Ladies, do you have your own 'emergency' account?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do some posters think there is a relationship between having all joint funds and not fighting about money? I am one of the pps who does have my own separate account and we never, ever fight about money either. I agree with 8:19, the fundamental thing there is that the arrangement is out in the open. It's the secret, not the separation, that leads to conflict.

I disagree with 8:19 on one point though, that it's not your mom's business. Your mom's first instinct is going to be to protect you and that's ok. I would be asking her why she feels she needs to give you this advice. Does she have a tough divorce in her own past or does she have concerns about your specific situation? What does she think the danger is here? Then I would assess her concerns and decide for myself if it is something I need to take seriously.

Yes you got it right. My mom is divorced. She also gets upset with me bc my husband handles all of our finances.

Your mother is right. Of course you need to be involved in your fianances. The difference between you and your husband is if he leaves he still gets a paycheck. You, not so much. And obviously the finances aren't handled well if you need this inheritance in part for plane tickets.

I'm not excluded from the finances , but he's so much better with the investing part of it. We don't need the money to pay for the tickets. Instead, I looked at it as if we put that money aside, the tickets are already paid for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Doesn't the court order you to sort of bring that money into the assets to be divided should you or spouse file for divorce?
Like- no matter whose name it is in, it has to be split the way the court orders?

I believe inheritance is different -- it isn't community property? Anyone, please correct me if I'm wrong.

No, inheritance is not community property as long as it's held in a separate account, under only the name of the person who inherited it.

[Anonymous]

I don't have any sort of separate accounts. Our money has been 100% joint from the time we moved in together over a decade ago.

But, I'm a lady married to another lady. If that makes any difference in the calculations.

And I do all the financial stuff too. She doesn't do any of it, but she has all the passwords and knows all the account totals and is involved in all major decisions.

[Anonymous]

We have accounts in each of our names but are both joint owners of each.

But that doesn't add much to the discussion as other have said that. What I wanted to say was "LADIES"? Who says that? Most of us here are women.

[Anonymous]

We have most accounts in our own names and one joint account we put money in to pay bills and soon (if all continues to go well) childcare costs.

I was mid-30s when we got married so maybe that's part of it but I also came in with a lot more invested in stocks etc. than he did. I couldn't imagine co-mingling everything.

To be honest, once in awhile we have a spending spat (I'm more of a saver and less of a shopper) and the idea of what's mine is yours doesn't come easily to me.

Still, things seem to be working well and we both came from families where each of our parents had their own financial independence. Mine used a joint account much more than his did but in general we are doing what we saw growing up.

I don't think there is a right way. But I like being in control of my assets and still feel I can contribute to a healthy "real" family while having somethings for myself.

[Anonymous]

Yup. My great aunt who is married to an insanely wealthy man (no prenup, they were high school sweethearts) still insists on keeping her own money from her dads inheritance in her own account in a different bank! Even tho her kids have repeated told her there is no way he could leave her high and dry.
You need to get that cash from your mom. If she gets hits by a bus tomorrow it will be part of her estate and you will not have access to it.

[Anonymous]

I have savings from before I met my DH kept in a separate savings account. I told my DH about the account and asked if he wanted to be added and he said no that was "my" money and I should keep it separate. That being said, the money ($200,000) is our emergency fund and we probably will use about half of it for a down payment on a house eventually. But since I stay at home, I definitely feel less dependent on my DH since I know I have that money.

[Anonymous]

Yes. It's a safety net for me and the kids.

See the "If you grew up poor" thread:

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/316049.page

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have most accounts in our own names and one joint account we put money in to pay bills and soon (if all continues to go well) childcare costs.

+1

Also, I'm not comfortable taking money out of our joint accounts for haircuts, shoes, etc., just like I wouldn't want DH using our joint account to fund his vinyl collection.

We also pay each of our car payments out of our personal accounts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:2:52 - no, inheritances are exempt if the inherited asset is never mingled with marital assets.

I did not mean inheritance.
I am interested in the issue because we have a joint account with DH that was once mine only, I added him when we were married, then I we both had direct deposits to it at different times, now I SAH and I would like a small separate account of my own.
However, if I open it and say transfer $100-200 a month from our joint checking (which is currently restocked by his salary being direct deposited), will I be able to keep it should we divorce?

[Anonymous]

Yes. And a credit card in my name only.

[Anonymous]

Sexist as hell OP. I make more than my DH. You should be asking if the lower earning spouse has his or her own account. In our marriage, we have only joint accounts.

[Anonymous]

Joint accounts only. I would not have married someone whom I wasn't comfortable commingling everything with. He makes 10x more money than I do, but I have never felt a power struggle over that. I have never felt he has more say in how we spend because of that. We have very similar financial personalities, so it works well for us. We both take cash when we need it, and consult each other for large purchases.

OP, it's your choice not your mom's. She means well, but only you know what you need in your marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I each have our own accounts - nothing joint. We each are responsible for certain bills based on our respective salaries. We also each contribute certain amount to college savings and our joint retirement account. I canNOT imagine having him see what I spend on certain things, nor can he (we've discussed). We've managed this way for 12 years, 3 kids, years of tuition - have NEVER fought about money - ever.

We do this too. 9+ years. We have joint savings (which we pull things like home improvements and vacations from) and we each have our own savings and checking. We review our budget/finances every year and reallocate how much each of us put into the joint accounts. We never argue about money (even when it was tight due to a lay-off). Luckily, we both have a similar mindset and don't accrue debt. I probably spend at a bit of a higher level than he does- but that doesn't bother him....as long as we are not accruing credit card debt (we both pay our cards in full each month). Its what works for us (my sister does the same thing- I actually got the idea from her and she has been with her husband for 25+ years).

[AroundTheBlock]

This all depends on your relationship with your husband. My wife and I used to keep separate accounts after we got married. But, a year later we decided to have joint accounts. Some people are different. I think both work but it really depends on the person and how responsible they are.

Also, I wouldn't open an account without your husband knowing about it. If he ever found it...that is A MAJOR trust issue.