putting my foot down about homework: vent and rally cry

[Anonymous]

OP, I feel for you. We were probably at the same school for years. Between the HW and the projects, it was insane. Worse, the teachers promised no HW or projects over weekends or vacations, and that proved to be false. I can't tell you how many we lost as a family because DS was working on something or we were shopping for something crazy so he could build something insane for school. The administration didn't care. They thought more HW=more elite school so they just kept piling it on. It got worse year after year like a badge if honor. We got out and found a more enlightened school. I hope you do, too. Get your life back before you wish you did.

[Anonymous]

Parents who have found an "enlightened" school that has no or limited homework, would you please share the name of the school and grade your child is in?
thanks

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We had the same situation (competitive public). I spent some time supervising closely to gauge the type and amount of work, and then I talked to the teachers.

I explained that we do not believe that a nine year old needs a nine-hour work day. I explained that we had reached a state of emergency, that my bright, curious, motivated daughter was completely demoralized. I learned that the teachers did *not* coordinate workload and that in many cases they were unaware of the burden. I asked them which work they felt was most crucial and explained that I would prioritize her homework every night. I explained that I would not have her repeat work when she had already shown mastery and that where homework was being used as a study aid, we might substitute some other method.

I explained politely but firmly that I did not give a hot flying fuck about the homework portion of her grade that year, and that I did not care about lowering her GPA due to homework issues. I did ask to be notified only if they saw her struggling with classwork, and checked in with them periodically.

I explained to her that as long as she paid attention in class, took her important projects seriously and did reasonably well on tests, we would keep her homework load as low as possible for the remainder of the year. The relief on her face was incredible.

I was a hardass about not dawdling and getting the prioritized homework done, so that she didn't miss the benefit of the new regime. Within a week, she had her life back. Her test grades steadily improved. Our weekday family life was fun again. She had real time to read and relax and have a life.

The next year was better, and the year after that we found a school that was more reasonable about homework so as not to fight this ridiculous battle every year.

For elementary and middle schoolers, homework is theft. It's a destroyer of childhood. Don't be afraid to stand firm and insist that busywork not steal a moment of your child's free time. That is the only way this changes.

You sound crazy, fyi. Destroyer of childhood?

Your child is going to have an extremely tough time when they get to college. Or are you planning on having this same conversation with her professors lol

[Anonymous]

PP if your DC were in 2nd grade and doing 4 hrs of HW you would understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had the same situation (competitive public). I spent some time supervising closely to gauge the type and amount of work, and then I talked to the teachers.

I explained that we do not believe that a nine year old needs a nine-hour work day. I explained that we had reached a state of emergency, that my bright, curious, motivated daughter was completely demoralized. I learned that the teachers did *not* coordinate workload and that in many cases they were unaware of the burden. I asked them which work they felt was most crucial and explained that I would prioritize her homework every night. I explained that I would not have her repeat work when she had already shown mastery and that where homework was being used as a study aid, we might substitute some other method.

I explained politely but firmly that I did not give a hot flying fuck about the homework portion of her grade that year, and that I did not care about lowering her GPA due to homework issues. I did ask to be notified only if they saw her struggling with classwork, and checked in with them periodically.

I explained to her that as long as she paid attention in class, took her important projects seriously and did reasonably well on tests, we would keep her homework load as low as possible for the remainder of the year. The relief on her face was incredible.

I was a hardass about not dawdling and getting the prioritized homework done, so that she didn't miss the benefit of the new regime. Within a week, she had her life back. Her test grades steadily improved. Our weekday family life was fun again. She had real time to read and relax and have a life.

The next year was better, and the year after that we found a school that was more reasonable about homework so as not to fight this ridiculous battle every year.

For elementary and middle schoolers, homework is theft. It's a destroyer of childhood. Don't be afraid to stand firm and insist that busywork not steal a moment of your child's free time. That is the only way this changes.

You sound crazy, fyi. Destroyer of childhood?

Your child is going to have an extremely tough time when they get to college. Or are you planning on having this same conversation with her professors lol

The DD she will probably be getting a Mrs. degree. Fun is the most important thing. since the kid will probably be inheriting the beach house someday, why worry about all this homework bullshit?

[Anonymous]

Yeah because knowing how to make a model of the solar system out of coat hangers and marshmallows is really important once you get to college.

I think it may be the quality of the homework that makes people crazy. Learning to write a coherent 10 page paper = yes. Filling out worksheet after worksheet = NO!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had the same situation (competitive public). I spent some time supervising closely to gauge the type and amount of work, and then I talked to the teachers.

I explained that we do not believe that a nine year old needs a nine-hour work day. I explained that we had reached a state of emergency, that my bright, curious, motivated daughter was completely demoralized. I learned that the teachers did *not* coordinate workload and that in many cases they were unaware of the burden. I asked them which work they felt was most crucial and explained that I would prioritize her homework every night. I explained that I would not have her repeat work when she had already shown mastery and that where homework was being used as a study aid, we might substitute some other method.

I explained politely but firmly that I did not give a hot flying fuck about the homework portion of her grade that year, and that I did not care about lowering her GPA due to homework issues. I did ask to be notified only if they saw her struggling with classwork, and checked in with them periodically.

I explained to her that as long as she paid attention in class, took her important projects seriously and did reasonably well on tests, we would keep her homework load as low as possible for the remainder of the year. The relief on her face was incredible.

I was a hardass about not dawdling and getting the prioritized homework done, so that she didn't miss the benefit of the new regime. Within a week, she had her life back. Her test grades steadily improved. Our weekday family life was fun again. She had real time to read and relax and have a life.

The next year was better, and the year after that we found a school that was more reasonable about homework so as not to fight this ridiculous battle every year.

For elementary and middle schoolers, homework is theft. It's a destroyer of childhood. Don't be afraid to stand firm and insist that busywork not steal a moment of your child's free time. That is the only way this changes.

You sound crazy, fyi. Destroyer of childhood?

Your child is going to have an extremely tough time when they get to college. Or are you planning on having this same conversation with her professors lol

You aren't 9 years old in college. You are also sitting in a classroom fewer hours. Even with 18 credit hours you would be in the physical classroom fewer hours than my ES child who is physically at school with her time accounted for from 8-3:30. There is certainly value in kids learning how to work independently outside of the classroom, but there is also value in giving kids time to get physical energy out, play with peers, have family time, leisure read, sleep, and be creative. 3 hours of worksheets don't foster any of those things. I have no complaints about my DC's homework load in grade 3, but we were drawn to a school because they had a very clear philosophy on how much homework was ok, what the research showed on homework at different ages, when to expect it to scale up and how much, etc. The GT center my friend's DC is at has routinely been sending over 3+ hours of homework for an 8 year old. Most of it is worksheet based, not project or self-directed learning. The poor kid gets off the bus at 4:30 and basically has time for homework and dinner before bedtime. It's sucking the life out of him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah because knowing how to make a model of the solar system out of coat hangers and marshmallows is really important once you get to college.

I think it may be the quality of the homework that makes people crazy. Learning to write a coherent 10 page paper = yes. Filling out worksheet after worksheet = NO!

o

depends on the worksheet. In math, it is important to pick up speed and accuracy. Writing is another skill where you get better and better by doing it. If the teacher doesn't assign enough homeowrk, I do. I don't see a reasonable amount of homework (like about 60-90 minutes) as a "destroyer of childhoods." Rather, it's an integral part of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had the same situation (competitive public). I spent some time supervising closely to gauge the type and amount of work, and then I talked to the teachers.

I explained that we do not believe that a nine year old needs a nine-hour work day. I explained that we had reached a state of emergency, that my bright, curious, motivated daughter was completely demoralized. I learned that the teachers did *not* coordinate workload and that in many cases they were unaware of the burden. I asked them which work they felt was most crucial and explained that I would prioritize her homework every night. I explained that I would not have her repeat work when she had already shown mastery and that where homework was being used as a study aid, we might substitute some other method.

I explained politely but firmly that I did not give a hot flying fuck about the homework portion of her grade that year, and that I did not care about lowering her GPA due to homework issues. I did ask to be notified only if they saw her struggling with classwork, and checked in with them periodically.

I explained to her that as long as she paid attention in class, took her important projects seriously and did reasonably well on tests, we would keep her homework load as low as possible for the remainder of the year. The relief on her face was incredible.

I was a hardass about not dawdling and getting the prioritized homework done, so that she didn't miss the benefit of the new regime. Within a week, she had her life back. Her test grades steadily improved. Our weekday family life was fun again. She had real time to read and relax and have a life.

The next year was better, and the year after that we found a school that was more reasonable about homework so as not to fight this ridiculous battle every year.

For elementary and middle schoolers, homework is theft. It's a destroyer of childhood. Don't be afraid to stand firm and insist that busywork not steal a moment of your child's free time. That is the only way this changes.

You sound crazy, fyi. Destroyer of childhood?

Your child is going to have an extremely tough time when they get to college. Or are you planning on having this same conversation with her professors lol

You aren't 9 years old in college. You are also sitting in a classroom fewer hours. Even with 18 credit hours you would be in the physical classroom fewer hours than my ES child who is physically at school with her time accounted for from 8-3:30. There is certainly value in kids learning how to work independently outside of the classroom, but there is also value in giving kids time to get physical energy out, play with peers, have family time, leisure read, sleep, and be creative. 3 hours of worksheets don't foster any of those things. I have no complaints about my DC's homework load in grade 3, but we were drawn to a school because they had a very clear philosophy on how much homework was ok, what the research showed on homework at different ages, when to expect it to scale up and how much, etc. The GT center my friend's DC is at has routinely been sending over 3+ hours of homework for an 8 year old. Most of it is worksheet based, not project or self-directed learning. The poor kid gets off the bus at 4:30 and basically has time for homework and dinner before bedtime. It's sucking the life out of him.

I agree that 3 hours a night is way too much. Someone has to call/e-mail the teachers about this. Having said that, make sure it isn't 1 hour of homework that takes this kid 3 hours to complete. Maybe it's not the assignments but the kid's ability/work habits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had the same situation (competitive public). I spent some time supervising closely to gauge the type and amount of work, and then I talked to the teachers.

I explained that we do not believe that a nine year old needs a nine-hour work day. I explained that we had reached a state of emergency, that my bright, curious, motivated daughter was completely demoralized. I learned that the teachers did *not* coordinate workload and that in many cases they were unaware of the burden. I asked them which work they felt was most crucial and explained that I would prioritize her homework every night. I explained that I would not have her repeat work when she had already shown mastery and that where homework was being used as a study aid, we might substitute some other method.

I explained politely but firmly that I did not give a hot flying fuck about the homework portion of her grade that year, and that I did not care about lowering her GPA due to homework issues. I did ask to be notified only if they saw her struggling with classwork, and checked in with them periodically.

I explained to her that as long as she paid attention in class, took her important projects seriously and did reasonably well on tests, we would keep her homework load as low as possible for the remainder of the year. The relief on her face was incredible.

I was a hardass about not dawdling and getting the prioritized homework done, so that she didn't miss the benefit of the new regime. Within a week, she had her life back. Her test grades steadily improved. Our weekday family life was fun again. She had real time to read and relax and have a life.

The next year was better, and the year after that we found a school that was more reasonable about homework so as not to fight this ridiculous battle every year.

For elementary and middle schoolers, homework is theft. It's a destroyer of childhood. Don't be afraid to stand firm and insist that busywork not steal a moment of your child's free time. That is the only way this changes.

You sound crazy, fyi. Destroyer of childhood?

Your child is going to have an extremely tough time when they get to college. Or are you planning on having this same conversation with her professors lol

You aren't 9 years old in college. You are also sitting in a classroom fewer hours. Even with 18 credit hours you would be in the physical classroom fewer hours than my ES child who is physically at school with her time accounted for from 8-3:30. There is certainly value in kids learning how to work independently outside of the classroom, but there is also value in giving kids time to get physical energy out, play with peers, have family time, leisure read, sleep, and be creative. 3 hours of worksheets don't foster any of those things. I have no complaints about my DC's homework load in grade 3, but we were drawn to a school because they had a very clear philosophy on how much homework was ok, what the research showed on homework at different ages, when to expect it to scale up and how much, etc. The GT center my friend's DC is at has routinely been sending over 3+ hours of homework for an 8 year old. Most of it is worksheet based, not project or self-directed learning. The poor kid gets off the bus at 4:30 and basically has time for homework and dinner before bedtime. It's sucking the life out of him.

I agree that 3 hours a night is way too much. Someone has to call/e-mail the teachers about this. Having said that, make sure it isn't 1 hour of homework that takes this kid 3 hours to complete. Maybe it's not the assignments but the kid's ability/work habits.

It's about the same for the other kids we know there. Their parents seem to associate 3 hours of homework with academic rigor though and aren't complaining as much. 3 hours is too much at that age to my mind, but it wouldn't be as bad if it was more research or writing or experiments. It looked to me like it was just lots of worksheets in the core subjects. And science worksheets just depress me so I may be biased. They suck all the joy out of topics that most elementary kids are really fascinated in naturally. Send them outside to do observation or collect samples to classify/categorize. It's sad to give them a sheet full of black and white cartoonish drawings to have them learn the same thing.

[Anonymous]

It would be so helpful to hear about what schools posters think are either doing a good job managing homework in middle or upper school, or what schools are assigning too much. Thanks

[Anonymous]

To the best of my knowledge Pinecrest school, a preK-6th school in Annandale VA, doesn't have any homework at all. I was told that last school year at an open house when I was looking for a school for my DD.

[Anonymous]

CHDS has a very slow and very reasonable ramp up that doesn't really get going until 6 orm7 grade. By all accounts the kids are very prepared for their ongoing schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP. I completely agree with you. I could have written your post. Problem is there is no solution until the schools change. Recent studies have indicated that homework (massive amounts) have no benefit before 8th grade. But public and private schools think parents want homework so they assign it. And changing private schools is not going to work. Been there, done that. And public is just more of the same. My kids do nothing but school, homework, church (maybe), and college apps. The system is simply broken - especially when you factor in the fact that via the AP system, colleges have effectively shifted the first year or two (depending on how many AP classes you take) down to the public and private high schools.

New poster. You took the words right out of my mouth. As far as I know there is no research supporting giving so much homework so young, but I suspect many parents in this area would be concerned if their kid came home with only 10- 20 minutes of homework.

[Anonymous]

OP, complain complain complain, to the teachers, head, parents association.... more ppl than you think may agree with you. Teachers may be assigning work b/c they think parents expect it.

Kids at Burgundy Farm. Homework not bad for 5th grader and 3rd grader.