Recently separated and pregnant

[Anonymous]

Is the baby his or did you get pregnant with someone else?

[Anonymous]

Can you ask your couples counselor to discuss the pregnancy at your next session?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you want to raise this baby or do you just not want to abort? Leave your marital status out of the analysis and forget about what friends and acquaintances think or will think. As a PP pointed out, this may be your last chance to have another child.

If you decide you want to raise another child, let this child be your inspiration to get out of a relationship that makes you unhappy. Plenty of women have children outside of marriage, some by choice, some not. It is doable. This baby will be the symbol of your renewed commitment to taking control of your own happiness.

I agree. You need to make decisions based on what you want and not what other people think, including your husband.

I'm sorry you're in this position. Hugs to you.

[Anonymous]

I think you should take a hard look at how your life will be without your husband and make your decision based on that. It sounds like he won't be a wonderful ex. Will he make custody issues difficult? Is he likely to willingly give adequate child support if you have primary custody? Will he want anything to do with the new baby as it grows up? What if the child has special needs? Do you have a local support network beyond your husband? It sounds like your marriage may be over, which could be a very good thing for you in the long run, but adding a baby to the mix is a totally different story. If you could handle raising it alone maybe a baby will give you a wonderful new focus as you move on with your life, or maybe it will make your life difficult beyond anything you have experienced before. Only you can determine that. And only you can decide whether you move forward with a baby; the marriage decision isn't entirely in your hands. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Killing a child will not solve your problems. It will only create new ones down the line when you realize that you are a murderer. If you don't think you can raise the child then do the selfless thing and let someone else give love to the child. If you can love your child, then do so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Killing a child will not solve your problems. It will only create new ones down the line when you realize that you are a murderer. If you don't think you can raise the child then do the selfless thing and let someone else give love to the child. If you can love your child, then do so.

No one is talking about killing a child here.

[Anonymous]

Normally I don't like abortion, but considering your marriage that is pretty much over, coupled with your age, I hate to say that you probably need to come up with plan B, which is not bringing another child into this fucked up situation.

"Wanting another child because this is probably your last chance" is such a horrible reason to have a child. You are old enough and probably educated to know that children thrive having two loving parents. Focus on getting help for your existing child, she is going to need it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you want to raise this baby or do you just not want to abort? Leave your marital status out of the analysis and forget about what friends and acquaintances think or will think. As a PP pointed out, this may be your last chance to have another child.

If you decide you want to raise another child, let this child be your inspiration to get out of a relationship that makes you unhappy. Plenty of women have children outside of marriage, some by choice, some not. It is doable. This baby will be the symbol of your renewed commitment to taking control of your own happiness.

This is great advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Killing a child will not solve your problems. It will only create new ones down the line when you realize that you are a murderer. If you don't think you can raise the child then do the selfless thing and let someone else give love to the child. If you can love your child, then do so.

What!? Is the OP going to murder her child? Someone needs to call the police and get the IP address of the OP and stop her before she makes the evening news.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Killing a child will not solve your problems. It will only create new ones down the line when you realize that you are a murderer. If you don't think you can raise the child then do the selfless thing and let someone else give love to the child. If you can love your child, then do so.

No one is talking about killing a child here.

Several people are, and it is disgusting.

When things go wrong, you do not panic and kill a child. That should be the furthest thing from your mind. It is selfish, cruel, and disgusting. If you can admit that, and still do it, then at least you are an honest killer as opposed to a lying one.

Give your child the gift of life OP. No baby should have to beg their mom for mercy. You are a mother, not a murderer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you want to raise this baby or do you just not want to abort? Leave your marital status out of the analysis and forget about what friends and acquaintances think or will think. As a PP pointed out, this may be your last chance to have another child.

If you decide you want to raise another child, let this child be your inspiration to get out of a relationship that makes you unhappy. Plenty of women have children outside of marriage, some by choice, some not. It is doable. This baby will be the symbol of your renewed commitment to taking control of your own happiness.

I agree. You need to make decisions based on what you want and not what other people think, including your husband.

I'm sorry you're in this position. Hugs to you.

Yeah this is a great strategy for working on a marriage or co-parenting. Be completely self-centered and don't give a damn about anyone except yourself. Exclude your spouse from decisions about his own children. Great advice PP - if you are trying to be a narcissist and antagonize your spouse, destroy your marriage and make life difficult for your child.

[Anonymous]

I have asked him a few times in the past two weeks to talk about the situation (since I told him as soon as I found out, he knows) and he just ignores me, says he's busy or just doesn't respond.

I am so sorry you are in this situation OP. But the above should tell you all you need to know about whether your husband is going to stick around as parent to child #2 (or come around to being parent to #2). The fact that he won't even discuss/acknowledge this suggests that he most likely does not want to work on the marriage. So, your decision at this point rests entirely on whether you think you can, and want to, have a baby on your own and be a single parent to two children.

I have no advice for or against for you. If it were me, I'd probably terminate the pregnancy, but I am not in your shoes and maybe I'd feel differently if I were. I can only say that having #2 at 42--with a pretty committed husband--was very hard. We are always tired. Our first child is pretty exhausting, however, and is still in terrible threes. Your mileage may vary. We also don't know whether your marriage is totally over or not--but it sounds to me like you're willing to work on it, your husband is not. Unfortunately, his lack of response means that you need to make this decision accepting that the most likely scenario is that you will not be married (or in a functional marriage) to your husband when you have the baby. You also need to think about what kind of co-parenting relationship you think you could have with him--for the same of your child and, if you continue the pregnancy, your second child. And, if he does not want another child, you have to think about whether he will man up and be a decent father or whether his anger/resentment will grow (and will impact the child he does have, now, with you). It is terrible that he is not weighing in on the decision, but perhaps that is for the best.

I suggest individual therapy for you to explore things and a really truly realistic assessment of whether you can have another child on your own and continue to be a good, strong single parent to both kids (I mean, you probably can, but is it for the best? there's no going back, either way).

[Anonymous]

Yeah this is a great strategy for working on a marriage or co-parenting. Be completely self-centered and don't give a damn about anyone except yourself. Exclude your spouse from decisions about his own children. Great advice PP - if you are trying to be a narcissist and antagonize your spouse, destroy your marriage and make life difficult for your child.

well given that OP's husband has been "too busy" to discuss the fact that OP is pregnant, he seems to be abdicating his role in co-parenting or working on the marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Killing a child will not solve your problems. It will only create new ones down the line when you realize that you are a murderer. If you don't think you can raise the child then do the selfless thing and let someone else give love to the child. If you can love your child, then do so.

No one is talking about killing a child here.

Several people are, and it is disgusting.

When things go wrong, you do not panic and kill a child. That should be the furthest thing from your mind. It is selfish, cruel, and disgusting. If you can admit that, and still do it, then at least you are an honest killer as opposed to a lying one.

Give your child the gift of life OP. No baby should have to beg their mom for mercy. You are a mother, not a murderer.

No one has suggested killing a child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Killing a child will not solve your problems. It will only create new ones down the line when you realize that you are a murderer. If you don't think you can raise the child then do the selfless thing and let someone else give love to the child. If you can love your child, then do so.

No one is talking about killing a child here.

OP gave it some thought and decided not to. Read her post. I commend here for choosing life over death.