Need advice - Is this bullying at the bus stop?

[Anonymous]

Sorry for my poor English. My DD is in 4th grade at FCPS and rides the school bus everyday since K and she loves it. This year there is a new group of older kids (in 6th grade) that starts to cause trouble at the bus stop. They never get in line and when the bus comes, they just cut in front of the younger kids to try to get on the bus first. I usually stay behind to chat with the other parents at the bus stop so I really didn't notice it until last week. When I see the older kids cut in front of my DD, I stopped them. They stopped and didn't say anything. But the next day, they did it again and I once again stopped them. They gave the "the look" but did it again the following days. They cut in line everyday. I told the bus driver, the bus monitors but no one said or did anything. So I told my daughter to just ignore it and let them get on the bus first. Now I need to mention that my DD is the nicest kid you would ever met. She is rarely get mad, always care about others. For example, if she was playing with a toy or reading a book in class, another kid walked by and took it from her, she didn't say anything. I asked her why and her answer would be maybe that person needs it more than her and that she can play/read it later, no big deal. Her past teachers noticed that and told me that I needed to teach DD how to stand up for herself otherwise people would just walk all over her when she grows up.

So back to the problem, this morning, the usual thing happen: the bus came, the older kids cut in line in front of my DD. But I don't know what got into DD this morning, she didn't yield to them as usual, she just kept walking ahead. Then to my horror, two kids started pushing and shoving my daughter to the side, tried to block the door steps to not let my daughter in. My daughter is half that girl's size. She almost fell down to the ground. I came running over and yell at them. They denied and said that they didn't push anyone. I am so frustrated. I don't know what to do. The driver doesn't seem to care. She said she didn't see anything. The bus patrols were right there but didn't say anything because they are probably scared of those kids too. I do not take my DD to the bus stop everyday and I'm afraid that those kids would try to do something worse to my DD if they don't see me there. What should I do? Who should I talk to? Their teachers? The principal? Is this problem serious enough to bring it to the principal's attention? Is this bullying?

Thanks for reading my post.

[Anonymous]

This is inappropriate behavior. No one should be shoving your child. Please talk with the principal and share what you have observed.

[Anonymous]

absolutely escalate it to the principal.

the principal does not have visibility to the issue unless you share what you observed.

I would focus on:
1. The older children pushed your child
2. The bus patrols are not effective
3. You are concerend for your child's safety on the bus and waiting at the bus stop

[Anonymous]

I'm proud of your daughter for standing up to them.

Agree with PPs. I'd take it to the principal at this point. The other individuals are not able, or unwilling, to ensure appropriate behavior.

[Anonymous]

Ok, a few things. While they shouldn't put their hands on another child ever, your daughter also needs to learn how to approach these situations. She knows what they are going to do so why even get into line? Let them on, who cares? This isn't one of those times where she is going to learn a life lesson about standing up for herself. This is about learning how to turn the other cheek.

That said, we had a problem once on a bus. I say once because I was in that kid's face in no time flat. I told him I would be at the bus stop every morning and every evening watching him. And there I was, every day.


I would leave the bullying word out of this. You mention bus monitors did you speak with them? I highly doubt they are scared of 6th graders. But you should speak up to someone. If not the bus monitors then the principal.

[Anonymous]

OP here. 10:01 "Let them on, who cares...This is about learning how to turn the other cheek". This is exactly what the other parents at the bus stop told me. Basically, they said not to cause more trouble or who knows what the older kids would do to DD when they are on the bus. The bus monitors are actually 5th, 6th graders so they are not very effective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. 10:01 "Let them on, who cares...This is about learning how to turn the other cheek". This is exactly what the other parents at the bus stop told me. Basically, they said not to cause more trouble or who knows what the older kids would do to DD when they are on the bus. The bus monitors are actually 5th, 6th graders so they are not very effective.

Yes, OP, you are getting advice as to what is normally accepted behavior in the DC area and I would follow it. If you knew they are rude and cut in line, you should have just told your child to hang back for a second because you already know what they are going to do. Plus, she has to learn when to pick a fight and when not to. You won't always be there to defend her. I am all for standing up for yourself but she needs to know when not to pick a fight she can't win. The only time I would have stepped in is if in cutting the line the bigger kids pushed my kid around.

PS I said in the DC area because I am from another city where being aggressive is more the norm, but even then I am not sure you would be considered right. It would be expected that the bigger kids would by virtue of being bigger just jostle their way to the front. Then again, it would also be more accepted for a parent to direct a few choice words at the kids at the bus stop.

[Anonymous]

This is normal, obnoxious 6th grade behavior. Next year they will be the "babies" who get pushed around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. 10:01 "Let them on, who cares...This is about learning how to turn the other cheek". This is exactly what the other parents at the bus stop told me. Basically, they said not to cause more trouble or who knows what the older kids would do to DD when they are on the bus. The bus monitors are actually 5th, 6th graders so they are not very effective.

Oh sorry, I thought the bus monitors were adults. Yes, talk to the Principal. I wouldn't bring up their completely normal/obnoxious/idiotic behavior of cutting in line. But I would definitely talk about the shoving (not bullying). They can't put their hands on your child. But don't blow it out of proportion. Your daughter should hang back. Believe me, she will be an normal/obnixious/idiotic 6th grader one day too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. 10:01 "Let them on, who cares...This is about learning how to turn the other cheek". This is exactly what the other parents at the bus stop told me. Basically, they said not to cause more trouble or who knows what the older kids would do to DD when they are on the bus. The bus monitors are actually 5th, 6th graders so they are not very effective.

Yes, OP, you are getting advice as to what is normally accepted behavior in the DC area and I would follow it. If you knew they are rude and cut in line, you should have just told your child to hang back for a second because you already know what they are going to do. Plus, she has to learn when to pick a fight and when not to. You won't always be there to defend her. I am all for standing up for yourself but she needs to know when not to pick a fight she can't win. The only time I would have stepped in is if in cutting the line the bigger kids pushed my kid around.

PS I said in the DC area because I am from another city where being aggressive is more the norm, but even then I am not sure you would be considered right. It would be expected that the bigger kids would by virtue of being bigger just jostle their way to the front. Then again, it would also be more accepted for a parent to direct a few choice words at the kids at the bus stop.

This in bold. Just tell DD to hang back and ignore them, and sit close to the front of the bus (they are prob. in the back of the bus). YOu don't want your DD to be their target on the bus, do you? Just diffuse and ignore them.

[Anonymous]

1053 here. And don't contact the principal. That will be making a way bigger deal out of this.

[Anonymous]

By 4th grade, don't you know all the kids at the bus stop? I'm not sure why this parent can't parent the other children then. I expect people I know to parent my children if I'm not around. I think it's a positive if done in a nice way. Maybe they just want to get on some choice 6th grade seat on the bus. You guys can all come to an agreement that those are the 6th grade bus seats or whatever. No pushing or cutting in line needs to happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry for my poor English. My DD is in 4th grade at FCPS and rides the school bus everyday since K and she loves it. This year there is a new group of older kids (in 6th grade) that starts to cause trouble at the bus stop. They never get in line and when the bus comes, they just cut in front of the younger kids to try to get on the bus first. I usually stay behind to chat with the other parents at the bus stop so I really didn't notice it until last week. When I see the older kids cut in front of my DD, I stopped them. They stopped and didn't say anything. But the next day, they did it again and I once again stopped them. They gave the "the look" but did it again the following days. They cut in line everyday. I told the bus driver, the bus monitors but no one said or did anything. So I told my daughter to just ignore it and let them get on the bus first. Now I need to mention that my DD is the nicest kid you would ever met. She is rarely get mad, always care about others. For example, if she was playing with a toy or reading a book in class, another kid walked by and took it from her, she didn't say anything. I asked her why and her answer would be maybe that person needs it more than her and that she can play/read it later, no big deal. Her past teachers noticed that and told me that I needed to teach DD how to stand up for herself otherwise people would just walk all over her when she grows up.

So back to the problem, this morning, the usual thing happen: the bus came, the older kids cut in line in front of my DD. But I don't know what got into DD this morning, she didn't yield to them as usual, she just kept walking ahead. Then to my horror, two kids started pushing and shoving my daughter to the side, tried to block the door steps to not let my daughter in. My daughter is half that girl's size. She almost fell down to the ground. I came running over and yell at them. They denied and said that they didn't push anyone. I am so frustrated. I don't know what to do. The driver doesn't seem to care. She said she didn't see anything. The bus patrols were right there but didn't say anything because they are probably scared of those kids too. I do not take my DD to the bus stop everyday and I'm afraid that those kids would try to do something worse to my DD if they don't see me there. What should I do? Who should I talk to? Their teachers? The principal? Is this problem serious enough to bring it to the principal's attention? Is this bullying?

Thanks for reading my post.

I would call the school immediately and identify, if you can, the children who are misbehaving. In the Whitman cluster of Montgomery County, the schools take this sort of behavior very seriously and will put the kabash on it right away. There really is no sense in dragging this out or questioning whether it is bullying. Nip it in the bud!

[Anonymous]

This is not bullying.

This is normal, rude, 6th grade behavior, but it is not bullying.

Kids are mean to each other, big kids pick on littles, girls exclude other girls. Most, if not all kids wsill do this kind of thing at some point in their lives.

Bullying is more than just kids behaving badly.

[Anonymous]

Don't put up with this. The school can send a monitor to
the stop or on the bus if they have to. This is absolutely
bullying - physical bullying. Those kids need to be banned from the bus if it happens again. None of the 6th graders I
knew at a FCPS school last year when DS was in that grade
would EVER have done that. It's not normal.