Views/Differences on Education for Children is Causing Rift in Marriage - Advice?

[Anonymous]

Are your children "outliers" in the school? Are there other kids with their academic ability? Don't assume that because lots of kids are struggling that all are struggling.

[Anonymous]

OP, you need to be financially realistic - that may be one huge issue you are wrong about. I can't tell how many kids you have, but it would be utterly foolish and reckless to plan to drive yourself into debt for private elementary school tuition. And planning on funding college by taking out loans for multiple kids is crazy talk too. Education has become extremely expensive and you must approach it realistically. So yes, you might have to accept a more modest school. You can't drive yourself into financial ruin.

[Anonymous]

I guess the thing that bothers me the most about OP was her bit about "quality of life".......what good is an elite education without "quality of life"????

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess the thing that bothers me the most about OP was her bit about "quality of life".......what good is an elite education without "quality of life"????

Quality of life is about the parents' present. Education is about the children's future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about a Catholic school with lower tuition that you could afford on your own?

Op here. Good suggestion. I hadn't thought of that bc DH is not Catholic. But I am and the kids are. That's a possibility. But I wonder how difficult it is to get admitted if we aren't active churchgoers. But worth looking into definitely. Thank you!

The catholic school in Clifton VA is one I do not recommend. Both my husband and I hold PhDs from one of the best universities and are Catholics but that school was not a good fit for us. Our bright daughter was not academically stimulated at all. The PK director reacted in very defensive way when we ask her questions.
Our DD wasn't making any friends in her classroom. She is now academically challenged and making good friends at another private school in Herndon.

[Anonymous]

Quality of life is about the parents' present. Education is about the children's future.
[Report Post]

What about the children's present? Just because you don't send them to the "best" schools does not mean they will have a crappy education.

[Anonymous]

Spending time with parents is also important to kids. If mom or dad are spending hours commuting that cuts into the kid's quality of life, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Quality of life is about the parents' present. Education is about the children's future.
[Report Post]

What about the children's present? Just because you don't send them to the "best" schools does not mean they will have a crappy education.

I don't think the kids will be damaged by moving from a nice townhouse to a fixer upper.

[Anonymous]

Lots of great posts already. Here are 2 more things to consider.
1. Going to public and supplementing with lessons on the evenings or weekends. That way you can manage the amount of money you want to spend and focus on the weak areas of the public school.

2. Borrowing someone else's address. This is wrong, but we all know that people do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lots of great posts already. Here are 2 more things to consider.
1. Going to public and supplementing with lessons on the evenings or weekends. That way you can manage the amount of money you want to spend and focus on the weak areas of the public school.

2. Borrowing someone else's address. This is wrong, but we all know that people do this.

Actually, I don't know anyone who does this. I do know that you can end up with an expensive bill and possibly jail time for fraud... but, what's that really matter when you save 20 min. on your morning and evening commute?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
2. Borrowing someone else's address. This is wrong, but we all know that people do this.

I don't know anybody who does this either. I would take a dim view of the OP if the OP did this. And I wonder what the OP's husband would say if the OP said, "OK, we won't move, and we won't go private; we'll just lie! And, well, if we get caught, we'll have to pay a lot of money, but let's not worry about that right now."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
2. Borrowing someone else's address. This is wrong, but we all know that people do this.

I don't know anybody who does this either. I would take a dim view of the OP if the OP did this. And I wonder what the OP's husband would say if the OP said, "OK, we won't move, and we won't go private; we'll just lie! And, well, if we get caught, we'll have to pay a lot of money, but let's not worry about that right now."

It is something that is done secretly. Not something you brag about. This could be happening but you are not aware of it. If you've never been to child's best friend's house, this could be the reason why. There are recent posts about sneaking in DC public schools (especially for those that live in bad MD school districts). Also it might not be a black and white thing. Suppose grandma or your babysitter lives in McLean. So it is less dishonest for the child to go to a McLean school and then go to babysitter's house after school for a couple hours. Or maybe even spend the night sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
2. Borrowing someone else's address. This is wrong, but we all know that people do this.

I don't know anybody who does this either. I would take a dim view of the OP if the OP did this. And I wonder what the OP's husband would say if the OP said, "OK, we won't move, and we won't go private; we'll just lie! And, well, if we get caught, we'll have to pay a lot of money, but let's not worry about that right now."

It is something that is done secretly. Not something you brag about. This could be happening but you are not aware of it. If you've never been to child's best friend's house, this could be the reason why. There are recent posts about sneaking in DC public schools (especially for those that live in bad MD school districts). Also it might not be a black and white thing. Suppose grandma or your babysitter lives in McLean. So it is less dishonest for the child to go to a McLean school and then go to babysitter's house after school for a couple hours. Or maybe even spend the night sometimes.

I'm not sure if there is such a thing as "less dishonest"? Especially from the point of view of the school district, when it catches you and sends you a bill. Non-resident tuition for MCPS in elementary school is over $14,000 a year.

I don't know about the Virginia school districts, but in Montgomery County, if there's a reason for you to go to a different school, like childcare arrangements, you apply for a Change of School Assignment.

[Anonymous]

2. Borrowing someone else's address. This is wrong, but we all know that people do this.

This is certainly NOT the lesson that I want my child to learn.......

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

2. Borrowing someone else's address. This is wrong, but we all know that people do this.

This is certainly NOT the lesson that I want my child to learn.......

I confess that I know someone that borrowed an address to attend a good high school. It was an Asian person with a Type A personality. All school, all the time. Now she is a multimillionaire doctor. She doesn't regret it for one minute. She was poor and did everything she could to succeed. While it may be dishonest, it is also impressive for a family to want to succeed so badly that they would cheat and lie and spend extra time commuting. So I think I respect their ambition more than I look down upon the cheating.

In some ways, you can compare this to cheating on an exam or an assignment. You are doing something dishonest to get ahead in life. And we all know how rampant cheating in school is. The type of cheating can vary. Maybe the student is getting help from mom. Maybe the student is using Cliffnotes or using google when you are not allowed to.