Need advice - Is this bullying at the bus stop?

[Anonymous]

Don't debate the meaning of bullying. Don't listen to PPs who demand that you make your parenting decisions precisely the way they believe that they would in your place (although who knows if they really would permit their DD to walk to the busstop alone? They don't know your kid or your neighborhood or any of the relevant details.)

Your daughter was pushed, and the bus driver seems indifferent to persistently rowdy kids. That would NEVER happen at our kid's busstop in MoCo, and if there were a problem, I know the principals would expect to be involved (I know other parents who had difficulties with bullying on the bus. Our driver is way too tough to let anything like that happen.) You are not helicoptering or overreacting. Call the principal - now. Also find out who supervises the bus monitors (it should be a teacher or an administrator, and the woman who handles this at our school would go absolutely ballistic if this were happening to kids here.) Good luck!

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks everyone for your advice. I had a long time with DD when she came home from school yesterday. I asked her what happened and she said that the older girl in the 6th grader group tried to push her out of the way (using the elbow) trying to cut in line. I honestly do not want to make a big deal out of this so I explained to her that there were 2 ways how we could deal with it:

1. Those kids are jerks. DD can just ignore them and hang back because they are not worth getting in a fight with them.

2. We wait for a few more days. I will be there at the bus stop with her. If things don't improve or get worse, we will contact the school/principal and ask them to get involve.

DD said she wants to go with #2 and that she could handle herself.

The reason I brought up "bullying" was because I was so mad at the time and had every intention to call the principal. The school might not take it seriously if someone calls and complains about this kid is rude/mean to my kid, these kinds of calls. So I thought if it was really bullying, that will get their attention. Nowadays, the school takes bullying very seriously. DD's school has counselors that come in every month or so to talk about it. DD brought home a flyer about "how to identify bullying" and one of the thing in there was something like: someone that repeatedly says bad thing about another person or telling others not to talk/play with that person because such and such. I was kind of surprised when I saw that.

To the person that told me to "go HOME": thank you. You have help me understand now how kids can be a jerks at such a young age. I can easily see you as a parent of one the 6th grader at our bus stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The reason I brought up "bullying" was because I was so mad at the time and had every intention to call the principal. The school might not take it seriously if someone calls and complains about this kid is rude/mean to my kid, these kinds of calls. So I thought if it was really bullying, that will get their attention. Nowadays, the school takes bullying very seriously. DD's school has counselors that come in every month or so to talk about it. DD brought home a flyer about "how to identify bullying" and one of the thing in there was something like: someone that repeatedly says bad thing about another person or telling others not to talk/play with that person because such and such. I was kind of surprised when I saw that.

To the person that told me to "go HOME": thank you. You have help me understand now how kids can be a jerks at such a young age. I can easily see you as a parent of one the 6th grader at our bus stop.

I'm the one who told you that, and my kids would not elbow your kid out of the way unless she was trying to cut them in line. But they would think she was lame for having her mommy at the bus stop with her and wouldn't want anything to do with her. I stand by what I said. You are making life more difficult for your child with your presence, and by not letting her work problems out by herself. They aren't pushing her into the street in front of on-coming cars here. They're making her get on the bus after them. Huge difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The reason I brought up "bullying" was because I was so mad at the time and had every intention to call the principal. The school might not take it seriously if someone calls and complains about this kid is rude/mean to my kid, these kinds of calls. So I thought if it was really bullying, that will get their attention. Nowadays, the school takes bullying very seriously. DD's school has counselors that come in every month or so to talk about it. DD brought home a flyer about "how to identify bullying" and one of the thing in there was something like: someone that repeatedly says bad thing about another person or telling others not to talk/play with that person because such and such. I was kind of surprised when I saw that.

To the person that told me to "go HOME": thank you. You have help me understand now how kids can be a jerks at such a young age. I can easily see you as a parent of one the 6th grader at our bus stop.

I'm the one who told you that, and my kids would not elbow your kid out of the way unless she was trying to cut them in line. But they would think she was lame for having her mommy at the bus stop with her and wouldn't want anything to do with her. I stand by what I said. You are making life more difficult for your child with your presence, and by not letting her work problems out by herself. They aren't pushing her into the street in front of on-coming cars here. They're making her get on the bus after them. Huge difference.

New poster here. Why is it that your children are entitled to "make" other children get on the bus after them? Because they are stronger? Isn't that the very essence of bullying?

[Anonymous]

Not bullying, but being unkind for sure. Videotape it and take it to the principal.

If no action, grab the kid doing the pushing, and turn them upside down, then drop them on their head... I kid, I kid. If no action, I would bring it to the attention of their parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The reason I brought up "bullying" was because I was so mad at the time and had every intention to call the principal. The school might not take it seriously if someone calls and complains about this kid is rude/mean to my kid, these kinds of calls. So I thought if it was really bullying, that will get their attention. Nowadays, the school takes bullying very seriously. DD's school has counselors that come in every month or so to talk about it. DD brought home a flyer about "how to identify bullying" and one of the thing in there was something like: someone that repeatedly says bad thing about another person or telling others not to talk/play with that person because such and such. I was kind of surprised when I saw that.

To the person that told me to "go HOME": thank you. You have help me understand now how kids can be a jerks at such a young age. I can easily see you as a parent of one the 6th grader at our bus stop.

I'm the one who told you that, and my kids would not elbow your kid out of the way unless she was trying to cut them in line. But they would think she was lame for having her mommy at the bus stop with her and wouldn't want anything to do with her. I stand by what I said. You are making life more difficult for your child with your presence, and by not letting her work problems out by herself. They aren't pushing her into the street in front of on-coming cars here. They're making her get on the bus after them. Huge difference.

New poster here. Why is it that your children are entitled to "make" other children get on the bus after them? Because they are stronger? Isn't that the very essence of bullying?

People jostle for first place. That is basic human nature. It's not that children are entitled to "make" other children do things, it's that it's not a big deal if one group of kids wants to get on the bus first to get the choice seats. There's such a thing as picking your battles. OP's precious snowflake will still get onto the bus, still get to school at the same time as those older, evil sixth graders even if she gets on the bus last. My issue is that she's taking something tiny and blowing it up into a huge thing. This "bullying" term is thrown about WAY too much. And this bus stop crap is not bullying. Bullying should be reserved for the shit that makes kids go home and kill themselves. And if this bus stop bullshit does that, then that fourth grader has way bigger problems than who gets on the bus first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are the problem. Your fourth grader does not need her MOMMY waiting with her at the bus stop, and CERTAINLY doesn't need her MOMMY rushing over to tell the bigger kids to stop pushing her special snowflake out of the way. There is no reason the kids need to "line up" to get onto the bus anyway.

You caused this. You lit a fire under your DD's ass that she needs to not let the bigger kids assert their bigness, and she picked a fight when she should have just made a joke - sweeping arm gesture "After YOU!".

Go HOME, lady. Your English is fine - your overprotection of your DD which actually causes more problems is NOT.

Why are you making your point in this rude, crude way?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The reason I brought up "bullying" was because I was so mad at the time and had every intention to call the principal. The school might not take it seriously if someone calls and complains about this kid is rude/mean to my kid, these kinds of calls. So I thought if it was really bullying, that will get their attention. Nowadays, the school takes bullying very seriously. DD's school has counselors that come in every month or so to talk about it. DD brought home a flyer about "how to identify bullying" and one of the thing in there was something like: someone that repeatedly says bad thing about another person or telling others not to talk/play with that person because such and such. I was kind of surprised when I saw that.

To the person that told me to "go HOME": thank you. You have help me understand now how kids can be a jerks at such a young age. I can easily see you as a parent of one the 6th grader at our bus stop.

I'm the one who told you that, and my kids would not elbow your kid out of the way unless she was trying to cut them in line. But they would think she was lame for having her mommy at the bus stop with her and wouldn't want anything to do with her. I stand by what I said. You are making life more difficult for your child with your presence, and by not letting her work problems out by herself. They aren't pushing her into the street in front of on-coming cars here. They're making her get on the bus after them. Huge difference.

New poster here. Why is it that your children are entitled to "make" other children get on the bus after them? Because they are stronger? Isn't that the very essence of bullying?

People jostle for first place. That is basic human nature. It's not that children are entitled to "make" other children do things, it's that it's not a big deal if one group of kids wants to get on the bus first to get the choice seats. There's such a thing as picking your battles. OP's precious snowflake will still get onto the bus, still get to school at the same time as those older, evil sixth graders even if she gets on the bus last. My issue is that she's taking something tiny and blowing it up into a huge thing. This "bullying" term is thrown about WAY too much. And this bus stop crap is not bullying. Bullying should be reserved for the shit that makes kids go home and kill themselves. And if this bus stop bullshit does that, then that fourth grader has way bigger problems than who gets on the bus first.

I see. So it is your kids who are doing the "jostling."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The reason I brought up "bullying" was because I was so mad at the time and had every intention to call the principal. The school might not take it seriously if someone calls and complains about this kid is rude/mean to my kid, these kinds of calls. So I thought if it was really bullying, that will get their attention. Nowadays, the school takes bullying very seriously. DD's school has counselors that come in every month or so to talk about it. DD brought home a flyer about "how to identify bullying" and one of the thing in there was something like: someone that repeatedly says bad thing about another person or telling others not to talk/play with that person because such and such. I was kind of surprised when I saw that.

To the person that told me to "go HOME": thank you. You have help me understand now how kids can be a jerks at such a young age. I can easily see you as a parent of one the 6th grader at our bus stop.

I'm the one who told you that, and my kids would not elbow your kid out of the way unless she was trying to cut them in line. But they would think she was lame for having her mommy at the bus stop with her and wouldn't want anything to do with her. I stand by what I said. You are making life more difficult for your child with your presence, and by not letting her work problems out by herself. They aren't pushing her into the street in front of on-coming cars here. They're making her get on the bus after them. Huge difference.

New poster here. Why is it that your children are entitled to "make" other children get on the bus after them? Because they are stronger? Isn't that the very essence of bullying?

People jostle for first place. That is basic human nature. It's not that children are entitled to "make" other children do things, it's that it's not a big deal if one group of kids wants to get on the bus first to get the choice seats. There's such a thing as picking your battles. OP's precious snowflake will still get onto the bus, still get to school at the same time as those older, evil sixth graders even if she gets on the bus last. My issue is that she's taking something tiny and blowing it up into a huge thing. This "bullying" term is thrown about WAY too much. And this bus stop crap is not bullying. Bullying should be reserved for the shit that makes kids go home and kill themselves. And if this bus stop bullshit does that, then that fourth grader has way bigger problems than who gets on the bus first.

Ok, so it's not "bullying." But those 6th graders are behaving inappropriately. Why on EARTH shouldn't they be corrected?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The reason I brought up "bullying" was because I was so mad at the time and had every intention to call the principal. The school might not take it seriously if someone calls and complains about this kid is rude/mean to my kid, these kinds of calls. So I thought if it was really bullying, that will get their attention. Nowadays, the school takes bullying very seriously. DD's school has counselors that come in every month or so to talk about it. DD brought home a flyer about "how to identify bullying" and one of the thing in there was something like: someone that repeatedly says bad thing about another person or telling others not to talk/play with that person because such and such. I was kind of surprised when I saw that.

To the person that told me to "go HOME": thank you. You have help me understand now how kids can be a jerks at such a young age. I can easily see you as a parent of one the 6th grader at our bus stop.

I'm the one who told you that, and my kids would not elbow your kid out of the way unless she was trying to cut them in line. But they would think she was lame for having her mommy at the bus stop with her and wouldn't want anything to do with her. I stand by what I said. You are making life more difficult for your child with your presence, and by not letting her work problems out by herself. They aren't pushing her into the street in front of on-coming cars here. They're making her get on the bus after them. Huge difference.

New poster here. Why is it that your children are entitled to "make" other children get on the bus after them? Because they are stronger? Isn't that the very essence of bullying?

People jostle for first place. That is basic human nature. It's not that children are entitled to "make" other children do things, it's that it's not a big deal if one group of kids wants to get on the bus first to get the choice seats. There's such a thing as picking your battles. OP's precious snowflake will still get onto the bus, still get to school at the same time as those older, evil sixth graders even if she gets on the bus last. My issue is that she's taking something tiny and blowing it up into a huge thing. This "bullying" term is thrown about WAY too much. And this bus stop crap is not bullying. Bullying should be reserved for the shit that makes kids go home and kill themselves. And if this bus stop bullshit does that, then that fourth grader has way bigger problems than who gets on the bus first.

Ok, so it's not "bullying." But those 6th graders are behaving inappropriately. Why on EARTH shouldn't they be corrected?

Because sometimes kids should work things out on their own. Without their mommy fighting their battle for them. I give my kid a lot of help, but every so often when she presents a problem to me, my response is "Work it out" or "So what do you think you should do to fix this?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The reason I brought up "bullying" was because I was so mad at the time and had every intention to call the principal. The school might not take it seriously if someone calls and complains about this kid is rude/mean to my kid, these kinds of calls. So I thought if it was really bullying, that will get their attention. Nowadays, the school takes bullying very seriously. DD's school has counselors that come in every month or so to talk about it. DD brought home a flyer about "how to identify bullying" and one of the thing in there was something like: someone that repeatedly says bad thing about another person or telling others not to talk/play with that person because such and such. I was kind of surprised when I saw that.

To the person that told me to "go HOME": thank you. You have help me understand now how kids can be a jerks at such a young age. I can easily see you as a parent of one the 6th grader at our bus stop.

I'm the one who told you that, and my kids would not elbow your kid out of the way unless she was trying to cut them in line. But they would think she was lame for having her mommy at the bus stop with her and wouldn't want anything to do with her. I stand by what I said. You are making life more difficult for your child with your presence, and by not letting her work problems out by herself. They aren't pushing her into the street in front of on-coming cars here. They're making her get on the bus after them. Huge difference.

New poster here. Why is it that your children are entitled to "make" other children get on the bus after them? Because they are stronger? Isn't that the very essence of bullying?

People jostle for first place. That is basic human nature. It's not that children are entitled to "make" other children do things, it's that it's not a big deal if one group of kids wants to get on the bus first to get the choice seats. There's such a thing as picking your battles. OP's precious snowflake will still get onto the bus, still get to school at the same time as those older, evil sixth graders even if she gets on the bus last. My issue is that she's taking something tiny and blowing it up into a huge thing. This "bullying" term is thrown about WAY too much. And this bus stop crap is not bullying. Bullying should be reserved for the shit that makes kids go home and kill themselves. And if this bus stop bullshit does that, then that fourth grader has way bigger problems than who gets on the bus first.

Ok, so it's not "bullying." But those 6th graders are behaving inappropriately. Why on EARTH shouldn't they be corrected?

Because sometimes kids should work things out on their own. Without their mommy fighting their battle for them. I give my kid a lot of help, but every so often when she presents a problem to me, my response is "Work it out" or "So what do you think you should do to fix this?"

Let me ask you then. What would be your plan -- from the perspective of the smaller, younger child -- to fix this? How does the younger, smaller child "fix" this situation short of giving up all rights to get on the bus first and simply allowing the older stronger child to have complete domination over the situation? Is that your vision of "fixing" the situation? Because we could all figure that one out. That's not a fix. That's letting the bully win.

So, if you have a plan, let us know how it would work.

[Anonymous]

Let me ask you then. What would be your plan -- from the perspective of the smaller, younger child -- to fix this? How does the younger, smaller child "fix" this situation short of giving up all rights to get on the bus first and simply allowing the older stronger child to have complete domination over the situation? Is that your vision of "fixing" the situation? Because we could all figure that one out. That's not a fix. That's letting the bully win.

So, if you have a plan, let us know how it would work.

I would suggest, as I said before, that the younger child use humor to deal with it. "After you!" And "complete domination"? Just to let someone else go first to get on a bus? I rode a middle school bus where there weren't even enough seats for everyone and at least a dozen children stood in the aisle. As long as you get on the bus, be satisfied. This is not a slippery slope issue. I think the term bully is over-used greatly, and that kids would do better in life if they had to work some things out themselves. Even if the 4th grader rallied all the other non-sixth graders and confronted the 6th graders and got them to agree that they'd switch weeks - one week it would be the 4th graders turn to get on first and the next it'd be the 6th graders turn to get on first - I'd be happy with that. My issue though, is that the kids should work it out themselves - a fourth grader should not have their mommy solving their interpersonal squabbles with peers for them unless it's serious, which this is not. Serious would be a sixth grader holding a BB gun to the 4th grader's head, or waving around a broken bottle threatening to cut them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Let me ask you then. What would be your plan -- from the perspective of the smaller, younger child -- to fix this? How does the younger, smaller child "fix" this situation short of giving up all rights to get on the bus first and simply allowing the older stronger child to have complete domination over the situation? Is that your vision of "fixing" the situation? Because we could all figure that one out. That's not a fix. That's letting the bully win.

So, if you have a plan, let us know how it would work.

I would suggest, as I said before, that the younger child use humor to deal with it. "After you!" And "complete domination"? Just to let someone else go first to get on a bus? I rode a middle school bus where there weren't even enough seats for everyone and at least a dozen children stood in the aisle. As long as you get on the bus, be satisfied. This is not a slippery slope issue. I think the term bully is over-used greatly, and that kids would do better in life if they had to work some things out themselves. Even if the 4th grader rallied all the other non-sixth graders and confronted the 6th graders and got them to agree that they'd switch weeks - one week it would be the 4th graders turn to get on first and the next it'd be the 6th graders turn to get on first - I'd be happy with that. My issue though, is that the kids should work it out themselves - a fourth grader should not have their mommy solving their interpersonal squabbles with peers for them unless it's serious, which this is not. Serious would be a sixth grader holding a BB gun to the 4th grader's head, or waving around a broken bottle threatening to cut them.

You keep saying the kids should work it out for themselves. A grand idea, in theory. And you have some other great ideas, switching weeks, banding together, and so forth. But this situation sounds physical and hostile and inappropriate. Saying kids SHOULD work it out for themselves is really silly when a situation has reached the breaking point and cannot be worked out. As a parent, you have a responsibility to make sure your children are not physically aggressive. Humor is not going to diffuse physical aggression. Sorry, but no. As parents, yes, we should stay out when we can, but we have a responsibility to step in when things are inappropriate and beyond our children's ability to negotiate. This is such a situation. Expecting younger children to use humor to negotiate physical aggression is too much. And standing by and letting older children behave like this? Absolutely absurd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Let me ask you then. What would be your plan -- from the perspective of the smaller, younger child -- to fix this? How does the younger, smaller child "fix" this situation short of giving up all rights to get on the bus first and simply allowing the older stronger child to have complete domination over the situation? Is that your vision of "fixing" the situation? Because we could all figure that one out. That's not a fix. That's letting the bully win.

So, if you have a plan, let us know how it would work.

I would suggest, as I said before, that the younger child use humor to deal with it. "After you!" And "complete domination"? Just to let someone else go first to get on a bus? I rode a middle school bus where there weren't even enough seats for everyone and at least a dozen children stood in the aisle. As long as you get on the bus, be satisfied. This is not a slippery slope issue. I think the term bully is over-used greatly, and that kids would do better in life if they had to work some things out themselves. Even if the 4th grader rallied all the other non-sixth graders and confronted the 6th graders and got them to agree that they'd switch weeks - one week it would be the 4th graders turn to get on first and the next it'd be the 6th graders turn to get on first - I'd be happy with that. My issue though, is that the kids should work it out themselves - a fourth grader should not have their mommy solving their interpersonal squabbles with peers for them unless it's serious, which this is not. Serious would be a sixth grader holding a BB gun to the 4th grader's head, or waving around a broken bottle threatening to cut them.

Agree. Bullying would be if the 6th graders are banding together to taunt the other child, making fun of her, throwing paperwads at her and getting the other kids on the bus to snub/ignore her. Pushing to the front of the line at that age is just one of those dynamics that kids need to learn to navigate. We are not talking about a 5 year old here. We are talking about a 10 year old preteen and a 12 year old preteen.

[Anonymous]

OP, your daughter has to be on the bus without you with these kids.

I would tell my child to get on the bus last.