Recently separated and pregnant

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Killing a child will not solve your problems. It will only create new ones down the line when you realize that you are a murderer. If you don't think you can raise the child then do the selfless thing and let someone else give love to the child. If you can love your child, then do so.

No one is talking about killing a child here.

Several people are, and it is disgusting.

When things go wrong, you do not panic and kill a child. That should be the furthest thing from your mind. It is selfish, cruel, and disgusting. If you can admit that, and still do it, then at least you are an honest killer as opposed to a lying one.

Give your child the gift of life OP. No baby should have to beg their mom for mercy. You are a mother, not a murderer.

I still do not see where anyone is discussing murdering children. I don't think the OP wants to go to prison for the rest of her life.

[Anonymous]

OP, this is truly a personal choice and it is up to you whether or not you want to keep this child or not.

I am not clear on your situation regarding finances and all. If you think you can make it on your own financially and support two children on your own, including childcare costs and such, then by all means go ahead and consider raising this child alone. Do not assume that your husband will be paying alimony and/or child support because the way he is behaving now is an indication that he will do whatever he can do weasel his way out of it. Also, at 42 it will be tough being a single mother..no doubt. It is tough being a single mother period, but you will have unique challenges as an older mother. It will be much harder on you physically and mentally. Do you have a good support system? Family and friends who will help out? All this must be taken into consideration.

If it were me, I would personally either a). Give the baby up for adoption or b). Have an abortion. I am a few yrs older than you are and am not financially able to provide for another child. I also have already raised my own and am just now re-entering life with no responsibilities and loving my freedom. Having a child now would only set me back another 18 yrs and I am not ready to give away my life again.

OP, when this child reaches adulthood, you will be 60 or 61. Almost a Sr. Citizen. Have you thought about that?

Anyway, whatever you decide to do, I wish you only the best.
I am so sorry your husband is behaving in this manner.
Shame on him for acting so immature and selfish.
Considering there are two children involved, I cannot understand why he doesn't just man up and try to work out some type of compromise for their sakes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Killing a child will not solve your problems. It will only create new ones down the line when you realize that you are a murderer. If you don't think you can raise the child then do the selfless thing and let someone else give love to the child. If you can love your child, then do so.

No one is talking about killing a child here.

Several people are, and it is disgusting.

When things go wrong, you do not panic and kill a child. That should be the furthest thing from your mind. It is selfish, cruel, and disgusting. If you can admit that, and still do it, then at least you are an honest killer as opposed to a lying one.

Give your child the gift of life OP. No baby should have to beg their mom for mercy. You are a mother, not a murderer.

I still do not see where anyone is discussing murdering children. I don't think the OP wants to go to prison for the rest of her life.

Do what you need to do to cope with your horrible actions dear. You can't change the past, but as the saying goes, denial is not just a river in Egypt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Killing a child will not solve your problems. It will only create new ones down the line when you realize that you are a murderer. If you don't think you can raise the child then do the selfless thing and let someone else give love to the child. If you can love your child, then do so.

No one is talking about killing a child here.

Several people are, and it is disgusting.

When things go wrong, you do not panic and kill a child. That should be the furthest thing from your mind. It is selfish, cruel, and disgusting. If you can admit that, and still do it, then at least you are an honest killer as opposed to a lying one.

Give your child the gift of life OP. No baby should have to beg their mom for mercy. You are a mother, not a murderer.

I still do not see where anyone is discussing murdering children. I don't think the OP wants to go to prison for the rest of her life.

Do what you need to do to cope with your horrible actions dear. You can't change the past, but as the saying goes, denial is not just a river in Egypt.

What are you talking aboit. I'm so confused. Murder? Denial? Wha..the wha is going on? Someone seriously needs to alert the authorities.

[Anonymous]

I thought it was The Nile...is there a new river in Egypt? Fuck this is goimg in so many directions. New rivers, murder...good grief!

[Anonymous]

Since the husband knows about the pregnancy I would be concerned about having an abortion being used against me in the divorce proceedings. If you go this route, I would tell him you had a miscarriage.

[Anonymous]

OP, still waiting for the answer to the question of how/ by whom you got pregnant, and only about a month along at that, if you are separated and have such a horrible relationship with his husband of yours.

And by the way, for practical advice, I would stop listening to this new agey friend of yours. Besides the fact that she sounds like a bit of a dingbat, you need to consider the implications of raising a real-life child, not a "spirit."

[Anonymous]

It is totally up to you. Ignore your friends and others. Search your heart and mind. One thing - do not make any decisions based on him being there. It sounds too dicey. Maybe he will, maybe he won't. You need to go with the scenario of doing it alone, and what that will look/feel like, etc. Well, I guess you have to think of how it would be still married to him, unhappy, and raising a second child with him while unhappy. That is a pretty bad scenario too. Just think it all out and go from there. I am 44, and I cannot imagine raising a kid from scratch now. However, not everyone feels that way at 42. I don't know how you feel - search yourself. Sorry you are in this place. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

What about Egypt?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What about Egypt?

What a sad, pathetic thing to do - turning a thread about someone's darkest troubles into a flippant exchange about nothing.

[Anonymous]

I recently separated from an abusive ahole with one child. As long as you can manage the expense of being dragged into messy custody and divorce issues plus two kids then do it. You will be so much happier once you are free of the burden that you feel being the only person trying to save your marriage.

Depending on how much you did pre-separation (I did everything) you will find single motherhood liberating and possibly easier than when you cared for him as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, still waiting for the answer to the question of how/ by whom you got pregnant, and only about a month along at that, if you are separated and have such a horrible relationship with his husband of yours.

And by the way, for practical advice, I would stop listening to this new agey friend of yours. Besides the fact that she sounds like a bit of a dingbat, you need to consider the implications of raising a real-life child, not a "spirit."

I'm not sure why I'm responding to this but what the heck. We separated a month ago. I suspect I am about 8 weeks along. Before separation I was in the habit of agreeing to sex out of guilt. Stupid I know. What do I know, either he's crazy or I am, probably both. My poor children, I know.

[Anonymous]

OP, this sounds awful for you. I'm sorry.

Only you can make the decision about the pregnancy. FWIW, I would take your husband's refusal to discuss it as abdication of his role and therefore assume that I (you) have total decision making authority.

If you think you can handle being a single parent of 2, and you want the baby, then do it. You will figure it out.

All the best to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I recently separated from an abusive ahole with one child. As long as you can manage the expense of being dragged into messy custody and divorce issues plus two kids then do it. You will be so much happier once you are free of the burden that you feel being the only person trying to save your marriage.

Depending on how much you did pre-separation (I did everything) you will find single motherhood liberating and possibly easier than when you cared for him as well.

I got pregnant a few months before separating from my husband. I got to actually enjoy the pregnancy, instead of constantly being driven and challenged and bad-talked like the first time around.

You need to disconnect the pregnancy from the marriage. I wanted a sibling for my #1 and wasn't going to give ex-husband the power to deny us that gift. I also wanted to be free of the constant, unrelenting anger stream that man carried around. So, my options were pretty clear.

You are co-mingling thoughts. Just answer two separate questions: Do you want a baby? Do you want to continue to have this man in your life, accepting that he will never change?

[Anonymous]

And, FWIW, I love my life as single mom of two toddlers. There's no one here to judge us as we have "breakfast" for dinner. I found freedom once I stopped trying to depend on someone who could only think of himself. I make every decision, find every solution, pay for every damn thing. Guess what? This is what freedom looks like. These used to be my fears, now I just recognize them as features of a life free of That Man.

Almost three years later, ex husband is still the same sad man---only with no one to beat up on (verbally) anymore. Even he can see how life has passed him by. Fuck him for not listening to anything but his own crazy anger. I have everything I need in the two marvelous creatures we made together.

Can you try to re-frame your situation as a gift? Can you imagine what a future you would say?

Wishing you the best.