Recently separated and pregnant

[Anonymous]

I am newly separated from my husband - we are in therapy and our counselor agreed things were too antagonistic especially for our child, that we really needed space. Things are not going well. Husband is holding onto a ton of anger towards me and spends our therapy sessions assassinating my character. I discovered 2 weeks ago I am pregnant and even though I've asked my husband twice since then for us to have a conversation he just ignores me. I don't want to have an abortion, this would be my second child. But I'm 42, things are looking grim in my marriage and my best friend says this is bad energy to bring a new spirit into.

Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

Yikes. I'm sorry OP. It does sound pretty grim. Honestly, I wouldn't but that's me. Are you able financially, emotionally, and physically able to carry a second child into the world?

[Anonymous]

You need to think about whether or not you have the support around you to raise two children on your own. You think to think about if you can financially support two children on your own. You're not a spring chicken who's considering embarking on single motherhood here.

Perhaps you need a couple of sessions with the counselor alone. It sounds like your husband has a lot of anger stored up that he's letting out. He needs to air his grievances before he's ready for the stage of moving on, whether that's getting back together or figuring out how to co-parent.

[Anonymous]

Does H know you are pregnant? He refuses to say anything?

Are you hoping to be with him? If you were not pregnant, would you want to be with him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does H know you are pregnant? He refuses to say anything?

Are you hoping to be with him? If you were not pregnant, would you want to be with him?

I have asked him a few times in the past two weeks to talk about the situation (since I told him as soon as I found out, he knows) and he just ignores me, says he's busy or just doesn't respond.

My only reason for wanting to be with him is my child. He makes me unhappy. But I'm willing to work really really hard on this marriage to get it to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am newly separated from my husband - we are in therapy and our counselor agreed things were too antagonistic especially for our child, that we really needed space. Things are not going well. Husband is holding onto a ton of anger towards me and spends our therapy sessions assassinating my character. I discovered 2 weeks ago I am pregnant and even though I've asked my husband twice since then for us to have a conversation he just ignores me. I don't want to have an abortion, this would be my second child. But I'm 42, things are looking grim in my marriage and my best friend says this is bad energy to bring a new spirit into.

Thoughts?

Nobody cares what your friend thinks....

How do you feel? Are you ok if you divorce with 2 kids and absent father? Or worse 2 and a mean ahole? These are your worst cons.
On the pro side your kid gets a sibling, you have another child (which you might not be able to do again. You have an heir and a spare

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does H know you are pregnant? He refuses to say anything?

Are you hoping to be with him? If you were not pregnant, would you want to be with him?

I have asked him a few times in the past two weeks to talk about the situation (since I told him as soon as I found out, he knows) and he just ignores me, says he's busy or just doesn't respond.

My only reason for wanting to be with him is my child. He makes me unhappy. But I'm willing to work really really hard on this marriage to get it to work.

Your marriage is over. Stop pining for him. Paper him for divorce. What kinda role model for your kid is somebody who beats up mommie? Even if only psychologically?

[Anonymous]

What is the primary reason for separation

[Anonymous]

Sorry but anther baby is too much for you

[Anonymous]

OP, do you want to raise this baby or do you just not want to abort? Leave your marital status out of the analysis and forget about what friends and acquaintances think or will think. As a PP pointed out, this may be your last chance to have another child.

If you decide you want to raise another child, let this child be your inspiration to get out of a relationship that makes you unhappy. Plenty of women have children outside of marriage, some by choice, some not. It is doable. This baby will be the symbol of your renewed commitment to taking control of your own happiness.

[Anonymous]

How did you get pregnant if you're separated?

[Anonymous]

Ignore your friend. If you want this baby and are able to provide for it, have it. Congratulations and good luck to you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How did you get pregnant if you're separated?

This. Either you are in the very early stages of separation, in which case your husband's anger and grievances can be expected. Like another pp said, he needs to get out the anger he's been holding in, and then he can move on.

If you've been separated and are still having sex; 1. that sends mixed messages. You are having enough issues to warrant a separation but still want to sleep with him? and 2. well that's just stupid

[Anonymous]

OP-you sound like you do want this baby. You are strong and can do it! Despite the situation, he or she could end up being the light of your life : )

My oldest child was concieved shortly before separation-although the relationship didn't last, he has been the best thing that ever happened to me and is now an intelligent, amazing young man!

I'm your age now, OP, and it is probably your last chance-don't let an angry man take that from you.

[Anonymous]

I agree you should not get an abortion. It is not the unborn child's fault you are in the situation you're in. You're misfits as parents, but don't take it out on the kid.