I'm in the Top 10% but it sure as hell doesn't feel like it

[Anonymous]

HHI (gross) is $160K. Bills include mortgage, credit cards (run up thanks to repairs to our old piece of shit house we shouldn't have bought in the first damned place), aftercare at school for one child, car payment, student loans, insurance, cable, utilities, phone, food, gas, personal debt owed to parents (again b/c of said piece of shit old house). We contribute to our 401K's so we don't have to rely on the kid or the government in the future but we have no savings. We bought a house that would sell for 1/3 of what we paid for it in our hometown. We have no family here. We don't work in the government, which makes it more ludicrous that we are here in the first damned place. Kid now has issues that are requiring us to work with specialists that don't accept insurance and take a shit ton of time off work to shuttle kid back and forth between all of the above. We pulled kid from daycare and put him in free charter for PS b/c we want to give kid a sibling but can't afford a mortgage and two daycare payments. Now one of said specialists is saying there are too many kids in his classroom causing too much stimulation and contributing to problems. WTF is our choice? Put kid back in daycare and put off having kid #2 for two more years? (We are in our mid to late 30's, so the clock is ticking). Get a nanny we can't afford? Live on one income (can't afford)? Move (thereby delaying kid #2 anyway while my eggs and DH's sperm become even more fucking geriatric)?

Seriously, what the fuck are we doing wrong? How is it possible to be in the top 10% of all households in the US and still feel as though you are barely keeping your head above water and every day is one big stressor after another? I just give up. Seriously. I want to crawl into my bed and cry every day. I won't, because my kid deserves better, but holy fucking hell.

[Anonymous]

Me too... ridiculously frustrating. It is the cost of living in this area.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry for what you are going through. Comparisons don't mean much when looking at cities with wildly differents costs of living. Can you sell the house and live in a condo or townhouse? Can you move closer to family? (Social connections around you often improve depression.) If you really want a second child, just do it. You would hate to regret not doing it down the road, when you may live somewhere else and have a different financial situation anyway. Finally, it sounds like the child's medical issues are the primary stressor right now, so try not to dwell too much on what one specialist said about one situation. Keep the kid where he is in school.

[Anonymous]

I'd live like a queen on my income in my home town, but here, we are living in the red since our second child was born. And Maryland is going to take more retroactively in 2012. Yippy!

[Anonymous]

Us too. Funny how we're always catching up on bills. I'm a SAHM and will be going back to work but I get a feeling not much will change. Really depends on how you spend.

[Anonymous]

Patrick Ewing of the New York Knicks once said of NBA players, “We make a lot of money, but we spend a lot of money too.”

[Anonymous]

I would counsel you to NOT have another child in the situation you are in. Really, listen to me now: another kid does NOT mean you will just double your expenses. The increased cost will be exponential. Few people will tell you this--they just want you to join in their misery. Don't do it. The cost of living in the DC area is insanely high in general, but the biggest factor here? Private school tuitions. NO OTHER AREA IN THE COUNTRY with the exception of the upper west and east sides of Manhattan has a more$$$ or insanely overvalued cadre of private schools. My theory is that racial politics drives this. NY and DC have high # minority population. People are crazily terrified of their kids going to school with too many AA's, asians or latinos (bizarre and unfounded imo)--so the private schools can just charge monopoly money for tuition and get it.

[Anonymous]

Yeah we have an HHI of $100,000 which is CRAZY to me to make six figures as a household (I grew up in rural south) but we live in a "transitional neighborhood" in a crappy school district and barely make it each month because of childcare, student loans, and high rent.

It blows me away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would counsel you to NOT have another child in the situation you are in. Really, listen to me now: another kid does NOT mean you will just double your expenses. The increased cost will be exponential. Few people will tell you this--they just want you to join in their misery. Don't do it. The cost of living in the DC area is insanely high in general, but the biggest factor here? Private school tuitions. NO OTHER AREA IN THE COUNTRY with the exception of the upper west and east sides of Manhattan has a more$$$ or insanely overvalued cadre of private schools. My theory is that racial politics drives this. NY and DC have high # minority population. People are crazily terrified of their kids going to school with too many AA's, asians or latinos (bizarre and unfounded imo)--so the private schools can just charge monopoly money for tuition and get it.

Please explain.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you could cut out the cable and use that money towards something else, like paying down the student loans? Do you eat out a lot? We try to make food in bulk over the weekend. We watch all of our tv illegally over the internet (or you could get Netflix). Neither I nor DH has a smartphone with a data plan. We feebly try to build some savings with the money we save. I go shopping for clothes around twice a year. It sounds terrible but it's better than being under a financial strain.

I can't speak to your child's problems but maybe you could get a second opinion? I don't understand why so many kids aren't supposed to go to school now because of over-stimulation.

Life in dc is hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would counsel you to NOT have another child in the situation you are in. Really, listen to me now: another kid does NOT mean you will just double your expenses. The increased cost will be exponential. Few people will tell you this--they just want you to join in their misery. Don't do it. The cost of living in the DC area is insanely high in general, but the biggest factor here? Private school tuitions. NO OTHER AREA IN THE COUNTRY with the exception of the upper west and east sides of Manhattan has a more$$$ or insanely overvalued cadre of private schools. My theory is that racial politics drives this. NY and DC have high # minority population. People are crazily terrified of their kids going to school with too many AA's, asians or latinos (bizarre and unfounded imo)--so the private schools can just charge monopoly money for tuition and get it.

Private school is not mandatory. Her first son is going to a public charter. I feel no sympathy for people who feel poor because they choose to send their kids to privates.

OP, I would suggest that you do have the second child. At least stop BC and take a chance at it. Can you look into specialists at NIH to assit your son? If you are not tied to DC, you could try moving to a lower cost of living area. Take a hard look at your budget and start making cuts (cable, selling the car that has payments).

[Anonymous]

Why can't you move?

[Anonymous]

I find it interesting that posters always suggest downgrading cable or phone when OP complains about budget problems. For most people, cutting cable is NOT going to make any sort of palpable difference in their financial struggles. I think at your income level the only thing that would really change your situation is drastically cutting down on a fixed expense. I would much rather live in a smaller house and have less financial stress. Can you move to a 2 bedroom in a walkable area of town? The space issue is less of a problem if you live somewhere you can walk to amenities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find it interesting that posters always suggest downgrading cable or phone when OP complains about budget problems.

+1. If only it were that simple!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it interesting that posters always suggest downgrading cable or phone when OP complains about budget problems.

+1. If only it were that simple!

No, but it's an expense that is not fixed and so, when you're looking through looking for things to cut, that one can be cut pretty easily, and it all adds up, AND it's easy to find other sources for entertainment that are cheaper, such as starting at the public library.