Ladies, do you have your own 'emergency' account?

[Anonymous]

Oh - and pp here...I do have a secret stash in my name - I'd rather just do it openly

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you convince DH to have separate accounts? I've always wanted this - he sees it as 'the ultimate lack of trust'

Should you share a toothbrush, too?

Why do people think that because you are married, you should have one joint account?

[Anonymous]

AroundTheBlock wrote:Also, I find it interesting that your mom is telling you to have your own account "in case something happens". This means:

1. You mother does not have a healthy relationship with your father or men in general.

2. Has been cheated in terms of trust or money before.

3. She does not like or trust your husband.

Heck, my wife's parents freaking LOVE me. They would give money gifts to me directly instead of their daughter because they know I'm financially smart and responsible.

Not necessarily. My parents have been married over 50 years. They are in their mid-70's. My mother has always been a homemaker. My dad has never given her a reason to not trust him financially or otherwise. Yet she still has her own bank account with "her" money from gifts and other things. In some ways, I think it makes my mom feel like she has some power over herself.

A lot of this thought is generational. Back in the day in many, if not most, families the husband worked and the wife stayed home with the kids. Then in some families, the husband found someone new and sometimes left the wife high and dry to fend for herself with no job skills, no experience, etc. And many women heard stories where this happened to someone they knew or a friend of a friend and were, therefore, advised to keep some money in their own names "just in case."

I am 99.99% sure my mother is not worried about my dad leaving her for another woman. Yet she still clings to her own account. I remember my mom (and my dad) advising me when I was a young married to have an account in MY NAME ONLY, not because they don't trust my husband or dislike him or because they have been cheated on. They advised me of that because you really never know what is going to happen in the future.

When I got married I kept my account I had and that has stayed "my" account in my name only, even though I had a job and skills to handle myself if I ended up alone one day. I have never closed that account. My husband knows about it and doesn't care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you convince DH to have separate accounts? I've always wanted this - he sees it as 'the ultimate lack of trust'

I don't know, I never had to convince him. Besides having a mutual account, we even talk about how much money should go into our own individual accounts and he was the one who suggested that I should have more, even though he makes a tad more than me. I think I feel more independent having my own account and he knows that and he finds it sexy that I am more independent.

For me the ultimate lack of trust is when you have to watch each others spending.

[Anonymous]

The money I inherited is in my own name. His 401k is in his. Joint checking and savings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you convince DH to have separate accounts? I've always wanted this - he sees it as 'the ultimate lack of trust'

I don't know, I never had to convince him. Besides having a mutual account, we even talk about how much money should go into our own individual accounts and he was the one who suggested that I should have more, even though he makes a tad more than me. I think I feel more independent having my own account and he knows that and he finds it sexy that I am more independent.

For me the ultimate lack of trust is when you have to watch each others spending.

*sigh* PP here - I agree - not only that but it's a lot of fuel for fire when finances get tight. He's more of a spender when we're flush and I like to stash it away for a rainy day - which is why I have my own 'secret' account.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The money I inherited is in my own name. His 401k is in his. Joint checking and savings.

In a divorce, you're entitled to half his 401K for the amounts contributed during your marriage. So in theory, its joint.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

AroundTheBlock wrote:Also, I find it interesting that your mom is telling you to have your own account "in case something happens". This means:

1. You mother does not have a healthy relationship with your father or men in general.

2. Has been cheated in terms of trust or money before.

3. She does not like or trust your husband.

Heck, my wife's parents freaking LOVE me. They would give money gifts to me directly instead of their daughter because they know I'm financially smart and responsible.

Not necessarily. My parents have been married over 50 years. They are in their mid-70's. My mother has always been a homemaker. My dad has never given her a reason to not trust him financially or otherwise. Yet she still has her own bank account with "her" money from gifts and other things. In some ways, I think it makes my mom feel like she has some power over herself.

A lot of this thought is generational. Back in the day in many, if not most, families the husband worked and the wife stayed home with the kids. Then in some families, the husband found someone new and sometimes left the wife high and dry to fend for herself with no job skills, no experience, etc. And many women heard stories where this happened to someone they knew or a friend of a friend and were, therefore, advised to keep some money in their own names "just in case."

I am 99.99% sure my mother is not worried about my dad leaving her for another woman. Yet she still clings to her own account. I remember my mom (and my dad) advising me when I was a young married to have an account in MY NAME ONLY, not because they don't trust my husband or dislike him or because they have been cheated on. They advised me of that because you really never know what is going to happen in the future.

When I got married I kept my account I had and that has stayed "my" account in my name only, even though I had a job and skills to handle myself if I ended up alone one day. I have never closed that account. My husband knows about it and doesn't care.

So, this means everyone should sign a prenuptial agreement.

[Anonymous]

All the replies about how it's okay for a wife to have their "own account". Does this mean it's okay for the husband to have their "own account".

It goes both ways kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All the replies about how it's okay for a wife to have their "own account". Does this mean it's okay for the husband to have their "own account".

It goes both ways kids.

Read above, there are some who doesn't have a problem with their men having their own accounts so long as they have their own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All the replies about how it's okay for a wife to have their "own account". Does this mean it's okay for the husband to have their "own account".

It goes both ways kids.

why wouldn't it be?

[Anonymous]

I realize that there is no right answer to this question, because people have different marriages.

For us, the answer is NO, we do not have separate accounts. This reflects us.

[Anonymous]

We have separate retirement accounts (401K/SEP/IRA) because that's the only way you can do it, but we're each others' beneficiary.

Everything else is joint. Works for us. I can't imagine doing the "you pay this, I'll pay that" thing some people do. Just seems weird.

[Anonymous]

It's totally okay for a man to have his own account, too.
The idea is that each person would have money that is her own in case the spouse sweeps the joint account. Traditionally, the man made the money and took care of the finances so a woman's own account was her safety net.

Nowadays, most women (at least those on DCUM) are not less educated, financially illiterate, or non-working so it's not as big of an issue to have a separate account in their name only as it was in another era. But some women still do or should if they are in a relationship where the man is controlling, takes care of the finances, doesn't allow the woman to work, etc. This would be a woman's escape plan. Yes, it can be the reverse gender, but it's generally not.

I think this issue is a bit different than people who combine their finances and each also have their own "blow" account to spend as they please.

As for the person who asked shouldn't everyone have a prenup if they don't know where the marriage will go? Often a prenup is for money that each brings to the marriage. Also, drawing up one can be quite costly. Having your own bank account is usually free and a potentially good backup plan.

[Anonymous]

My husband and I have totally separate accounts on everything. I pay for some things, he pays for others, it all works out. I don't have anything against joint accounts, but we just figured, why change anything since there is nothing wrong with our current set up?