog/sitting-office-day-health-hazards-exercise-life/ that you might be so obsess with your work to the point that you don't even achieve work satisfaction. You work so much that you're not aware you're decreasing your life span and you're a candidate for multiple health problems. Sometimes to find rewarding moment means to be content and simply do what we are passionate about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you want people to stop by your desk, put a bowl of individually wrapped candies (like Hershey Kisses) on your desk. That is how you make friends at work. Also, you go to other people's desks, and ask about their pictures.

Just from reading your post, it is clear from your writing that you are self-absorbed. Socially you will do better if you focus more on the team/department/your coworkers.

I disagree. I think she is an introvert. Read the book Quiet by Susan Cain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - I'm a consultant and I switch jobs, teams, and clients frequently. Also I am constantly being challenged with new issues and responsibilities. I also have ADD and I have found behavioral and cognitive coping mechanisms. I am rated a high performer in my company and yet on the inside I struggle and feel like I fake it every day. My husband tries to remind me it's not fake of it's real to everyone but you.

It sounds like you have a position based job. Like a accounts payable clerk. Your position is to come in each day and pay vendors. Every day there are more vendors to pay and each day you do the same thing forever.

Perhaps you need a project based job like consulting where you are part of a team addressing an issue (How can we streamline the accounts payable process? How should we design the new accounts payable system?) when that project is done, you move on to the next one.

You talk about being overwhelmed by too many responsibilities at once. Some people handle it better than others - think of a talented receptionist who can answer the door and the phone and sign for packages and type a memo while copying reports. I can't do that! I like project based work because while clients and deadlines can be demanding and there is a lot to be done, it usually needs to be done in an order - so first things first. This appeals to your love of lists. There is a project based equivalent to most position based skill sets.

You could also find a hybrid profession like teaching - some aspects are the same every day, but there is a lot of problem solving and the project/accomplishment aspect of finishing a unit or semester.

Good luck. It takes a year to really "understand" most jobs - the tasks, what is above and beyond, the politics, make friends.
It takes another 6-12 months to feel like you get it and you get the hang of it. Sounds like you just give up before you hit that threshold. Try to hang in there and trust yourself a little more. You need to get practice sticking with something really hard and not giving up when it's not going as well as planned. I imagine parenthood is excellent practice for that!

I'm not OP, but could have written her post. Thank you for this PP. You nailed what I hate most about my job. This helps organize my thoughts a ton. FWIW, I did teach for a while and loved it, but quickly became overwhelmed by all the paperwork (I taught HS). I also managed a catering business for a while and absolutely loved it. If I wasn't worried about the money, I'd go back into event planning/catering. I just can't make it work with my family obligations though.

[Anonymous]

I also felt this way in the past early in my career, but realized the problem was not me; my direct supervisors were holding me back. I've had bosses who pretended to be my best friends but were very passive aggressive, competitive and self-serving. They never let me make any decisions and when I did, they micromanaged the shit out of them to prove their authority over me. They would never give me constructive feedback or help me grow. As a result, my self-esteem plummeted and I eventually plateaued and left the position.

Luckily, at my current job I have a very supportive boss who is a real mentor. She sets actual parameters, checks in when needed, and gives me autonomy when needed. Finally I am flourishing! Don’t give up OP! Sometimes it’s not you, it’s them!

[Anonymous]

OP, I have been a SAHM for a very long time, but I feel the same way about my past jobs. My performance was not great, but I did great socially. Someone mentioned that you should go to other peoples' desks and ask about their pictures. I totally agree! People LOVE LOVE LOVE it when someone asks about their family or asks to see pics of their kids. I also asked how their kids were doing a lot and was interested in their activities. I didn't do this to win friends. I have just always liked kids and was genuinely interested.

[Anonymous]

OP one thing I wondered while reading your post - do you find you quit your job because you feel like you are failing? Did you often see it as "I'll get out before they kick me out?"

I ask this because it seems like you have a very real sense of failure -- thus taking risks in your career and even socially is very scary for you.

Being afraid to fail can really hold you back, and I would suggest you see a therapist or read some self help books (there are a ton) to help.

Here's a start:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/constructive-wallowing/201405/fear-failure

[Anonymous]

This sounds like a diet and exercise problem. What do you do for each?

[Anonymous]

Vitamin D deficiency? Are you a vampire?

Get some sun and drink some milk!!!

We go through 3 gallons a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you want people to stop by your desk, put a bowl of individually wrapped candies (like Hershey Kisses) on your desk. That is how you make friends at work. Also, you go to other people's desks, and ask about their pictures.

Just from reading your post, it is clear from your writing that you are self-absorbed. Socially you will do better if you focus more on the team/department/your coworkers.

I liked your tip about the candy and pictures but your comment about OP was strange. How is she self-absorbed? Her post seems to come from a lot of introspection. I was sort of surprised how willing she was to talk about her shortcomings and doubts. I enjoyed reading the OP and hope I can get something out of the answers myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get your thyroid checked right away. Keep checking on the vitamin D deficiency. Exercise? diet? And, yes, you sound liek you may have ADHD or executive functioning issues. If you can afford it, get the testing.

Also try some OTC iron. I think you need to take it with vitamin C if I remember correctly.

[Anonymous]

It's probably the low energy and maybe low grade depression. See a psychiatrist. I mean a good one which means they probably don't take insurance. Also, don't harp on this. People are good at different things and just enjoy being a mom. No need to stress about why you didn't perform well anymore than you should worry about bad grades in high school. I suppose if you do want to go back to work, then identifying the issues might help.

Also -maybe you don't need an office job! Really. Maybe you need to be on your feet, moving around to keep you alert and awake.