I'm in the Top 10% but it sure as hell doesn't feel like it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it interesting that posters always suggest downgrading cable or phone when OP complains about budget problems.

+1. If only it were that simple!

No, but it's an expense that is not fixed and so, when you're looking through looking for things to cut, that one can be cut pretty easily, and it all adds up, AND it's easy to find other sources for entertainment that are cheaper, such as starting at the public library.

Trust me, we've done this. I have a household budget that I track like a fiend. I plan meals a week in advance to cut the laundry bill and food waste. I've cut back on meat since it's so expensive to get anything that isn't full of hormones and chemicals. I clip coupons. I buy at sales. I drink the coffee in my office. I bring my own lunch and snacks to work. We eat out rarely. And it's still not enough, hence the title of this thread. But when two people work full time, can't afford a housekeeper, there are groceries to put away, laundry to fold, etc etc etc having on demand to entertain my kid for an hour is amazing. If I were living at home, I'd cut that shitfrom the budget in a heartbeat and call my MIL or my sister, who would happily take him and entertain him at the park, a museum, the zoo, my backyard, etc etc etc. And I'd be able to afford a house that isn't 90 years old and constantly suprising us with the next broken down whatever.

I know I should stop my bourgeouis ranting, but lordy. I often wonder how truly middle class and working poor people make it in this country if it's this hard for me. A previous PP got it right - I need my family around me, because even though my friends are great, you can't rely on them the way you can with your family. It's just not right to anyway, IMO.

OP, I FEEL YOU ON THIS 110%. In fact, I am YOU except that our HHI barely breaks six figures. It sucks a$$ and I honestly don't know everyone except us (and you) can afford multiple kids in this area, let alone a damn house! I mean wow is EVERYONE a lawyer? Does EVERYONE have a PhD? I'm trying to get DH to see that the life we envisioned for ourselves won't happen here but he grew up here so it’s harder for him to walk away. I, on the other hand am ready to roll out YESTERDAY.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$120 a month for cable/phone/internet can acutally be the final tipping point. That's enough for a grocery store run, diapers or formula. And if you are using your credit card for routine purchases it can end up costing more in the long run.

If you need to cut cable to afford diaper, stop breeding.

Luckily, we honestly can afford to have #2. I was pissed at the suggestion this morning that we're basically fucking up our kid by putting him in preschool with too many other kids in order to afford a #2. But that is a whole other conversation, I guess. My family at home thinks our ped is nuts for recommending so many specialists and that we are nuts for going along with it. My SIL was like yeah, my kid did that too and is fine now. It's called growing out of it. None of his preschool teachers ever had an issue with it. So I guess I am also reacting to the overall culture of smarty pants overeducated consultants/teachers/other parents who constantly seem to make you feel like you are not Mother of the Year enough or something. I am worried now that all of this "evaluating" and our parental stress about it is going to make my kid feel like there is something wrong with him when there probably isn't. The pressure, culture and cost of this city have pushed me to my breaking point. I don't hate DC - but I liked it much more when I was young, single and didn't have kids. Now it just feels like a drag everyday. But maybe I'm deluding myself into thinking it will be better at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it interesting that posters always suggest downgrading cable or phone when OP complains about budget problems.

+1. If only it were that simple!

No, but it's an expense that is not fixed and so, when you're looking through looking for things to cut, that one can be cut pretty easily, and it all adds up, AND it's easy to find other sources for entertainment that are cheaper, such as starting at the public library.

Trust me, we've done this. I have a household budget that I track like a fiend. I plan meals a week in advance to cut the laundry bill and food waste. I've cut back on meat since it's so expensive to get anything that isn't full of hormones and chemicals. I clip coupons. I buy at sales. I drink the coffee in my office. I bring my own lunch and snacks to work. We eat out rarely. And it's still not enough, hence the title of this thread. But when two people work full time, can't afford a housekeeper, there are groceries to put away, laundry to fold, etc etc etc having on demand to entertain my kid for an hour is amazing. If I were living at home, I'd cut that shitfrom the budget in a heartbeat and call my MIL or my sister, who would happily take him and entertain him at the park, a museum, the zoo, my backyard, etc etc etc. And I'd be able to afford a house that isn't 90 years old and constantly suprising us with the next broken down whatever.

I know I should stop my bourgeouis ranting, but lordy. I often wonder how truly middle class and working poor people make it in this country if it's this hard for me. A previous PP got it right - I need my family around me, because even though my friends are great, you can't rely on them the way you can with your family. It's just not right to anyway, IMO.

OP, I FEEL YOU ON THIS 110%. In fact, I am YOU except that our HHI barely breaks six figures. It sucks a$$ and I honestly don't know everyone except us (and you) can afford multiple kids in this area, let alone a damn house! I mean wow is EVERYONE a lawyer? Does EVERYONE have a PhD? I'm trying to get DH to see that the life we envisioned for ourselves won't happen here but he grew up here so it’s harder for him to walk away. I, on the other hand am ready to roll out YESTERDAY.

Can we be friends? Seriously? I will create a new gmail account simply for you to connect with me and then delete it after I give you the real one. I think we are practically the same person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would counsel you to NOT have another child in the situation you are in. Really, listen to me now: another kid does NOT mean you will just double your expenses. The increased cost will be exponential. Few people will tell you this--they just want you to join in their misery. Don't do it. The cost of living in the DC area is insanely high in general, but the biggest factor here? Private school tuitions. NO OTHER AREA IN THE COUNTRY with the exception of the upper west and east sides of Manhattan has a more$$$ or insanely overvalued cadre of private schools. My theory is that racial politics drives this. NY and DC have high # minority population. People are crazily terrified of their kids going to school with too many AA's, asians or latinos (bizarre and unfounded imo)--so the private schools can just charge monopoly money for tuition and get it.

I agree. And "giving DC a sibling" is emphatically NOT a reason to have another child. Ever.

Well, I appreciate the feedback, but we will go ahead and make our family planning decisions based on our own situation and do it when the time is right. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it interesting that posters always suggest downgrading cable or phone when OP complains about budget problems.

+1. If only it were that simple!

I love this suggestion too. Also, skip the Latte's. Don't worry about the 800,000 mortgage for a tiny colonial in Upper NW purchased with a subprime mortgage in 2006, just watch the little stuff!

[Anonymous]

OP - you got advice on fixing your money situation, on having kids and on moving - but I didnt see anything on helping you feel better, which actually will make all three of those better.

You said you have a plan to move, that's outstanding. Even if it's not as soon as you like, it's a plan. Focus on that - chart out the time between now and then and figure out what you need to do to make it through.

What can you do now to help you get out of your house when it's time to leave? What can you set up for DC in your new place in terms of resources? How much can you pay down your debt so you can start over fresh? etc. Map it all out - and refer to the map (even if it's a big, long term one!) when you start feeling down.



you have an escape plan - focus on that!


In the meantime, try to find some outlets for your feelings. go to a friends for drinks (not to an expensive bar, and dont have her to your house where you'll just stare at the kitchen you hate , go for a walk in a nice park nearby, take DC to the zoo or a museum.

Good luck


PS: i also have a plan to leave DC, but it's not for 20 years when I retire from the gov't

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it interesting that posters always suggest downgrading cable or phone when OP complains about budget problems.

+1. If only it were that simple!

No, but it's an expense that is not fixed and so, when you're looking through looking for things to cut, that one can be cut pretty easily, and it all adds up, AND it's easy to find other sources for entertainment that are cheaper, such as starting at the public library.

Trust me, we've done this. I have a household budget that I track like a fiend. I plan meals a week in advance to cut the laundry bill and food waste. I've cut back on meat since it's so expensive to get anything that isn't full of hormones and chemicals. I clip coupons. I buy at sales. I drink the coffee in my office. I bring my own lunch and snacks to work. We eat out rarely. And it's still not enough, hence the title of this thread. But when two people work full time, can't afford a housekeeper, there are groceries to put away, laundry to fold, etc etc etc having on demand to entertain my kid for an hour is amazing. If I were living at home, I'd cut that shitfrom the budget in a heartbeat and call my MIL or my sister, who would happily take him and entertain him at the park, a museum, the zoo, my backyard, etc etc etc. And I'd be able to afford a house that isn't 90 years old and constantly suprising us with the next broken down whatever.

I know I should stop my bourgeouis ranting, but lordy. I often wonder how truly middle class and working poor people make it in this country if it's this hard for me. A previous PP got it right - I need my family around me, because even though my friends are great, you can't rely on them the way you can with your family. It's just not right to anyway, IMO.

OP, I FEEL YOU ON THIS 110%. In fact, I am YOU except that our HHI barely breaks six figures. It sucks a$$ and I honestly don't know everyone except us (and you) can afford multiple kids in this area, let alone a damn house! I mean wow is EVERYONE a lawyer? Does EVERYONE have a PhD? I'm trying to get DH to see that the life we envisioned for ourselves won't happen here but he grew up here so it’s harder for him to walk away. I, on the other hand am ready to roll out YESTERDAY.

Can we be friends? Seriously? I will create a new gmail account simply for you to connect with me and then delete it after I give you the real one. I think we are practically the same person.

HAHAHA, I WAS THINKING THE SAME THING!!! YES, send me the fake acct and let's connect!!

[Anonymous]

We're in a similar boat. HHI of 135k on one income, one full-time masters student who will graduate next spring in a non-high paying field. We don't own but rent a modest 2br (pricey). Our toddler is 2, and I'm 8 weeks pregnant at 38 with our second. I watch our expenses like a hawk, but ivr loosened up on that because it's the big expenses of rent and daycare that are killers. We have no debt and have liquid savings (about enough for a down payment). We can only afford a second child because (1) our savings aren't tied up in a house so we can dip into them for infant daycare if necessary; and (2) we have some, if limited, potential for income to go up. If worst comes to worst, DH can stay home with DC2 if unemployed. Do I wish we could afford a nice house with yard? Sure. But renting is the only thing keeping us afloat and free to move to
another part of the country if we get the opportunity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We're in a similar boat. HHI of 135k on one income, one full-time masters student who will graduate next spring in a non-high paying field. We don't own but rent a modest 2br (pricey). Our toddler is 2, and I'm 8 weeks pregnant at 38 with our second. I watch our expenses like a hawk, but ivr loosened up on that because it's the big expenses of rent and daycare that are killers. We have no debt and have liquid savings (about enough for a down payment). We can only afford a second child because (1) our savings aren't tied up in a house so we can dip into them for infant daycare if necessary; and (2) we have some, if limited, potential for income to go up. If worst comes to worst, DH can stay home with DC2 if unemployed. Do I wish we could afford a nice house with yard? Sure. But renting is the only thing keeping us afloat and free to move to
another part of the country if we get the opportunity.

Good for you. We were stupid jerks who thought that buying a house would be so smart and we'd build equity and blah blah blah to roll into a new house when we moved. I want to time travel back a few years and smack from dumb ass upside the head.

[Anonymous]

^^my dumb ass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it interesting that posters always suggest downgrading cable or phone when OP complains about budget problems.

+1. If only it were that simple!

I love this suggestion too. Also, skip the Latte's. Don't worry about the 800,000 mortgage for a tiny colonial in Upper NW purchased with a subprime mortgage in 2006, just watch the little stuff!

NP here. One you can't do much about. The other, you can.

I don't understand this defeatist attitude about cutting small things. It really DOES add up -- we don't have cable, and GASP we can still watch TV! There are like 50 channels you can get via antenna around here. Yes, I can't watch Honey Boo-Boo since that's a cable show, but somehow I've survived. The $600 we save every year by getting cheap DSL vs. a "triple play" or "double play" is equal to a car repair, or a couple plumbing issues, or trimming a few trees. We also eat at home A LOT, don't buy stuff unless we absolutely need it, try to fix things and mend clothing rather than replace, I make coffee at home (I allow myself a once a week latte!) -- yeah, it's kinda sucky because with our HHI ($170K) you'd think we could relax and have an easier life with lots of frills, but no.

But I'd rather make the small cuts and then feel like I have some breathing room when emergencies, house repairs, etc occur than load up my life with amenities and constantly be even more stressed about my budget. A penny saved is a penny earned, and they add up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it interesting that posters always suggest downgrading cable or phone when OP complains about budget problems.

+1. If only it were that simple!

No, but it's an expense that is not fixed and so, when you're looking through looking for things to cut, that one can be cut pretty easily, and it all adds up, AND it's easy to find other sources for entertainment that are cheaper, such as starting at the public library.

Trust me, we've done this. I have a household budget that I track like a fiend. I plan meals a week in advance to cut the laundry bill and food waste. I've cut back on meat since it's so expensive to get anything that isn't full of hormones and chemicals. I clip coupons. I buy at sales. I drink the coffee in my office. I bring my own lunch and snacks to work. We eat out rarely. And it's still not enough, hence the title of this thread. But when two people work full time, can't afford a housekeeper, there are groceries to put away, laundry to fold, etc etc etc having on demand to entertain my kid for an hour is amazing. If I were living at home, I'd cut that shitfrom the budget in a heartbeat and call my MIL or my sister, who would happily take him and entertain him at the park, a museum, the zoo, my backyard, etc etc etc. And I'd be able to afford a house that isn't 90 years old and constantly suprising us with the next broken down whatever.

I know I should stop my bourgeouis ranting, but lordy. I often wonder how truly middle class and working poor people make it in this country if it's this hard for me. A previous PP got it right - I need my family around me, because even though my friends are great, you can't rely on them the way you can with your family. It's just not right to anyway, IMO.

OP, I FEEL YOU ON THIS 110%. In fact, I am YOU except that our HHI barely breaks six figures. It sucks a$$ and I honestly don't know everyone except us (and you) can afford multiple kids in this area, let alone a damn house! I mean wow is EVERYONE a lawyer? Does EVERYONE have a PhD? I'm trying to get DH to see that the life we envisioned for ourselves won't happen here but he grew up here so it’s harder for him to walk away. I, on the other hand am ready to roll out YESTERDAY.

Can we be friends? Seriously? I will create a new gmail account simply for you to connect with me and then delete it after I give you the real one. I think we are practically the same person.

HAHAHA, I WAS THINKING THE SAME THING!!! YES, send me the fake acct and let's connect!!

Okay, here goes - [e-mail] (And no, before the haters jump down my throat, I don't actually hate DC. Just today, at this moment.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We're in a similar boat. HHI of 135k on one income, one full-time masters student who will graduate next spring in a non-high paying field. We don't own but rent a modest 2br (pricey). Our toddler is 2, and I'm 8 weeks pregnant at 38 with our second. I watch our expenses like a hawk, but ivr loosened up on that because it's the big expenses of rent and daycare that are killers. We have no debt and have liquid savings (about enough for a down payment). We can only afford a second child because (1) our savings aren't tied up in a house so we can dip into them for infant daycare if necessary; and (2) we have some, if limited, potential for income to go up. If worst comes to worst, DH can stay home with DC2 if unemployed. Do I wish we could afford a nice house with yard? Sure. But renting is the only thing keeping us afloat and free to move to
another part of the country if we get the opportunity.

Good for you. We were stupid jerks who thought that buying a house would be so smart and we'd build equity and blah blah blah to roll into a new house when we moved. I want to time travel back a few years and smack from dumb ass upside the head.

Yep, we ALMOST drank that Kool-Aid when we were childless and the government was offering up the $8K rebates. SO glad we didn't because most of my "girl, NOW-is-the-time-to-buy" friends are now underwater or dealing with ridiculous repairs and the like.

Don't feel bad - you took a risk and it didn't pan out but you live and you learn.

[Anonymous]

the small small expenses that you might feel do not matter actually add up to big numbers and weigh down eventually.. it is hard to tell you specific things to do, but you have to get into the mindset of saving... EVERY little penny. once you actually start doing that you will actually start feeling good about yourself, i promise [and no, do not feel the need to "reward" yourself for doing this by spending, reward yourself by saving more instead].

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it interesting that posters always suggest downgrading cable or phone when OP complains about budget problems.

+1. If only it were that simple!

I love this suggestion too. Also, skip the Latte's. Don't worry about the 800,000 mortgage for a tiny colonial in Upper NW purchased with a subprime mortgage in 2006, just watch the little stuff!

NP here. One you can't do much about. The other, you can.

I don't understand this defeatist attitude about cutting small things. It really DOES add up -- we don't have cable, and GASP we can still watch TV! There are like 50 channels you can get via antenna around here. Yes, I can't watch Honey Boo-Boo since that's a cable show, but somehow I've survived. The $600 we save every year by getting cheap DSL vs. a "triple play" or "double play" is equal to a car repair, or a couple plumbing issues, or trimming a few trees. We also eat at home A LOT, don't buy stuff unless we absolutely need it, try to fix things and mend clothing rather than replace, I make coffee at home (I allow myself a once a week latte!) -- yeah, it's kinda sucky because with our HHI ($170K) you'd think we could relax and have an easier life with lots of frills, but no.

But I'd rather make the small cuts and then feel like I have some breathing room when emergencies, house repairs, etc occur than load up my life with amenities and constantly be even more stressed about my budget. A penny saved is a penny earned, and they add up.

+1