How to deal with braggy/materialistic moms?

[Anonymous]

This thread has evolved into quite a thoughtful discussion, raising interesting questions about what kind of consumption is "conspicuous" and how one ought to deal with economic (and thus implied power) imbalances in social relationships. Thanks everyone for sharing your perspectives. I really appreciate it!

[Anonymous]

I'm the original "get used to it" poster.

I really wasn't thinking about the consumption element. I have absolutely nothing to say for or against the "horsey mom." I ABSOLUTELY don't want to criticize the spending choices of a family I don't know, because it isn't my place.

That's the point, though. I simply wanted to comment about the fact that we don't always like our children's choices and we need to accept that. It starts early, the independence thing. It is doing your child a disservice to "shelter" them from harmless people whose life choices differ from your own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I think we should all try to think the best of others unless proven otherwise.

The people we are talking about on this thread have already done the "unless proven otherwise" part -- i.e., they have proven themselves shallow. Those are the only ones originally discussed -- and somehow people with money who felt uncomfortable with that turned it into a debate about whether money is bad or whether we have a right to judge someone for their money. We weren't judging people for their money. We were discussing being rich and shallow -- not being rich.

I posted earlier about having mcmansion neighbors who made good neighbors and about having both shallow mcmansion parents and nice mcmansion parents at my dc's school. It is not about the size of your house or the amount of money you have -- it is about you. Some people have a lot of money and live in big houses and are really nice people and I enjoy having them as friends and neighbors. And I'm sorry, but some people have a lot of money and live in big houses and are really, really shallow, and they do not realize that spending lots and lots and lots of money on themselves is not something to brag about. In fact, it seems to come as a shock to them that many OTHERS on this list find it very unattractive. Yes, there are shallow rich people, shallow middle class people, and shallow poor people, but this thread was about shallow rich people. So for all the rich people who are not shallow, you are off the hook!!!! I may already know you and love you for who you are!!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The people we are talking about on this thread have already done the "unless proven otherwise" part -- i.e., they have proven themselves shallow.

The irony of this comment is that this thread started with a post suggesting that a woman was shallow (braggy/materialistic) because she talked about her horses--a first impression that OP later acknowledged might have been unfair. Have the other people we seem to be talking about been judged on the basis of similarly flimsy evidence?

[Anonymous]

OMG - you are NOT insecure! Here's the bottom line: In the future, when your child comes into her own, you will have little say over which friends she chooses. You can only "guide" her. For now, why should you subject yourself to someone who's so uppity? And as far as a drop off is concerned, let's get real. If the mother is making you crazy, imagine what she's filling the kids' heads with? Children are a reflection of their parents. If you're getting negative vibes from the mother, run in the other direction.

And before I get reprimanded for stereotyping, I don't believe that everyone who lives on an estate is a snob. My best friend lives on 5 acres in Howard County in a gorgeous home her husband built. She's as down to earth as anyone can get. And she doesn't work outside of the home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Children are a reflection of their parents.

Fortunately the child is "super sweet and very nice." So maybe her mother is just fine!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The people we are talking about on this thread have already done the "unless proven otherwise" part -- i.e., they have proven themselves shallow.

The irony of this comment is that this thread started with a post suggesting that a woman was shallow (braggy/materialistic) because she talked about her horses--a first impression that OP later acknowledged might have been unfair. Have the other people we seem to be talking about been judged on the basis of similarly flimsy evidence?

No. I posted earlier about shallow rich people in my "wealthy" suburb whom I can not stand. The OP's mom friend's discussion of horses would not have put me off. I'm talking about rich people who talk incessantly about how they have more money than they know what to do with (to the point I actually wonder if they have any), etc. I think we all know a shallow person when we meet one. To think there are no shallow rich people in the world is naive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The people we are talking about on this thread have already done the "unless proven otherwise" part -- i.e., they have proven themselves shallow.

The irony of this comment is that this thread started with a post suggesting that a woman was shallow (braggy/materialistic) because she talked about her horses--a first impression that OP later acknowledged might have been unfair. Have the other people we seem to be talking about been judged on the basis of similarly flimsy evidence?

Yes, I think everyone who responded to the original post said that the rich mom did NOT sound braggy/materialistic at all. Then the post went on to discuss what braggy/materialistic meant to them -- i.e., not just rich. So that's what i meant by the 'unless proven otherwise' quote above.

[Anonymous]

So far so good, except that, during this whole playdate, the new friend's mom kept going on and on about how great it is that her daughter never has to spend time in the house/watch TV/play with normal toys because she gets to be outside riding horses all the time, doing horse shows (in horsey-type places of course), and playing with all the animals on the farm. She marveled at how I could have possibly missed the different school parties she had held there at her house, complete with open bar, tents, blah blah blah.



And the behavior mentioned above would NOT be considered snotty? I especially love this sentence: "She marveled at how I could have possibly missed the different school parties she had held there at her house, complete with open bar, tents. . . " Furthermore, I find it extremely condescending to even describe a toy as "normal." Who does that? Sorry that my kid's Leap Frog is too "normal" for her.

What happens to these children who live this type of lifestyle? How can they ever learn to relate to others and more importantly to have compassion for those less fortunate?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

So far so good, except that, during this whole playdate, the new friend's mom kept going on and on about how great it is that her daughter never has to spend time in the house/watch TV/play with normal toys because she gets to be outside riding horses all the time, doing horse shows (in horsey-type places of course), and playing with all the animals on the farm. She marveled at how I could have possibly missed the different school parties she had held there at her house, complete with open bar, tents, blah blah blah.

And the behavior mentioned above would NOT be considered snotty? I especially love this sentence: "She marveled at how I could have possibly missed the different school parties she had held there at her house, complete with open bar, tents. . . " Furthermore, I find it extremely condescending to even describe a toy as "normal." Who does that? Sorry that my kid's Leap Frog is too "normal" for her.

What happens to these children who live this type of lifestyle? How can they ever learn to relate to others and more importantly to have compassion for those less fortunate?

Why is it a problem for the rich daughter not to learn how to relate to those less fortunate but NOT a problem for the presumably middle class daughter not to learn to relate to her rich classmate? It's a two way street. (I'm in the 'rich shallow people are unattractive' camp, BTW, but did not find the horse mom's dialogue offensive at all. Sounded to me like she was just making chit chat.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

So far so good, except that, during this whole playdate, the new friend's mom kept going on and on about how great it is that her daughter never has to spend time in the house/watch TV/play with normal toys because she gets to be outside riding horses all the time, doing horse shows (in horsey-type places of course), and playing with all the animals on the farm. She marveled at how I could have possibly missed the different school parties she had held there at her house, complete with open bar, tents, blah blah blah.

And the behavior mentioned above would NOT be considered snotty? I especially love this sentence: "She marveled at how I could have possibly missed the different school parties she had held there at her house, complete with open bar, tents. . . " Furthermore, I find it extremely condescending to even describe a toy as "normal." Who does that? Sorry that my kid's Leap Frog is too "normal" for her.

What happens to these children who live this type of lifestyle? How can they ever learn to relate to others and more importantly to have compassion for those less fortunate?

Why is it a problem for the rich daughter not to learn how to relate to those less fortunate but NOT a problem for the presumably middle class daughter not to learn to relate to her rich classmate? It's a two way street. (I'm in the 'rich shallow people are unattractive' camp, BTW, but did not find the horse mom's dialogue offensive at all. Sounded to me like she was just making chit chat.)


The middle class mom is not going around bragging about what SHE has and what OTHERS DON'T. Furthermore, when you make "chit chat," you don't denigrate others. Finally, MOST of the population plays with "normal" toys b/c not everyone can afford horses. So I'm certain that the "middle class" daughter CAN appreciate what she doesn't have. So there's your two-way street. That's the kind of attitude that got us into the economic mess we're in today - greed that never trickles down. By responding, you've helped me to support my original point quite nicely.

PS - It's nice to know that you're not bothered by the fact that you're rich, shallow and unattractive. BTW - There's nothing wrong with being rich OR unattractive, but in combination with shallow, it's deadly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

So far so good, except that, during this whole playdate, the new friend's mom kept going on and on about how great it is that her daughter never has to spend time in the house/watch TV/play with normal toys because she gets to be outside riding horses all the time, doing horse shows (in horsey-type places of course), and playing with all the animals on the farm. She marveled at how I could have possibly missed the different school parties she had held there at her house, complete with open bar, tents, blah blah blah.

And the behavior mentioned above would NOT be considered snotty? I especially love this sentence: "She marveled at how I could have possibly missed the different school parties she had held there at her house, complete with open bar, tents. . . " Furthermore, I find it extremely condescending to even describe a toy as "normal." Who does that? Sorry that my kid's Leap Frog is too "normal" for her.

What happens to these children who live this type of lifestyle? How can they ever learn to relate to others and more importantly to have compassion for those less fortunate?

Why is it a problem for the rich daughter not to learn how to relate to those less fortunate but NOT a problem for the presumably middle class daughter not to learn to relate to her rich classmate? It's a two way street. (I'm in the 'rich shallow people are unattractive' camp, BTW, but did not find the horse mom's dialogue offensive at all. Sounded to me like she was just making chit chat.)

The middle class mom is not going around bragging about what SHE has and what OTHERS DON'T. Furthermore, when you make "chit chat," you don't denigrate others. Finally, MOST of the population plays with "normal" toys b/c not everyone can afford horses. So I'm certain that the "middle class" daughter CAN appreciate what she doesn't have. So there's your two-way street. That's the kind of attitude that got us into the economic mess we're in today - greed that never trickles down. By responding, you've helped me to support my original point quite nicely.

PS - It's nice to know that you're not bothered by the fact that you're rich, shallow and unattractive. BTW - There's nothing wrong with being rich OR unattractive, but in combination with shallow, it's deadly.

What? I'm rich? You have me confused with someone else, seriously. I've been posting all over this thread about how unattractive shallow rich people are. I have no clue what your orignial point was or how I could possibly have supported it.