Is this part of the college culture nowadays?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find this interesting and am going to throw out a different perspective. I was THAT student. I had an "affair" with my professor for nearly 8 months. It was a combination of many hings, the power trip, the attraction to the person of authrotiy, he was a "rockstar" professor in that people waited for months to get into one of his classes, he was cocky as hell but it was admittedly a turn on to me at the time not even 21.
On top of all that, he was really good looking in a bad boy kind of way, like a frat boy who never grew up but one that was wickedly smart. So it was almost toxic, lots of girls in his class had crushes.
It was classic I stayed after one day to go over a paper that I didn't on a grade of and we spent about 40 mins rehashing it. He had me go back the next morning before class to help me correct it for him to review again. I was so grateful that i instinctively went to give him a hug to say thanks and it was like that 20 seconds just suspended in mid air. Neither of us moved away. I honestly this many years later do not know who really initiated the kiss. It was a strong magical moment. I knew it was wrong but neither of us stopped.

We met for drinks off campus a few nights later ended up going back to his house and thus begun our steamy affair. He was in the middle of a divorce and his ex wife was no longer living there. I confided in my 2 best friends but we kept it under wraps. Went away skiing a few times and had a few getaways. I fell hard for him. VERY hard. He loved me but I sense it was more lust and feeding his big ego. I don't think for a minute he thought there was a future whereas I briefly was naieve enough to think there might be. It went on for several months but when I saw there was no future, it was too painful to stay in it just for the sex (which was damn good).

I met someone else who started to take my attention away so it made it easier to make the break. We had a few more encounters afterwards but eventually we went back to being professor and student. On my campus it was not forbidden. He was 34. A very youthful 34 year old and highly accomplished. If it were my own D today, I wouldn't like it but I know from first hand experience how these things can happen so quickly and so powerfully.

I don't see any new perspective at all. We all understand how the underling falls under the spell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find this interesting and am going to throw out a different perspective. I was THAT student. I had an "affair" with my professor for nearly 8 months. It was a combination of many hings, the power trip, the attraction to the person of authrotiy, he was a "rockstar" professor in that people waited for months to get into one of his classes, he was cocky as hell but it was admittedly a turn on to me at the time not even 21.
On top of all that, he was really good looking in a bad boy kind of way, like a frat boy who never grew up but one that was wickedly smart. So it was almost toxic, lots of girls in his class had crushes.
It was classic I stayed after one day to go over a paper that I didn't on a grade of and we spent about 40 mins rehashing it. He had me go back the next morning before class to help me correct it for him to review again. I was so grateful that i instinctively went to give him a hug to say thanks and it was like that 20 seconds just suspended in mid air. Neither of us moved away. I honestly this many years later do not know who really initiated the kiss. It was a strong magical moment. I knew it was wrong but neither of us stopped.

We met for drinks off campus a few nights later ended up going back to his house and thus begun our steamy affair. He was in the middle of a divorce and his ex wife was no longer living there. I confided in my 2 best friends but we kept it under wraps. Went away skiing a few times and had a few getaways. I fell hard for him. VERY hard. He loved me but I sense it was more lust and feeding his big ego. I don't think for a minute he thought there was a future whereas I briefly was naieve enough to think there might be. It went on for several months but when I saw there was no future, it was too painful to stay in it just for the sex (which was damn good).

I met someone else who started to take my attention away so it made it easier to make the break. We had a few more encounters afterwards but eventually we went back to being professor and student. On my campus it was not forbidden. He was 34. A very youthful 34 year old and highly accomplished. If it were my own D today, I wouldn't like it but I know from first hand experience how these things can happen so quickly and so powerfully.

I don't see any new perspective at all. We all understand how the underling falls under the spell.

I think PP is offering us the perspective as a student and not as a speculative parent. I understand full well where she is coming from and appreciate the honest account. I would have a very hard time with it personally but I do understand how the lure of power and control can be like an intoxicating drug particularly to a young college kid.

[Anonymous]

It's unethical because the student dating the prof will likely benefit from favorable grading; the prof has every incentive not to develop a whistle-blower. I was aware of this in high school, college, and law school, and in every case it reeked. The students involved were in every case willing (and in a few cases, incautiously loud & proud) -- definitely not "victims."

[Anonymous]

Actually - I am a bit surprised in that it is now considered unethical at most or maybe all universities. Back when I was in college, it was not formally considered unethical and was fairly common. I think now it would result in pretty strenuous censoring or even expulsion of the faculty member if it were made public.

[Anonymous]

The only thing I would worry about is if your daughter portrayed it as "rampant", which it's not and has never been (student-prof affairs have always existed, of course, but never condoned openly). This would make me think she is involved with a professor.

So… be aware.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find this interesting and am going to throw out a different perspective. I was THAT student. I had an "affair" with my professor for nearly 8 months. It was a combination of many hings, the power trip, the attraction to the person of authrotiy, he was a "rockstar" professor in that people waited for months to get into one of his classes, he was cocky as hell but it was admittedly a turn on to me at the time not even 21.
On top of all that, he was really good looking in a bad boy kind of way, like a frat boy who never grew up but one that was wickedly smart. So it was almost toxic, lots of girls in his class had crushes.
It was classic I stayed after one day to go over a paper that I didn't on a grade of and we spent about 40 mins rehashing it. He had me go back the next morning before class to help me correct it for him to review again. I was so grateful that i instinctively went to give him a hug to say thanks and it was like that 20 seconds just suspended in mid air. Neither of us moved away. I honestly this many years later do not know who really initiated the kiss. It was a strong magical moment. I knew it was wrong but neither of us stopped.

We met for drinks off campus a few nights later ended up going back to his house and thus begun our steamy affair. He was in the middle of a divorce and his ex wife was no longer living there. I confided in my 2 best friends but we kept it under wraps. Went away skiing a few times and had a few getaways. I fell hard for him. VERY hard. He loved me but I sense it was more lust and feeding his big ego. I don't think for a minute he thought there was a future whereas I briefly was naieve enough to think there might be. It went on for several months but when I saw there was no future, it was too painful to stay in it just for the sex (which was damn good).

I met someone else who started to take my attention away so it made it easier to make the break. We had a few more encounters afterwards but eventually we went back to being professor and student. On my campus it was not forbidden. He was 34. A very youthful 34 year old and highly accomplished. If it were my own D today, I wouldn't like it but I know from first hand experience how these things can happen so quickly and so powerfully.

I don't see any new perspective at all. We all understand how the underling falls under the spell.

I think PP is offering us the perspective as a student and not as a speculative parent. I understand full well where she is coming from and appreciate the honest account. I would have a very hard time with it personally but I do understand how the lure of power and control can be like an intoxicating drug particularly to a young college kid.

Yes, we all get that. Remarkably what people don't see is that this is precisely why the behavior is unethical on the professor's (or President's) part to prey on girls in some underling position.

[Anonymous]

Well as someone who graduated college in the 2000s, I would say it is far from rampant. I believe it has always happened occasionally, and from what my mother describes, it was more prevalent in the past when there were fewer laws in place to prevent sexual harassment, although still relatively rare. I believe that part of why you're hearing about it so much is that teenage girls like to gossip, and if someone in their social circle is doing it, it is something scandalous that is exciting to talk about. I went to undergrad at a SLAC and grad school at a large research university and just anecdotally it appears to me that it happens with more frequency at universities with strong research programs where hot shot professors can practically get away with murder if they are famous and bring a lot of prestige and grant money to the university than it does at institutions like liberal arts schools that are primarily oriented toward undergraduate education. I also think profs sleeping with grad students is more common than with undergrads--not that either is terribly common. So if she is going to what you describe as a "very good school" (ivy, or top state school like UVA), I wouldn't be surprised that it happens occasionally.

[Anonymous]

Gross, the prof would get fired, conflict of interest

[Anonymous]

It happens. Its two consenting adults. Big whoop If I had the hots for my professor I would go for it, really don't see the issue. Its personal and between them and no one else.

[Anonymous]

Check out this professors blog and how he addressed the allegations

http://www.hugoschwyzer.net/2013/09/05/sex-with-students/

[Anonymous]

Looking for Mr. Goodbar

[Anonymous]

I graduated from college in the 1980s and it was pretty rampant then.

[Anonymous]

This is a total non-issue involving consenting adults. No different than office romance. Some (many?) women prefer older men.

[Anonymous]

I don't think it's more common these days, I just think that young women are more open about discussing their private lives than they used to be.

[Anonymous]

Oh my goodness of course it is an issue if it is your prof in a current class. Huge conflict of interest.

When I started at a slac, a prof showed extreme inappropriate interest in me. It was odd that he greeted a first year by name in September. Very odd when he sent his 7-yr-old daughter over to say hello at a concert in October. I was sweating it because I intended to major in his discipline and knew his class was required to graduate. No way did I wish to be in a situation where he was my prof. Fortunately I went abroad and satisfied the requirement elsewhere. Avoid avoid avoid. He was on his 2nd marriage to a former student at that time also.