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How to deal with braggy/materialistic moms?
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Anonymous
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Honestly I'm not sure that being excited about the daughter's love of horses makes the mom braggy or materialistic per the subject line. If the friend's mom was constantly quoting prices or "showing off" outrageously expensive possession, then that would be a major pain. But horses - though presumably expensive and only possible for someone with an upper-crust lifestyle - are a hobby, not a status symbol. I tend to find my 4yo's interests adorable and probably drone on too long about his fascination with this or that.
The fact that the OP interpreted the horse/stable talk as braggy suggests some insecurity on her end. That's not meant as a criticism - I can fully relate to this feeling, and frankly it's one of the reasons that even as someone with a decent income I wouldn't be comfortable sending my kids to the fancy DC private schools (again, not a knock - they're great - but I'd feel too neurotic about the income differentials.) But OP, just be careful not to project your own insecurities, and not to transmit them to your child either. If your daughter starts demanding horses, all you need to do is give a gentle explanation of why you don't have room/time for horses. When my kids ask why we don't have a giant playroom filled with every toy, I remind them how many wonderful things they do have. It doesn't always have immediate impact, but particularly at 4yo they quickly move onto something else anyway! |
Anonymous
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Get used to it -
Nice kids don't always have nice parents. We don't have to like the families our children choose. We should only get involved when the friend's household is dangerous. Braggy, obnoxious, rude, materialistic, stuck up, full of themselves, condescending..... sucks, but you just have to put up with it. |
Anonymous
or MAYBE they are nice parents, whi just happen to have some money. the mom doesn't seem to be shutting you out, but rather trying to draw you in. maybe there's a tone thing that we are missing because we weren't there, but if the kid is nice and friendly as you say she is, maybe the parents really are decent people who are instilling good values -- like sharing -- in their child. as an aside, i'm astounded by the number of people here who think that wealth is a sign of evil. who do you think is going to be paying the taxes your dear senator obama wants to impose (and yes, i'm voting for him and will pay higher taxes if he's elected. but i don't have any horses). |
Anonymous
No, I do not believe it. This is DC URBAN Moms and Dads. Where are there equestrian houses in DC? |
Anonymous
OP here. You know what? There are two situations here. Either the "mom friend" saw this, and if so, great. Hey mom friend, why don't you give me a buzz? Let's talk it over, or let's not, and do playdate. You know my number. Have you annoyed me? Definitely. Have I annoyed you? Yes if you've read this. I've learned some things, and maybe you have too, and so, let's move on. Or, maybe the "mom friend" didn't see this, and the "mom friend" poster was just a troll, and, if so, then so be it. Either way, it's fine with me. I haven't done anything wrong to be embarrassed, have not given any names, any towns, any schools, any counties, any states away. Just my perception, and I'm entitled to that. If anything, I've opened myself up to all kinds of criticism, and that's OK, because that's how I'll get to the bottom of it, so that, in the end, I can be a better parent to my child. That's the whole point. And "mom friend," if you are reading this, instead of taking the usual approach of having a "gotcha"/punitive kind of attitude, think about it. Maybe you affect others this way sometimes, and maybe you don't ever hear about it. Maybe this is your opportunity to have more positive interactions with more people. On my end, I've learned that maybe I can let insecurities get in the way of having more positive interactions as well. I'm secure enought to handle that! This is great information. Use it, "mom friend." In the process, I've gotten lots of votes of confidence too on how I handled some of the responses, and thank you all for that! I appreciate it. |
Anonymous
| Maybe the person is up to debt in her ears, but is in denial or hides it very well. |
Anonymous
| Or maybe not. Maybe they just have a lot of money and live well. |
Anonymous
Why can't you just accept that some people are exceedingly rich and can buy anything they desire without going into debt. Their limits on what is extravagant will differ from yours because they have so much more disposable income than you. Simple. Deal with it. |
zumbamama
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| Perhaps next time you are in a conversation with her, you can reciprocate with your positive experiences with DD. Maybe she was trying to share hers with you. Of course none of us were there to hear the tone of her voice while she was telling you about the horses, but if it were me, I would respond something like, "Oh it's great the kids have a chance to be around horses. I like to take my daughter to see ____" Fill in the blank with the good things you expose your daughter to. |
Anonymous
I don't think people equate wealth with evil. But I think the sentiment is that conspicuous displays of wealth are obnoxious and a sign of insecurity. |
Anonymous
I did not post this original comment. But there are also lots of people in this area who are trying to keep up with the Joneses and are in debt up to their eyeballs. My husband works in financial services and knows a lot of these people. Don't kid yourself that a mcmansion and a luxury vehicle equals cash in the bank. |
Anonymous
| so... can i be friends with someone who has horses at home? |
Anonymous
The latter is an equally obnoxious sentiment. |
Anonymous
Rock Creek, McLean, Reston, Potomac. There are tons of equestrian homes in the area. |
Anonymous
So are you an advocate of conspicuous consumption? |