putting my foot down about homework: vent and rally cry

[Anonymous]

I have a 6th Grader at Deal Middle School in Ward 3. He spent last weekend doing 3! reading assignments (one must be written EVERY NIGHT of the weekend) and 3! SCIENCE assignments. THREE SCIENCE ASSIGNMENTS. You know the kind where you the parent have to go out in the pouring rain on the weekend and buy STRYOFOAM BALLS and so on...They have had 2 hours of homework every night and 3-4 every weekend since the school year began. It interrupts every day of the weekend. Go to your music lesson and swimming on Sat (which he loves!) then the drudgery of homework Sat afternoon. I'm convinced that the teachers and admins there just have no clue about the realities of family life. Kids need downtime with their families. We have PLENTY of educational activities that we engage in as families. We don't need school to structure our activities for us! We don't have time to go to a museum or visit relatives anymore. Religious school is just crammed in there. It's crazy and I really, really hate it.
Seriously: the Tic-Tac-Toe type assignment where the kid has to do 3 of the projects: paper, drawing, whatever? Stop it , please! It's too much. One of these assignments would be enough to get the learning concept through. 3 of them is over kill busy work. Many parents end up dragging their kids through all this work after school.

[Anonymous]

Kindergartner and public

[Anonymous]

I totally agree with you OP. I think that the key is finding a school that agrees, it is really hard to buck the existing system. This is an issue that I am taking seriously when choosing an elementary school.

[Anonymous]

Why even go to school if homework is too much. Have your kid stay at home and when you think he or she is ready for school and homework then put him in. Simple solution to your problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:key here is whether they are assigning too much homework or it's just taking her a lot longer than it should.

My DS has about 1 or 1.5 hrs of homework most nights but it takes him around 3 hours to complete it.

Also studying for a test the next day isn't homework. That's your choice whether you want to do that or not.

I'm not sure most kids think studying for a test or quiz is something optional they are choosing to do. Some of these kids get so many quizzes (4-6/week) that it is a significant chuck of their time preparing for them.

[Anonymous]

http://www.racetonowhere.com/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why even go to school if homework is too much. Have your kid stay at home and when you think he or she is ready for school and homework then put him in. Simple solution to your problem.

Simpleton.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:my bright, hard working 4th grader has WAAY too much homework. its not healthy and its negatively impacting the rest of the family. i want to put my foot down and tell the school she just won't be spending this much time on homework and that they need to prioritize what she needs to do so that it can be done in an hour, preferably less. period. (call me crazy) i think that spending 7 hours a day on directed learning is plenty. i resent that my entire family's lives are now held hostage on a daily basis by my 9 year old's teacher.

its wrong and its unhealthy. there is much more to life than schoolwork and the balance is waay off kilter. she is not struggling. she is not living in a deprived environment. she has no special needs. she's a normal, average, healthy kid who needs time with NOTHING PLANNED (not the time that just 'in between' the planned stuff where you are just waiting for the next planned event0 she needs it every day. she needs time to learn how to do chores and then time to do them, to learn about grocery shopping and cooking/baking, time to garden, play with friends in an unstructured, nondirected way. Time to play outside/exercise (thats not PE or 15 mins of 'recess') Time to read for pleasure: whatever she wants for as long as she wants and visit and get lost in the library. Time to do some community service. Time to hang out and bond with her family, go to museums, see a move, visit her grandparents. time to learn a craft like knitting or sewing or woodworking. time to play board games and chess and do puzzles and lie on the bed and watch the shadows move. go for a walk in the woods. go to a nature center. learn about having a bank account. go to the 6pm free shows at the kennedy center. she, and all kids (and dare I say it...adults, too!) need time to experience and learn about life, which is sooo much more than academics, but yet connects with and enriches academics, too. i'm not talking about watching tv, web surfing or playing video games..but they have a place, too..and good for times when the brain is drained.

you can't learn about life if every minute of it is structured and planned, because you can't plan every teachable moment or experience. "real" Life should not be relegated to a few unstructured hours on weekends or summer break.

unless a family is struggling with poverty or serious illness, just living life and being a child should be a rich, educational learning experience in an of itself.

vent over. thank you for reading. if you agree, speak up so that i am not the lone voice in the wilderness.

The pussification of America continues.

[Anonymous]

It may be that your child is a perfectionist OP. Not that there is anything wrong with that. I have had same problem with my son starting in MS, and I am a voice crying in the wilderness with the administration at our private. They claim it is just my son and that he goes overboard with his assignments. But one teacher did tell me that they purposely set the bar high in the hopes that kids will master about 75% of what is asked. For the kid who always does 110%, than can be deadly. For my son, what has been lost in the pursuit of the >4.0 average in high school is the confidence to take time to develop serious interests outside of school. To me that is very sad. No answers for you, except to be aware of the extent to which your child's personality plays a role and to start young teaching her coping and relaxation skills. Make sure you do recreational things as a family (at least on weekends) that are not performance-oriented. That has helped in our family.

[Anonymous]

I would echo the PP. I have had two 4th graders at so called "Big 3" schools. Neither spent anywhere close to that kind of time on their homework.

[Anonymous]

I chose a school that limits homework. We do have 2 teachers who are homework lovers, but other than that, if the hw can't be completed within an hour it doesn't get done.

[Anonymous]

OOOOO. Tell me the same of that school, please! One more "make work" assignment and I'm going to scream

[Anonymous]

Our child is younger but I am pretty sure that the 4th graders at our K-8 school don't have the heavy HW load your child has. I agree with earlier post that says you might just be at the wrong school for yor child/family. You might also want to consider the post on having a perfectionist...does it take classmates the same amount of time to do their HW?

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

We had the same situation (competitive public). I spent some time supervising closely to gauge the type and amount of work, and then I talked to the teachers.

I explained that we do not believe that a nine year old needs a nine-hour work day. I explained that we had reached a state of emergency, that my bright, curious, motivated daughter was completely demoralized. I learned that the teachers did *not* coordinate workload and that in many cases they were unaware of the burden. I asked them which work they felt was most crucial and explained that I would prioritize her homework every night. I explained that I would not have her repeat work when she had already shown mastery and that where homework was being used as a study aid, we might substitute some other method.

I explained politely but firmly that I did not give a hot flying fuck about the homework portion of her grade that year, and that I did not care about lowering her GPA due to homework issues. I did ask to be notified only if they saw her struggling with classwork, and checked in with them periodically.

I explained to her that as long as she paid attention in class, took her important projects seriously and did reasonably well on tests, we would keep her homework load as low as possible for the remainder of the year. The relief on her face was incredible.

I was a hardass about not dawdling and getting the prioritized homework done, so that she didn't miss the benefit of the new regime. Within a week, she had her life back. Her test grades steadily improved. Our weekday family life was fun again. She had real time to read and relax and have a life.

The next year was better, and the year after that we found a school that was more reasonable about homework so as not to fight this ridiculous battle every year.

For elementary and middle schoolers, homework is theft. It's a destroyer of childhood. Don't be afraid to stand firm and insist that busywork not steal a moment of your child's free time. That is the only way this changes.

[Anonymous]

23:28 Brava! I admire you.