My egg donor is pregnant

[Anonymous]

The problem is OP you didn't do an open donation, you did an anonymous donation and you are in fact not keeping your side of the bargain by stalking her FB page. I could understand possibly looking her up once and then moving on but the way you even are stating that you're "proud" of her really indicates that you are having a serious issue with boundaries. I suggest you go back to the therapist who qualified you for egg donation and work out your feelings with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did not use an egg donor, but I don't get why people think OP is behaving outrageously for looking at her egg donor's - apparently public - Facebook profile. If I had used a donor and had accidentally found out the name, I would probably also do this. After all, I'm carrying this woman's genetic child - who would not be curious to know more about her? If the donor cared who viewed her profile, she'd have privacy settings that limited access, like most people do. It's not like OP hacked her way onto her private page. I agree that it is unfortunate that OP found out the name, and that she shouldn't keep peeking in (for her own sake as well), but I don't think she is a bad person for having given in to her curiosity.

+1 So what? You gave into curiosity. It's OK.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, and no this is not a troll post. But I am sitting here laughing at all the judgemental BS some of you are spewing. I was reaching out for some helpful feedback, but my mistake was thinking some of you DCUMs would have an EQ high enough to provide that.

For those of you who who manage to respond without taking your bad day out on me, I really appreciate it. I'm not some crazy woman, just someone who happens to let her curiosity get the best of her. I know plenty of people via forums who did an open egg donation (they know their donors), so I don't consider what I'm doing some heinous crime. The fact is she's a lovely young lady who is smart, gorgeous, and by her FB posts - very sweet. If anything, I'm extremely proud of her.

If you feel like you can't stop looking (your curiosity was sated, great) please get help from a professional to talk through your obsessions.

Oh, you judgmental bitches. Obsessions, really? You guys are right, she didn't do an open donation, so this is not what she should be doing, but the fact is, the anonymity was meant to protect HER as much as the donor. Just because she now finds it hard to look away does not mean that she has anything pathological going on. She'll get over it, probably without professional help.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are the reason more people don't donate eggs. I would be furious with you if I were your donor. I hope she's not reading this thread. Disgusting. And you're proud of her? Well, I think she'd be ashamed of you. I would, and I'd kick myself for doing g something g that allowed you to raise my biogical child!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, and no this is not a troll post. But I am sitting here laughing at all the judgemental BS some of you are spewing. I was reaching out for some helpful feedback, but my mistake was thinking some of you DCUMs would have an EQ high enough to provide that.

For those of you who who manage to respond without taking your bad day out on me, I really appreciate it. I'm not some crazy woman, just someone who happens to let her curiosity get the best of her. I know plenty of people via forums who did an open egg donation (they know their donors), so I don't consider what I'm doing some heinous crime. The fact is she's a lovely young lady who is smart, gorgeous, and by her FB posts - very sweet. If anything, I'm extremely proud of her.

If you feel like you can't stop looking (your curiosity was sated, great) please get help from a professional to talk through your obsessions.

Oh, you judgmental bitches. Obsessions, really? You guys are right, she didn't do an open donation, so this is not what she should be doing, but the fact is, the anonymity was meant to protect HER as much as the donor. Just because she now finds it hard to look away does not mean that she has anything pathological going on. She'll get over it, probably without professional help.

Thank you, pp. For the record, I'm going to make a clean break. But seriously people, get a grip. Being anonymous online doesn't mean you use it as some outlet for your neuroses - lash out much? If this is how some of you act to every question put to you, then you definitely have bigger problems than I do. Jeez.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, and no this is not a troll post. But I am sitting here laughing at all the judgemental BS some of you are spewing. I was reaching out for some helpful feedback, but my mistake was thinking some of you DCUMs would have an EQ high enough to provide that.

For those of you who who manage to respond without taking your bad day out on me, I really appreciate it. I'm not some crazy woman, just someone who happens to let her curiosity get the best of her. I know plenty of people via forums who did an open egg donation (they know their donors), so I don't consider what I'm doing some heinous crime. The fact is she's a lovely young lady who is smart, gorgeous, and by her FB posts - very sweet. If anything, I'm extremely proud of her.

Proud of her?

How condescending of you. Do you think she'd be proud of what you are doing with her genetic material?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are the reason more people don't donate eggs. I would be furious with you if I were your donor. I hope she's not reading this thread. Disgusting. And you're proud of her? Well, I think she'd be ashamed of you. I would, and I'd kick myself for doing g something g that allowed you to raise my biogical child!

I'm pretty sure bitches like you get screened out before it even gets to that point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, and no this is not a troll post. But I am sitting here laughing at all the judgemental BS some of you are spewing. I was reaching out for some helpful feedback, but my mistake was thinking some of you DCUMs would have an EQ high enough to provide that.

For those of you who who manage to respond without taking your bad day out on me, I really appreciate it. I'm not some crazy woman, just someone who happens to let her curiosity get the best of her. I know plenty of people via forums who did an open egg donation (they know their donors), so I don't consider what I'm doing some heinous crime. The fact is she's a lovely young lady who is smart, gorgeous, and by her FB posts - very sweet. If anything, I'm extremely proud of her.

If you feel like you can't stop looking (your curiosity was sated, great) please get help from a professional to talk through your obsessions.

Oh, you judgmental bitches. Obsessions, really? You guys are right, she didn't do an open donation, so this is not what she should be doing, but the fact is, the anonymity was meant to protect HER as much as the donor. Just because she now finds it hard to look away does not mean that she has anything pathological going on. She'll get over it, probably without professional help.

Thank you, pp. For the record, I'm going to make a clean break. But seriously people, get a grip. Being anonymous online doesn't mean you use it as some outlet for your neuroses - lash out much? If this is how some of you act to every question put to you, then you definitely have bigger problems than I do. Jeez.

I would let your clinic know that you have the name so that the donor can be made aware.

Oh, and you need to get some help. I hope you become the parent the donor wanted you to be. Right now, you are not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, and no this is not a troll post. But I am sitting here laughing at all the judgemental BS some of you are spewing. I was reaching out for some helpful feedback, but my mistake was thinking some of you DCUMs would have an EQ high enough to provide that.

For those of you who who manage to respond without taking your bad day out on me, I really appreciate it. I'm not some crazy woman, just someone who happens to let her curiosity get the best of her. I know plenty of people via forums who did an open egg donation (they know their donors), so I don't consider what I'm doing some heinous crime. The fact is she's a lovely young lady who is smart, gorgeous, and by her FB posts - very sweet. If anything, I'm extremely proud of her.

Proud of her?

How condescending of you. Do you think she'd be proud of what you are doing with her genetic material?

I'm sorry, did you have some insight on what I'm doing with my family? I wasn't aware that I even mentioned anything past having an egg donor. And I stand by being proud of her. She did something for infertile women that changed our lives for the better.

[Anonymous]

Oh my good lord. OP ignore all these idiotic hysterical posters. Although your donor deserves anonymity, it is not your fault you sound out her identity and it is absolutely natural to be curious about the genetic mother of your child. As long as you are not broadcasting to any others what you "found", I don't see the direct harm to the egg donor. However, you should ask yourself if it is healthy for you and your relationship with your child to continue "stalking" your donor, albeit anonymously. I could easily see where this may end up in self doubt about whether your DC is better off with your egg donor, fixation if your child looks just like the donor etc etc. The brain has a way of fixating on things like this and you get tunnel vision. Also, are you planning on telling your DC one day you know the egg donor's name? If I were you for my own piece of mind I would consider getting some professional help so you can get off FB and stop looking at her page. Good luck, I wouldn't want to be in your situation.

[Anonymous]

I'm starting to think some of you come here to be bitchy, then go back to your normal lives. I'll take the few sane posts and leave it at that. Enjoy the space left in this post!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh my good lord. OP ignore all these idiotic hysterical posters. Although your donor deserves anonymity, it is not your fault you sound out her identity and it is absolutely natural to be curious about the genetic mother of your child. As long as you are not broadcasting to any others what you "found", I don't see the direct harm to the egg donor. However, you should ask yourself if it is healthy for you and your relationship with your child to continue "stalking" your donor, albeit anonymously. I could easily see where this may end up in self doubt about whether your DC is better off with your egg donor, fixation if your child looks just like the donor etc etc. The brain has a way of fixating on things like this and you get tunnel vision. Also, are you planning on telling your DC one day you know the egg donor's name? If I were you for my own piece of mind I would consider getting some professional help so you can get off FB and stop looking at her page. Good luck, I wouldn't want to be in your situation.

Thank you for the sane reply. I saw this as I posted my last response and wanted to convey my appreciation for your well thought out feedback. Good stuff here and I may reach out to a third party for some closure. Thanks again!

[Anonymous]

I can understand curiosity, (for sure!) but it's time to stop. You've had a look. Time to be finished with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are the reason more people don't donate eggs. I would be furious with you if I were your donor. I hope she's not reading this thread. Disgusting. And you're proud of her? Well, I think she'd be ashamed of you. I would, and I'd kick myself for doing g something g that allowed you to raise my biogical child!

I'm pretty sure bitches like you get screened out before it even gets to that point.

+1

[Anonymous]

OP, I suspect many of these over the top accusatory and nasty posts are from the same poster, quite likely someone who is opposed to egg donation and looking for an opportunity to vilify someone. I myself have mixed feelings about egg donation, but to say that you are a terrible person and will be an awful mother is really a stretch. Through no fault of your own, in an unnatural situation to begin with (which is what ED is), you found out some information you shouldn't have known. Doesn't make you evil, a bad mother or any of the stupid things this nasty posters have thrown out (anonymity of the internet at its worst). It means you are a Mom in a highly unusual situation that is probably not good to continue and you need some help to figure out how to distance yourself. That's it. Ignore the haters, likely looking for an outlet because something in their own lives is miserable.