my friend and her daughter always puts down my daugher

[Anonymous]

I don't know that you have to avoid this woman and her daughter like the plague. She sounds like more of a nuisance/PITA if you ask me. And she's probably a nuisance because she's feeling insecure/inferior/competitive/whatever.

She's not necessarily a horrible person, but she has her faults. Definitely limit your time around her but no need to view her as The Enemy. As far as the kids go, if the 7 year old says something rude teach the 11 year to say: "That was mean" and then walk away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My friend is about my age. maybe a year . She has a 7 year old and I have a 11 year old.
My friend and her daughter always put my daughter down.

examples:
if some lady is giving a candy to the kids, then if my daughter opens the candy wrapper and eats it, my friend says "look at her. she is eating it faster that the kids"
even her daughter once in conversation said to my daughter "you are old"

she owns a home somewhere else. But she moved my community so that her daughter an go to the same elementary school that my daughter goes to.
now my daughter graduated this year and will be going to middle school.

if we are walking on the side walk near the elementary school, friends daughter says to my daughter "this is not your school. it is my school"

My daughter who loves her elementary school feels bad because some 7 year old who will be going to 2nd grade is saying that its no longer her school. my daughter feels bad after coming home. she never says anything to the other kid because she did not know what to say at the moment.

Also another occasion when talking to a common friend she said something like my 13 year old is more innocent than her 7 year old. Then our common friend asked me if my daughter is already 13 and how time flies. then I told her that my daughter is 11.

dont know what is it with my friend and my daughter's age. she tries to always make her feel older. Initially it hurt me more. but now even my daughter started to observe. my friend always brings the age factor atleast once each time we meet.

My daughter is tall for her age and her daughter is short for her age. her daughter can fit into her 4 year clothes.

My friend's daughter and my daughter are learning swimmng from the same teacher and their classes are back to back.
My friend who does not know swimming always says, if your daughter is able to learn, then I will be able to learn.If did not have my kids to watch then I will be learning swimming. I also want to learn swimming like your daughter. After about 4 classes or so, I said, why do you want to compare to my daughter who is learning swimming now. why dont you learn like your daughter who is already a good swimmer.

please advice how to handle my friend. why this constant reminder of age. why should a 11 year made to feel old.
More information: I am big and my friend is slim and wears clothes from youth section from khols and jcpenny.

I read this post and wondered who was the adult and who was the child. Why are you bothering with this woman or her daughter in the first place? You are creating your own stress by even associating with them. Kick them to the curb and don't look back. Plus, what power does a 7 year old have over an 11 year old? You have obviously transferred your insecurities to your daughter. My daughter is 10 and would dismiss the 7 year olds comments without bothering to tell me about them. Perhaps you have some deep seated insecurities from childhood. I am just having a hard time why you are bothering with these people.

[Anonymous]

OP, just disengage...your neighbor is the 'energy vampire' type who will suck the energy right out of you.

[Anonymous]

Did your friend also start singing at dinner when you tried to share news with another couple there?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My friend is about my age. maybe a year . She has a 7 year old and I have a 11 year old.
My friend and her daughter always put my daughter down.

examples:
if some lady is giving a candy to the kids, then if my daughter opens the candy wrapper and eats it, my friend says "look at her. she is eating it faster that the kids"
even her daughter once in conversation said to my daughter "you are old"

she owns a home somewhere else. But she moved my community so that her daughter an go to the same elementary school that my daughter goes to.
now my daughter graduated this year and will be going to middle school.

if we are walking on the side walk near the elementary school, friends daughter says to my daughter "this is not your school. it is my school"

My daughter who loves her elementary school feels bad because some 7 year old who will be going to 2nd grade is saying that its no longer her school. my daughter feels bad after coming home. she never says anything to the other kid because she did not know what to say at the moment.

Also another occasion when talking to a common friend she said something like my 13 year old is more innocent than her 7 year old. Then our common friend asked me if my daughter is already 13 and how time flies. then I told her that my daughter is 11.

dont know what is it with my friend and my daughter's age. she tries to always make her feel older. Initially it hurt me more. but now even my daughter started to observe. my friend always brings the age factor atleast once each time we meet.

My daughter is tall for her age and her daughter is short for her age. her daughter can fit into her 4 year clothes.

My friend's daughter and my daughter are learning swimmng from the same teacher and their classes are back to back.
My friend who does not know swimming always says, if your daughter is able to learn, then I will be able to learn.If did not have my kids to watch then I will be learning swimming. I also want to learn swimming like your daughter. After about 4 classes or so, I said, why do you want to compare to my daughter who is learning swimming now. why dont you learn like your daughter who is already a good swimmer.

please advice how to handle my friend. why this constant reminder of age. why should a 11 year made to feel old.
More information: I am big and my friend is slim and wears clothes from youth section from khols and jcpenny.

This is just weird.

[Anonymous]

Next door?

Fences make good neighbors.

And, it's ok for DH to be friends with HIS friend, but you need be friends with the woman by extension. Start pulling away and be come pleasant, but don't have a friendship. For some reason she must not like you and/or your daughter and her passive-aggessive behavior is hurtful to you both.

No one needs a "friend" like this. GL

[Anonymous]

you need NOT be friends...

[Anonymous]

Sounds like she is trying to insinuate that your daughter is less "in tune" than her child...as if she likes for a 7 year old to think/act/function like an older child. She will be the 13 year old that is constantly mistaken for being much older because her actions aren't age appropriate. She will be the 14 year old who disrespects her mother or curses her for not letting her date a 20 year old boy. This woman is jealous of you and feels inferior and the only way she can make herself feel better is to make you feel like your daughter is less than. She is a bully...confront her firmly and directly and the bitch will back off.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous]Dump the "friend", pronto![/quote]
+1! You're friend should be nurturing, not sabotaging, your DD's development.

[Anonymous]

Oh boy. These people sound like they ALL need to take a break from each other. Period.

Relax, deep breaths. In the grand scheme of things NONE of this is worth having a major conflict over. Pick your battles folks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You just have to decide if it's worth spending any of your time with this woman. If you find yourself dreading each encounter with her or, more importantly, if your daughter seems to be hurt by this woman every time that she sees her...time to find other things to do.

There's a big enough gap in the ages between your daughter and the 7 year old that it should be quite easy to find other activities for your daughter that don't involve the 7 year old. No need to "have it out" with her or anything, just move on.

OP, please re-read the second paragraph above! Absolutely true! The age difference between your child and this 7-year-old means there really should not BE any after-school or other activities that are appropriate for both girls! There is a world of difference between a kid of 7 and a nearly-middle-schooler who is 11. You mention that your daughter has friends who have moved to another community but does still play with other kids her age who have remained. That's fine but please also seek out activities to help your daughter meet more and different girls her own age -- Girl Scouts is great for this, or a religious youth group if that's your family's thing, or interest-based kids' classes in whatever she likes (art, drama, dance, music, musical theatre, sports, academics, whatever).

The swimming lessons are a pain because you have to cross paths with these people, but do the lessons go on and on or is there a time when they finish and your sessions are done? Can you get another time when the next sign-up comes along?

Also, when your child moves to middle school she will probably lose much of her concern about what this child says to and about her, and will be better able to ignore this kid. Your daughter will be busy with a new school, new friends, navigating new classes, doing more homework. That will help her shrug off this kid -- but meanwhile you must shrug off the mom. The mom is already taking up too much of your mind and your energy as you wonder and worry about her. Always be too busy to talk, be on the way to somewhere else ("Nice to see you, but we have to leave for class/Girl Scouts/grocery store/whatever now"). You indicate that she is part of a larger group of mutual friends you both share -- that is tougher, but you may have to get out there and make some friends who are not part of this group.

This other mom sounds needy, as if she wants to bring drama and envies you somehow. Be too busy for her!

[Anonymous]

That woman sounds like a jerk. Help your daughter to not take their comments seriously and to ignore them. Focus your energies on the other people in your circle.